I feel like i deserve a head full of pain because I’ve been so toxic and I’ve done things I’ve never been held accountable for so it feels like my punishment that I deserve
Think of it this way, the more you punish yourself like that the more toxic you’ll be. You gotta forgive yourself for your mistakes, I understand it feels crappy to have hurt others but no one is perfect and as long as you’ve learned from it, all you can do is move forward. I understand 100% like I feel soooooo guilty over some things in past relationships that still get me but I know that obsessing over the past won’t get me ANYWHERE near the future. I unfortunately obsess over improving though 🥲
Myself very much included, a common feeling amongst people battling OCD is a lack of self compassion. We usually don’t need someone else reprimanding us because we got that covered ourselves. When I first received my diagnosis, I used that to mean that I don’t deserve anything nice in life, and I just beat myself down more and more and more. You really should have heard how “helpful” my thoughts were when I turned my back for a moment and my 18 mo old daughter turned and fell and scratched her back. You may or may not have done things that you are not proud of, but truthfully, so does everyone. Things happen. Our choices may or may not be the right one in the moment or they may or may not influence an event. You can only make the decision you feel is best in the moment, and whatever happens will happen. If you haven’t, I recommend seeing a therapist specialized in treating OCD. They would definitely be someone you can share more with about why you feel you deserve this, and help you work through those feelings and to gain the tools to have whenever something new occurs in your life that your brain wants you to feel bad about
I have made multiple mistakes in my past that lead me to believe im a bad person. thinking about them often sends me into a panic attack. i cant help but feel i need to be punished. i hate this feeling, what should i do?
Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.
So recently i had really obsessive thoughts about something and once i got over it i kept bringing back more stuff to make myself feel like a bad person. Why am i doing this? Why do i need to look for something else to burden someone with once they have forgiven me
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