adult content addiction and ocd

Sometimes, there are pop ups in my mind of sexually intrusive thoughts and feelings of strong urges of acting out on severely inappropriate things, and it makes me terrified. I feel like a predator honestly, with intrusive thoughts that make me severely anxious, distressed, and uncomfortable. I do not agree with these thoughts, I do not want them, I hate them. I don't know how to stop them. I don't know how I even got them, but they make me feel like a bad person. The urges make me feel like I'd genuinely act on them, but I'd do anything to stop myself from that, anything. I don't know how to make them stop, and I don't know what this signifies of me as a person. The feelings and strength behind them feel so real and so strong, it's difficult to convince myself otherwise. And, oh my god, being able to visualize things in your mind is a quality I wish I did not have. Seriously, it's horrible. I don't want to see images of what I'm getting a sudden intrusive urge to do, and I try to shove it out of my head and it doesn't work. I feel like there are some components that I grew up with that made me learn of things of a sexual nature at a young age that could have made me into a hypersexualized individual, and the discomfort I feel surrounding that (which I am committed to resolving and unpacking) is fueling these intrusive thoughts and makes me feel like they are real because of the fact that I am dealing with a problem of hypersexuality and issues surrounding arousal. Typing this all on here is also distressful because nothing online ever goes away and it makes me anxious thinking of someone linking this to me one day, but I understand it's a public forum to discuss OCD-related issues and so I hope everyone here is kind about that and undissmissive because I'm just looking for some help from this nightmare. Thank you.

From what I’ve seen from quite a few people on here and Reddit, dealing with intrusive thoughts during “private” time seems to be something i and many others sadly deal with. I’ve “sort of” gotten used to it but I wish I can enjoy myself sexually the way I used to before these thoughts took over my mind. It’s literally what started the POCD obsession for me in the first place, and why it’s so hard to believe it’s OCD when these thoughts are so prevalent when I’m engaging in something sexual. I always feel reluctant to actually do the deed sometimes cause of how present the thoughts are before I do it but I force myself to cause avoiding it isn’t gonna help. And honestly, I just want to get it over with before my sex drive and these thoughts clash and make it infinitely worse. I try my best to focus on what I know I want (gay porn) but it’s like windshield wipers during a storm. I see clearly for like 5 seconds then boom there’s something that shouldn’t be there and I have to stop. Over and over again. It’s even worse when I finish and it finds its way back on mind when it should be the last thing on it at such a moment. I can’t believe the one thing I used as a stress reliever is now something that cause me nothing but stress.

I am clean and free from my porn addiction. I was 8 and now I'm 18. I didn't realize it was an addiction until now and all the shame is hitting me at once. I let my porn addiction take me to dark and sketchy places. Now I can't get over the shame of the actions I did. I was shameful before but now I accepted that it was an addiction, ive been so depressed and having thoughts about what I did and if I could go back and save myself now I would. I keep getting so many intrusive sexual thoughts about literally everything. People, places, things, animals and even children. I hate all these anxiety inducing painful thoughts. Does anyone have any insight on recovering from excessive thoughts?