LillyX

Date posted: 1y

Stopped drinking due to ocd

Anyone else stopped drinking alcohol due to false memory ocd? I’ve actually developed a huge fear of alcohol to the point where even if I only had one drink i become terrified I’d suddenly turn into a completely different person and act out on my intrusive thoughts. When drunk I would take pictures in the bathroom stalls as ‘proof’ no one was in there with me , I’d find notes on my phone the next morning saying things like ‘you’ve done nothing wrong’. I’d basically be terrified of myself…It goes on. I’m actually a very happy drunk but my ocd takes over the next morning making up crimes and convincing me I could’ve done terrible things. It’s just not worth it anymore.

Catlove9

Date posted: 1y

Your post explains me to a T. I am a super happy drunk. Most of the time people would tell me I was telling everyone I loved them or how pretty they are 😂. But that didn’t matter. I’d wake up thinking I killed someone or sexually assaulted someone. I had quit for almost 2 years because I was so terrified I would turn into a monster. But then last summer, I thought I’d try it again because I always enjoyed it and looked forward to it. But I ended up having two blackouts where I didn’t recall parts of the nights. The one had me waking up fearing I did something inappropriate to my ex’s teenage daughter in a public bathroom and the other had me convinced I got into a gruesome fight in a public bathroom. After that, I became way too scared again to drink. So now it’s been 9 months since I stopped again. I would love to be able to have a drink but I am just so scared. On top of this, I really beat myself up to a point of absolute shame for getting that drunk. I still cannot forgive myself. And I always think “I ruined my whole life because of being too drunk.” And then think it’s just a matter of time until my life crumbles because of the mistakes I fear I made.

LillyX

Date posted: 1y

@Catlove9 OMFG THIS IS ME, we are identical. Like your story is exactly the same as mine!! Do you find you bump into coincidences and feel like you have ‘evidence’ a lot also? I’m so sorry from someone who is going through this exact theme I know how hard it is 💗

Catlove9

Date posted: 1y

@LillyX Yup. Absolutely. I “find” things all the time. Or I’ll interpret what people say and look at their expressions when I asked what happened and I’ll analyze if I think they are trying to spare the details. For example. The days after I got wasted when I went to dinner with my ex and his teenage daughter, I asked my ex and my friend who went with us if I was ever alone with my ex’s daughter or if I did anything bad. I even asked the daughter if I did anything bad. Everyone told me I was fine and did nothing bad! But then a few days later my friend who was with us told me “oh. You actually went to the bathroom at the restaurant with the ex’s daughter.” Well that sent me into a whole new spiral and to me “confirmed” I must have done something inappropriate.

Catlove9

Date posted: 1y

@LillyX Hopefully I didn’t say anything offensive 😭

LillyX

Date posted: 1y

@Catlove9 Omg no of course not!! I’m so sorry I must of missed this comment. I can completely relate to this situation you’re describing and my false memory is exactly the same. It’s so horrible when ocd takes advantage of gaps in memory/ foggy memory from alcohol. Your not alone in this💗

Catlove9

Date posted: 1y

@LillyX Thank you. I appreciate it. I just hate how real it feels.

Nickisixx

Date posted: 1y

Me too girl! Same stuff! Had to quit drinking bc of it still get upset over a few of them and it's been decades...ugh exhausting.

Hopefloats227

Date posted: 1y

Yes :) Partly for this reason and partly because I started meds.

AaaAnonymous

Date posted: 1y

Yes I have because I’m scared I’ll act or tell people about my ocd

Iseeinpinkk

Date posted: 1y

Same, I don't think they would understand how serious it is, and they would think I'm crazy.

Hopeful2022

Date posted: 1y

Yeah I've stopped drinking, I'm so worried that I'll do something bad

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I relate so much

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I do exactly the same thing. I video/picture as proof of everything I'm doing and it was exhausting the one day I was unable to do that and blacked out the ocd creeped in with what if thoughts and since that day a year ago I have never blacked out nor will I. I still drink 1-3 drinks max but always with my partner never alone or with friends.

Catlove9

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Blacking out has been my downfall when I drank. It’s happened 3-4 times in my life but each time has created this horrible false memory.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I stopped drinking due to my behavior ..NA beers are so much better and taste like beer without the side effects. Changed my life.

Iseeinpinkk

Date posted: 1y

Yes, for sure, I don't want to drink again.

Megaly93

Date posted: 8w

Yes. This happened to me several times and I will only have two drinks from now on.

jankie1226

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19w

did i cause a tragedy

this weekend, i went out with some friends who were staying with me from out of town and i drank too much. because of my job and mental health i very proactively limit how much i drink but i got caught up in the fun of the moment and drank past my limit. this morning, i woke up to a message from my boss about a tragedy that happened in my community this past weekend. my mind is rapidly trying to draw connections between me drinking too much and this tragedy. my ocd is trying to convince me that i caused it while i was drinking and that i just don't remember it. anyone else experience things like this? i'm trying not to seek reassurance but it's getting difficult!

LillyX

Date posted: 13w

Pocd & alcohol & false memory.

First I must say I love children and harming one sickens me. So if you don’t understand pocd please don’t commment. Ive only ever been drunk around children once at a house party , my ocd then convinced me I could’ve assaulted them the next morning as my memory was patchy…I haven’t let this go for YEARS. I didn’t even know what I did? 6 years later I have this whole story, based off an intrusive image I had but still don’t really know what I did? Every waking day of my life I’m trying to figure this out but I’m getting more and more confused. I’ve found clues, coincidences , things I believe could be evidence but isn’t really? I’m mixing in reality and false images….My therapists (I’ve had 3) all say this is false memory ocd? But mine feels different? Mine feels worse? Anyway I need a break.

Ih8ocd!

Date posted: 6w

Going crazy

I have false memory ocd and harm ocd and I’ve really lost it this time, I read an article about a girl going missing in my city and I convinced myself I had something to do with it and don’t remember cause I had 1 drink a month ago in the pub with my gf. The girl herself commented saying she wasn’t missing and I became obsessed with checking her page to make sure she was ok, I then blocked her to stop myself getting in the spiral of checking but in a moment of panic I unblocked her and I saw that she liked a video about being blocked so now I think that was in response to me. My gf told keeps telling me I did nothing wrong that night and it’s just my ocd again and I’d remember if anyhting bad happened cause I only had one drink and that girl doesn’t know me so it’s just a coincidence that she liked a video about blocking but I worry about it all day everyday, I just can’t stop checking or trying to find a way to ‘prove’ nothing happened, the more I check the worse it gets, I’ll going to lose my gf if this keeps up, I know she’s getting tired of my ocd, pls help

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Stopped drinking due to ocd

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