dee012
- Date posted
- 43w ago
pocd
I wake up and immediately groinal responses and intrusive thoughts. I hate this. I just want to live normally. I don’t trust myself at all, im convinced im a p.
Sandyforest76Sandyforest76
- Date posted
- 43w ago
It’s hard I understand but you need to see that if you are getting this distressed off it then it’s obvious your not! If you see videos of P’s online they have no remorse, they want to keep it a secret, they know it’s wrong but they don’t care they still go through with it! You can’t help what comes into your mind, the fact how you get distressed by these thoughts shows a lot! And if you don’t get distressed, they are unwanted and that is the one way of getting OCD to go, know they are unwanted and they don’t mean anything and get the anxiety to go by sitting with it! Good luck :)
BwillbebetterBwillbebetter
- Date posted
- 43w ago
Thank you for your post, I still find it so difficult to talk about POCD. I also suffer a lot from intrusive thoughts, groinal responses and even dreams. Now I'm much better, I hope that as time passes this will improve more and more, as will the treatment. I hope you get well soon, good luck!
Related posts
King silly
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I genuinely can’t do this anymore
I keep waking up, overwhelmed with anxiety and I feel like an awful person and I don’t know why…? But I feel like it’s because of POCD, I genuinely feel like a bad person because of all of my false attraction experiences, I feel like it’s my fault, I feel like an awful person and I’m spiraling, it’s so hard to look at myself in the mirror, i can’t bare it, I just feel so awful about myself and I don’t know what to do anymore. I genuinely can’t do this anymore.
Kay_buni
- Date posted
- 22w ago
POCD has taken over my life for the past years.
POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?
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