- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
You’re not alone! I’m currently having a really tough time with this. The worst part is when I convince myself that there isn’t anything wrong with me. I haven’t been actually diagnosed with OCD but I saw my therapist today and showed her a website about ROCD. Feeling really down when I read about people struggling to recover from this too. :( It’s nice to have somewhere to talk to others who understand!
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m not formally diagnosed either, and honestly just knowing this much about myself with the OCD and knowing how far it’s gone back in my life and I didn’t know and haven’t caught it, I don’t know if I want to be formally diagnosed. It’s kind of an irrational scary thought, even though it’s not really. Sorry if that’s a bit confusing. It’s like I’m struggling to accept it about myself and a diagnosis will make it real, even though I already know how real it is for me. I’ve been on the convincing end too. Except, I feel like I’m convincing myself that I love him even though I have 5000 negative thoughts in my head that say otherwise, and in reality, I do love him. But then I feel guilty and it starts back over. It’s all very confusing, but I’m with you there.
- Date posted
- 5y
@cupcake55, it’s hard sometimes to find a therapist who specializes in OCD and is trained in the right therapy for it. Don’t be afraid to keep searching to find the right fit!
- Date posted
- 5y
I can relate. Once I learned that ROCD is a thing and that googling articles is a compulsion it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. My therapist reminds me that there is no one way to know and no right answer to whether a relationship is right or not. I understand how hard it is!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much for responding! I’m the same way, when I learned about compulsions so much made sense to me about what I was doing and how much I actually feed into my OCD. I would love to find a therapist that truly gets it, you are very lucky❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
You are not alone!! You now have a community of people who can completely relate to you. I have been dealing with the same thing and through it all I have learned that love is a choice. I know that my boyfriend is amazing and that I wanted to be with him forever before this hit me, so I continue to choose him everyday and fight this monster. I’m not sure if that was very helpful but just my two cents :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Such good advice, love is a choice is actually one of my favorite reminders. Thank you so much for your words, you really helped ease my mind a lot ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@EDC Of course! It helps ease my mind as well just by typing it out :) every day is a struggle, but I know we all got this!
- Date posted
- 5y
Wow you guys, this is seriously so uplifting, you have no idea! I felt so alone and the compulsive thoughts were eating me alive. Thank you for commenting, all of you! And you guys aren’t alone either. I’m happy to share any of my experiences or thoughts to help in any way I can!
- Date posted
- 5y
So it’s not like I’m always having obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend, but I always have this inner feeling that something isn’t right when there’s absolutely nothing wrong. Does anyone else have this? Like even when the thoughts aren’t there
- Date posted
- 5y
ME all the way
- Date posted
- 5y
@EDC Glad I’m not alone!
- Date posted
- 5y
@Chrissy417 You’re not, for sure. Actually, when I get that feeling you’re talking about, that’s when I start googling. And inevitably I find hundreds of articles titled “Listen To Your Gut!” “Your Chemistry Just Doesn’t Match!” “How You Know He’s Not The One!” I instantly freak out and think all the worse things about my relationship and my feelings for my boyfriend. There’s a YouTuber I recently followed called “Awakentolove” and she talks a lot about these topics and about how they trigger OCD so badly, and how with OCD, our gut feeling can be wrong sometimes.
- Date posted
- 5y
@EDC I actually watch her videos and follow her on Instagram!! She has definitely helped me a lot as well :) the doubts are still there though, it sucks
Related posts
- Date posted
- 12w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
- Date posted
- 5w
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
- Date posted
- 4w
Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.
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