Deleted post.

Ok basically I’ve had OCD symptoms since I can remember but now that I’m thinking about it maybe I don’t have OCD what if I believe it so much I have the symptoms I’m not sure and I’m so confused I guess. And I wanna get tested or therapy but I don’t even know if I have it so I’m scared to and I have to remind myself of the time I had a symptom before finding out about it so I can confirm it I don’t know how to explain what I mean I wanna get help but don’t know if I have it

Soo i need to say this but i struggle with real event ocd but its not things i did but things i thought or things i felt for certain situations or to certain things i like im having trouble telling apart my feelings like i try to sort them like oh this is that feeling but i got the same feeling for two different situations one is good one is bad and i got the same feeling so im just scared why did i have that reaction i guess i just im sitting here analyzing what that feeling is and i genuinely dont know its not anything physical its more in my head and now im checking every moment in the past to see the thought process and what i felt in that moment and im just scared of what i feel

I’ve had the feeling I had ocd ever since I found out about it at the age of eleven, I don’t want to self diagnose thought but I want to find out and I would ask a professional but I am a minor and live with my parents, my family is not from America and any disorder even stuff like depression or anxiety means crazy to them so I’m scared to talk abt it to anybody. Ever since I was like 7 I noticed that if something happens or I feel something in one part of my body I immediately have to do it to the other cause it just won’t feel right, as a kid I even explained it to my parents in the car once and asked if they feel like that sometimes too. I used the example of me accidentally touching water on one foot and then having to do it to the other or else it just isn’t fair to the other foot and I’m like evil. It’s also like that for me if I like hit my arm then I have to do it to the other too. I have many other symptoms of OCD but idk if I actually have it. For example every-time somebody leaves me on read or something I feel like they hate me and don’t wanna be friends with me anymore. Idk it just feels so weird sometimes. Also sometimes when I’m writing something maybe for school or anywhere I always have to reconsider every single sentence because what if somebody takes it the wrong way or it makes somebody mad. And sometimes I feel like the rudest and meanest person in the world. I actually don’t know if that’s an ocd thing idk at this point. edit: after thinking some other things that could be a sign of ocd might be when I was about ten or nine, for about a year I had the biggest fear of losing my mom, it came out of nowhere and I would cry begging not to go to school because my mom won’t be there bc what if she dies. I cried at tennis practice once even tho I toke it with my mom because she went to the bathroom. I was genuinely so scared idk what made it go away tho. Like whenever I had a thought of her it would immediately make me think she’s dying and I would just sob. tysm for reading!! 💕💕