Everyday is a constant cycle of regret and misery

Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.

Username: RayanswaidRayanswaid

Date posted: 14d ago

I hear you, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. OCD, especially when it focuses on past events, can make it feel like your mistakes define you—but they don’t. The fact that you feel this way means you care deeply about being a good person, which in itself is proof that you are not what your OCD tells you. You are not your past mistakes, and you don’t deserve to suffer endlessly over them. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to figure this all out alone. Therapy, especially ERP, can help break this cycle. Keep holding on—you are stronger than OCD wants you to believe.

Username: AnonymityKAnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14d ago

Hi, I appreciate you sharing this! it takes a lot of strength to be this honest. I know how exhausting it is to feel stuck in a cycle of replaying the past, judging yourself, and feeling like it will never end. I’ve struggled with real-event OCD too, and it can feel like no matter what you do, your mind keeps dragging you back. OCD has a way of making the past feel more urgent than it actually is, keeping you stuck in rumination and doubt. It’s frustrating to feel like relief is just out of reach, like if you could just think about it enough, you’d finally figure it out. I know how overwhelming it is to constantly analyze, to go from “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst” over and over again. It’s exhausting. Self-compassion is hard, especially when OCD is making you feel like you don’t deserve it. But you are more than the worst moments your mind fixates on. You were a different person in a different place, and beating yourself up endlessly won’t change the past; it only keeps you stuck in pain. Giving yourself grace doesn’t mean ignoring what happened; it means recognizing that you’re human and that growth comes from acceptance, not punishment. Even if self-compassion doesn’t feel natural right now, just making space for it, little by little, can make a difference. Are you working with an ERP therapist or seeing one through the app? I know there’s a self-compassion group offered here that I find helpful. Just know you’re not alone in this.

Username: InfectedpicklejuiceInfectedpick...

Date posted: 14d ago

@AnonymityK I’m not working with one yet unfortunately, but I’ll think about it, thanks a lot btw 💕

Username: AnonymityKAnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14d ago

@Bug🐛 I hope your day gets a little better tomorrow! Sending virtual hugs 💕

Username: InfectedpicklejuiceInfectedpick...

Date posted: 14d ago

@AnonymityK Thank you 🥰

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 14d ago

Same but I'm too exhausted to worry. I have no energy to regret. I think I haven't even that regretted. Just worrying about my label

Username: sick&tired

Date posted: 22w ago

What if I don’t deserve..

A good life, success, healing, beautiful things? ⚠️ Important: please don’t read if this is triggering. No one should think this way about themselves, of course you deserve it all. I struggle with real events and harm OCD. My worst fear is being a bad person, causing harm or doing the wrong thing. These thoughts haunt me all the time and cause me to essentially throw my life away. I don’t go out, pursue opportunities, etc. because what if I don’t deserve them? I think of the worst things I’ve ever done all the time. The things that I’m most ashamed of. Like a broken record that’s all I replay in my head. Doesn’t matter if it was 5 or 10 years ago. And I beat myself up for not doing better. And I just don’t know how to move past it. I’ve read a lot of quotes and books about self help and love and acceptance (e.g. once you know better, do better). But for me I feel like I have to hate myself forever. I won’t ever get a clean slate, there’s a permanent stain on my record. I just can’t forgive myself, whether other people know it or not, I can’t allow myself to move forward. It’s about integrity for me. Does anyone relate? How do you do it? I’m so sorry if you’re also struggling. I don’t wish this for anyone. Please keep fighting, you’re not alone. ❤️

Username: Anonymous#1020

Date posted: 20w ago

Please don’t ignore, I need help this is rly bad.

When I was a little kid, I used to be horrible. Every time I thought an animal was too cute or something, i’d get violent, terribly violent. I regret it so much and wish I never did anything like that. It follows me in my mind and I hate it even though I was a child. Then a year or two ago, I got upset at my cat and tossed her onto the bed very quickly and hard, and pushed her down. I remember feeling like I didn’t want to hurt her but I didn’t want to let go. I cried after it happened and gave her many treats. Around the same time, my dog got me mad i just smacked her nose but I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. Idk if i was 14 or 15 at the time? I would never do anything to hurt any animal now, but why did I ever do it back then? It makes me so sick thinking about it and now I can’t STOP thinking about it. I still never wanted to hurt my cat, but she got on my last nerve at that moment and it happened multiple times and I threw her pretty fast. I can’t believe I’d ever do that. I’ve been hating myself for it ever since i started thinking about it again. I can’t forgive myself and Idk what to do. I wish I could go back in time and never do what I did. She was still only about 5 months old at that time. She means the world to me and we have a very close bond, but now I feel like I can’t love her because what I did. I feel like I can’t have friends, or anything really because I feel like I don’t deserve anything. I feel like a terrible monster and I hate that I ever did anything to a little angel that didn’t even do anything wrong. Idk how to forgive myself. I hate that I did that and I wish I never did. It still wasn’t as bad as it was when I was little, but it’s still not okay at all and I can’t go back in time and change it, so now idk what to do with myself. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around my cats babies even though I love them with all my heart. I’m 16 now and not the same ragey person as i used to be. I had a lot of anger built up from an ex that I was with at the time, but still WHY would I take it out on my beautiful cat. The more I think about it, the worst it gets, it’s sucking up all of my happiness.

Username: Unknown1738

Date posted: 16w ago

Horrible person OCD

I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.

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Everyday is a constant cycle of regret and misery

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