- Username
- Remedyx
- Date posted
- 28w ago
Struggling with SOOCD and fear of loneliness due to YouTube comments.
Flare up of SOOCD due to youtube comments
I’m coming to terms with the fact that alongside ocd I may have a fearful avoidant attachment style. I wanted to get a better understanding of it so started searching up what it was on youtube. Under one comment section someone expressed how they really liked a guy and then something minor happened and they immediately got turned. I understood her comment and felt kind of seen. That was until I looked at her replies two comments stuck out to me. One said it sounds like lesbianism and the other talked about how the commenter may be gay. This sent me into a spiral, I haven’t flared up like this for a bit. I’ve managed to stay in a state of uncertainty till now all of a sudden. The commenter replied to one of these comments a couple months later saying that she went to seek help and found out they have relationship OCD. Surely this would also make me feel seen and put me at ease? But still I’m ruminating past evidence and among other rituals that I managed to void out before. I’m so scared this will forever be my life, I’ll have a good couple months and then I’ll fall back into an awful loop. I’m 19 right now but I feel as though because of this theme I’ll never find a partner and I’ll forever be alone because I’m unsure. My brain keeps on telling me that I’m using this attachment style as a ‘cover up’. I’m just so over this I wish I could go back to before I had this theme. I rarely come on here because I found that sometimes it worsens my ocd but I feel so alone…