I feel like I deserve it

Think of it this way, the more you punish yourself like that the more toxic you’ll be. You gotta forgive yourself for your mistakes, I understand it feels crappy to have hurt others but no one is perfect and as long as you’ve learned from it, all you can do is move forward. I understand 100% like I feel soooooo guilty over some things in past relationships that still get me but I know that obsessing over the past won’t get me ANYWHERE near the future. I unfortunately obsess over improving though 🥲

Myself very much included, a common feeling amongst people battling OCD is a lack of self compassion. We usually don’t need someone else reprimanding us because we got that covered ourselves. When I first received my diagnosis, I used that to mean that I don’t deserve anything nice in life, and I just beat myself down more and more and more. You really should have heard how “helpful” my thoughts were when I turned my back for a moment and my 18 mo old daughter turned and fell and scratched her back. You may or may not have done things that you are not proud of, but truthfully, so does everyone. Things happen. Our choices may or may not be the right one in the moment or they may or may not influence an event. You can only make the decision you feel is best in the moment, and whatever happens will happen. If you haven’t, I recommend seeing a therapist specialized in treating OCD. They would definitely be someone you can share more with about why you feel you deserve this, and help you work through those feelings and to gain the tools to have whenever something new occurs in your life that your brain wants you to feel bad about