Substance abuse TW

These thoughts don’t mean anything. They don’t need to confessed because they are not real. (Although you can have grace on yourself if you did confess them.) The biggest lie that all people with OCD need to overcome is the idea that the thoughts are real. But they are not real. They come from outside of us. For example, my friend who values children more than anyone else has “sexual thoughts about children.” She hated these thoughts and didn’t want them. I told her her again and again not to worry about these thoughts because they are not real and don’t mean anything. I love God more than anyone else. Why is it then that my brain produced all sorts of blasphemous, evil thoughts against God? It is because the OCD produces thoughts that are contrary to who you are and what you really want. We have to break out of the trap that OCD gives us. The OCD thoughts aren’t real or true, and they have no substance or meaning whatsoever. You can totally ignore them. You can let them run through your mind like a storm—but then you still go about your day without confessing them. My intrusive thoughts went away only after I STOPPED FIGHTING AGAINST them, but just let them run through my brain however they wanted to—even though it seemed like they were completely terrible. I really encourage you to find a therapist who is trained in ERP, such as the therapists here at NOCD. I learned so so much in my training/therapy sessions. The first thing you will learn is that your intrusive thoughts about your friend’s dad are completely normal for OCD. Every single person with OCD experiences intrusive thoughts like that. (By the way, that’s why they are called “intrusive,” because they come from the outside of us, and we don’t want them.) People with OCD have sexual and violent and evil thoughts ALL THE TIME. That of the nature of the disease. That is what OCD does. People have thoughts about God with genitals. People have thoughts of raping other people. Thoughts about being attracted to children. Thoughts about stabbing their family with a knife. This is all normal for OCD. This is what OCD does. It takes things you value and would never do, and then gives you bad thoughts in that area. So if you had bad thoughts about your friend’s dad, welcome to the club!!! This is the same as everyone who has OCD. But the important thing is to learn that the thoughts DON’T MEAN ANYTHING. But you have to learn to let them be there while you go about your day. And then you do NOTHING to fix them. That is OCD therapy in a nutshell. The definition/diagnosis of OCD means we will experience these awful, intrusive thoughts. These are defined as the “obsessions” in the OCD formula. The things we try to do to fix or mitigate the obsessions are the “compulsions.” So when you confess the thoughts, it’s a compulsion. In ERP therapy, we learn to let the obsessions run through us and then to resist the compulsions. We can notice the obsessions (intrusive thoughts) in our head, but we let them flow by without trying to fix them or fight them off. Then we practice not performing the compulsions. So in your case that means you can have all the thoughts about your friend’s dad that your brain wants to produce. Those thoughts can be there 50,000 times a day if they want. But then you need to try to resist the urge to do anything to fix them, which means you resist the urge to confess to anyone. With me it means that I can have 50,000 blasphemous, evil thoughts about God every day. But I can’t try to fix those thoughts in my head. I also can’t try to fix them by not eating chocolate or not going to the park for day (which I used to think). The therapists trained in ERP should walk you through this. The main point is that YOU ARE NOT A MONSTER!!!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. People with OCD are most often sensitive, kind, caring, intelligent people out there. Believe the truth that these thoughts mean nothing about you!!!! This is just the nature of the disease and is perfectly normal for OCD.

The thoughts you’re describing are intrusive. They are not your fault and you don’t deserve to be punished or pushed away by people because of them. A lot of people don’t understand the way these thoughts work and respond with discomfort where compassion is needed. You’re not a terrible person and you deserve to be happy no matter how disgusting these thoughts might be

There’s so much more. You don’t have to lose respect for yourself because you have done nothing wrong. That’s the big deception of OCD. The OCD tells us that we are monsters and terrible people because we had those thoughts. But this is not true at all. We have to take the cloak of deception off our eyes. This is a disease that is very predictable and works essentially the same way with all people (though it may manifest in different “themes” for different people). If we can lift the cloak of deception—and see OCD for what it really is—then we can break free from this self-accusation that says we are horrible. What you are experiencing is just OCD. Your experience is a EXACTLY what everyone experiences who has OCD. When you talk to a good therapist about your life, they will not be surprised at all because it completely fits the pattern of how OCD works. If you say you had thoughts about rape, the therapist would say, “Yep, of course.” But then if you tell someone who doesn’t understand OCD (like the friend’s mom), they can respond badly because THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT OCD DOES. But this is also why you have a chance of healing with your friend’s family sometime. If they can really understand OCD and how it works, then they would understand what happened and have compassion for you in the torture that you have experienced (which is not your fault and does not at so represent the real you). I am so sorry that OCD has lied to you for all these years. You are the victim here!! You are the one who has been tortured by forces outside of you. You can think of OCD like an evil little man who wants to make you miserable. He’s just a bully. He can’t really hurt you, but he is going to try every trick in the book—in your mind—to mess up your life. So in your case, he’s trying to get you to confess all these un-real, totally fake thoughts to people. He is trying to tell you that you are a bad person. But you have to lift his cloak of deception. You have to realize that he is just in your mind, and he has no power to rule over your life. You can’t change the fact that the intrusive thoughts are going to be in your mind. You can’t fight them off. Just let them swirl around in your mind like a storm. You can even sort of embrace them, and say to the OCD, “That’s wonderful, OCD. Thanks for the terrible thoughts today. You are welcome to give me these thoughts all day.” Then you learn to live your life exactly how you would want to live it if you didn’t have OCD. You go about your day as if you didn’t have any bad thoughts. Don’t let that evil little man of OCD tell you that you are a terrible person because of the thoughts. Don’t let him tell you that you have to do anything to fix the fact that you had those thoughts. That is OCD (and treatment) in a nutshell. But make sure you have a good therapist. Some are better than others, and some can even make things worse. But OCD is well-understood and well-researched these days. If you find a good therapist, they will know exactly what you are going through, and they will take you through the steps to get better.