- Username
- foreverhatingOCD
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You’re not alone! I’m currently having a really tough time with this. The worst part is when I convince myself that there isn’t anything wrong with me. I haven’t been actually diagnosed with OCD but I saw my therapist today and showed her a website about ROCD. Feeling really down when I read about people struggling to recover from this too. :( It’s nice to have somewhere to talk to others who understand!
I’m not formally diagnosed either, and honestly just knowing this much about myself with the OCD and knowing how far it’s gone back in my life and I didn’t know and haven’t caught it, I don’t know if I want to be formally diagnosed. It’s kind of an irrational scary thought, even though it’s not really. Sorry if that’s a bit confusing. It’s like I’m struggling to accept it about myself and a diagnosis will make it real, even though I already know how real it is for me. I’ve been on the convincing end too. Except, I feel like I’m convincing myself that I love him even though I have 5000 negative thoughts in my head that say otherwise, and in reality, I do love him. But then I feel guilty and it starts back over. It’s all very confusing, but I’m with you there.
@cupcake55, it’s hard sometimes to find a therapist who specializes in OCD and is trained in the right therapy for it. Don’t be afraid to keep searching to find the right fit!
I can relate. Once I learned that ROCD is a thing and that googling articles is a compulsion it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. My therapist reminds me that there is no one way to know and no right answer to whether a relationship is right or not. I understand how hard it is!
Thank you so much for responding! I’m the same way, when I learned about compulsions so much made sense to me about what I was doing and how much I actually feed into my OCD. I would love to find a therapist that truly gets it, you are very lucky❤️
You are not alone!! You now have a community of people who can completely relate to you. I have been dealing with the same thing and through it all I have learned that love is a choice. I know that my boyfriend is amazing and that I wanted to be with him forever before this hit me, so I continue to choose him everyday and fight this monster. I’m not sure if that was very helpful but just my two cents :)
Such good advice, love is a choice is actually one of my favorite reminders. Thank you so much for your words, you really helped ease my mind a lot ❤️
@EDC Of course! It helps ease my mind as well just by typing it out :) every day is a struggle, but I know we all got this!
Wow you guys, this is seriously so uplifting, you have no idea! I felt so alone and the compulsive thoughts were eating me alive. Thank you for commenting, all of you! And you guys aren’t alone either. I’m happy to share any of my experiences or thoughts to help in any way I can!
So it’s not like I’m always having obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend, but I always have this inner feeling that something isn’t right when there’s absolutely nothing wrong. Does anyone else have this? Like even when the thoughts aren’t there
ME all the way
@EDC Glad I’m not alone!
@Chrissy417 You’re not, for sure. Actually, when I get that feeling you’re talking about, that’s when I start googling. And inevitably I find hundreds of articles titled “Listen To Your Gut!” “Your Chemistry Just Doesn’t Match!” “How You Know He’s Not The One!” I instantly freak out and think all the worse things about my relationship and my feelings for my boyfriend. There’s a YouTuber I recently followed called “Awakentolove” and she talks a lot about these topics and about how they trigger OCD so badly, and how with OCD, our gut feeling can be wrong sometimes.
@EDC I actually watch her videos and follow her on Instagram!! She has definitely helped me a lot as well :) the doubts are still there though, it sucks
This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.
Hi, I wanted to make a post because I honestly feel really alone. This is going to be long, but please bear with me and let me know if you relate or have any advice. I’m currently dating quite possibly the best guy I’ve ever met. And by FAR the best guy I’ve ever dated. We have such a strong connection and it’s my first healthy, non toxic relationship. He treats me with so much understanding, respect and kindess. But heres the thing. I have truly terrible ADHD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Panic Disorder and depression. And more specifically I’ve come to realize- ROCD. I constantly have thoughts about him not wanting me, lying to me, cheating on me, etc. I’ve seen a lot of posts about having ROCD where you doubt wanting to be with the other person- but I know with everything in me I want to be with this man. What I obsess about is him leaving me. I have constant anxiety, espescially since my PTSD kicked in about a year ago. Whenever I’m physically with him, I feel incredible. I literally do not get anxiety, and if I do its considerably less harmful- and hes there to hold me and comfort me. I have trouble eating because of my anxiety, but with him that’s never the case. We’ll have a great time- but the second I leave I begin to doubt how he feels. Whether he’s with another girl. Whether it’s too good to be true. Wondering when hes going to leave. These thoughts cycle and cycle in my head in a manner that is so all-consuming I can hardly focus on anything else. If I text him and I don’t get a text back I immediately assumt the worse. I thought at the beginning it was just because we hadn’t made it official, and when we did these feeljngs would do away. But then he made it official. And they didn’t. And then I thought when it got more serious they would go away. But then he told me he was falling in love with me( I felt the same). If anything, it made it worse. I told myself when he told me he was really in love it would get better. He did. We said I love you, and still. Constant worry. He’s not a great texter or caller, but I expressed to him how much I need communication and how much it bothers me when he doesn’t respond- and he apologized (WITHOUT getting defensive) and said that he would work on it. And he HAS. But still. It’s a cycle. The anxiety waiting for a text, the dopamine rush when I get it, respond, then wait and it starts again until he responds. Then again. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s tearing me apart. We’re open with each other- so everytime I get a thought I bring it up to him for reassurance. I explained to him that I’ve been hurt so badly before. The last time I was in love/my first love- was a narcissist who took my virginity by raping me and i stayed with him for a year and a half after that until it got to be too much physical and emotional abuse and he then fucked my best friend. Told everyone I was pathological when I tried to warn people about him. Every guy I’ve started to care about since then has lead me on or used me, and the less attention they gave me the more I needed it and the more I prioritized them. My dad was a narcissist who gave me love then would dissapear, or come back and I would have to take care of him as he was depressed and suicidal (I was 4) and to this day relies so heavily on me that when I don’t respond to him he says hes going to kill himself. I understand that I have severe abandonment issues, as well as trauma, and that I most definitely have an anxious attachment style. I’ve been trying so hard for the past two years to heal myself, but now its all the more important because I can tell that even though hes patient, it hurts him that I don’t feel secure, that I don’t seem like I trust him. I said that as time goes on and I get to knkw him more it’ll get easier, but I’m terrified that may not be the case. I’m so worried that I’m going to ruin this thing, that it will be a self fulfilling prophecy and that I’m missing out on this honeymoon phase, on being happy because I’m constantly worried about when it will be taken from me. I’m in therapy and we tlak about this a lot and I know it stems from my low self esteem and people-pleasing tendencies, but it doesn’t really seem to be helping all that much. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(
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