- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You’re not alone! I’m currently having a really tough time with this. The worst part is when I convince myself that there isn’t anything wrong with me. I haven’t been actually diagnosed with OCD but I saw my therapist today and showed her a website about ROCD. Feeling really down when I read about people struggling to recover from this too. :( It’s nice to have somewhere to talk to others who understand!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m not formally diagnosed either, and honestly just knowing this much about myself with the OCD and knowing how far it’s gone back in my life and I didn’t know and haven’t caught it, I don’t know if I want to be formally diagnosed. It’s kind of an irrational scary thought, even though it’s not really. Sorry if that’s a bit confusing. It’s like I’m struggling to accept it about myself and a diagnosis will make it real, even though I already know how real it is for me. I’ve been on the convincing end too. Except, I feel like I’m convincing myself that I love him even though I have 5000 negative thoughts in my head that say otherwise, and in reality, I do love him. But then I feel guilty and it starts back over. It’s all very confusing, but I’m with you there.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@cupcake55, it’s hard sometimes to find a therapist who specializes in OCD and is trained in the right therapy for it. Don’t be afraid to keep searching to find the right fit!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I can relate. Once I learned that ROCD is a thing and that googling articles is a compulsion it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. My therapist reminds me that there is no one way to know and no right answer to whether a relationship is right or not. I understand how hard it is!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you so much for responding! I’m the same way, when I learned about compulsions so much made sense to me about what I was doing and how much I actually feed into my OCD. I would love to find a therapist that truly gets it, you are very lucky❤️
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You are not alone!! You now have a community of people who can completely relate to you. I have been dealing with the same thing and through it all I have learned that love is a choice. I know that my boyfriend is amazing and that I wanted to be with him forever before this hit me, so I continue to choose him everyday and fight this monster. I’m not sure if that was very helpful but just my two cents :)
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Such good advice, love is a choice is actually one of my favorite reminders. Thank you so much for your words, you really helped ease my mind a lot ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@EDC Of course! It helps ease my mind as well just by typing it out :) every day is a struggle, but I know we all got this!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Wow you guys, this is seriously so uplifting, you have no idea! I felt so alone and the compulsive thoughts were eating me alive. Thank you for commenting, all of you! And you guys aren’t alone either. I’m happy to share any of my experiences or thoughts to help in any way I can!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
So it’s not like I’m always having obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend, but I always have this inner feeling that something isn’t right when there’s absolutely nothing wrong. Does anyone else have this? Like even when the thoughts aren’t there
- Date posted
- 5y ago
ME all the way
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@EDC Glad I’m not alone!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Chrissy417 You’re not, for sure. Actually, when I get that feeling you’re talking about, that’s when I start googling. And inevitably I find hundreds of articles titled “Listen To Your Gut!” “Your Chemistry Just Doesn’t Match!” “How You Know He’s Not The One!” I instantly freak out and think all the worse things about my relationship and my feelings for my boyfriend. There’s a YouTuber I recently followed called “Awakentolove” and she talks a lot about these topics and about how they trigger OCD so badly, and how with OCD, our gut feeling can be wrong sometimes.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@EDC I actually watch her videos and follow her on Instagram!! She has definitely helped me a lot as well :) the doubts are still there though, it sucks
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w ago
im having a unusually hard flare up for two months. ive never had it this bad before (ive had this on and off for many years - thank god not constantly.) lately, i keep having these images in my head and scenarios in my head of me "coming out" in the future and ending my relationship with my amazing fiance who i love dearly. he knows everything but i still feel like i am constantly lying to him, my family, and friends. i need to know that this is something the SO-OCD can do to you? the weird thing is, is that i have never been attracted to woman. i do admire their beauty and wish to LOOK like them or have a specific feature they have, but i dont have any urges to like be with them yet i am dealing with this really bad flare up. My brain keeps telling me that since i have never tried it, i would never know, and i am just getting really distressed from it. i just want to be happy again and it seems impossible. I am convinced i am only person that is using SO-OCD as an excuse. Any guidance or advice, or anything really, will help. i just feel alone and scared and sad all the time.
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 13w ago
Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.
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