Not knowing how to cope.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍

Username: Mitu_001Mitu_001

Date posted: 22w ago

Hey ! I am so sorry that you deal with this! I also deal with pocd , but I am not diagonsed yet . I am so sorry . Remember that ocd goes against our morals , its about the things that are important to us.That is why it scares us the most .I try to think that my actions matter , not the thoughts. Is hard , I know , and it can take time. I am not going to a therapist yet but I plan to go . You are brave! Remember that! I also reccomend you to watch Chrissie Hodges and I hope you find a good therapist. I wish you the best!

Username: Taffylee04Taffylee04

Date posted: 22w ago

@Mitu_001 Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. I’ll try to look at it more that way it’s just extremely hard to function everyday when my own brain is attacking me lol. I will check out Christie Hodges also. And I’m sorry you deal with it too I hope things get better for you!

Username: Mitu_001Mitu_001

Date posted: 22w ago

@Taffylee04 Thank you !! I know how it is . But it will get better with time

Username: KL428KL428

Date posted: 22w ago

Same here. I’m sorry you are going through it it can feel relentless. Try to be kind to yourself. I wish I had advice but I’m currently in a bit of a state myself. I wish you kindness and a way forward

Username: Taffylee04Taffylee04

Date posted: 22w ago

@KL428 Thank you for your reply, I appreciate the support. I wish you kindness and a way forward too!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 21w ago

i just stumbled upon your post and you’re literally me when i started dealing w pocd about a year and a half ago. what i can tell you is this; you are 100% not what your brain is telling you. i did such a deep dive into pocd, intrusive thoughts, and everything in between when i started having these thoughts because i know myself- i love children so much, my nieces and nephew are my world. i know it’s cliche to hear but it truly does get easier. you come to realize that your intrusive thoughts are strong but they’re not true and that makes the day to day management easier but it is still hard, im not going to lie to you. i’m still navigating it and it’s truly been the hardest thing i’ve dealt with; i’m 25. i’m here if you need a friend to talk to; you’re never alone❤️

Username: jelly

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent

POCD

Username: Celi

Date posted: 2y ago

Advice For Someone Undiagnosed

i'm sorry in advance for how long this post is and if it's to much information. i'm undiagnosed but have been struggling with compulsions and intrusive thoughts since i was 7 or 8. My worst intrusive thoughts theme has been about p*d*phil*s. I've been dealing with it since my freshman and sophomore year but these thoughts didn't become debilitating until June of last year. I had a panic attack and confessed to my parents about these intrusive thoughts. They were obviously shocked and share. I felt so ashamed and like a monster. After talking with my dad he said we would see a therapist about it. Sadly we never did the first appointment we were late and missed are spot and the second appointment i sprained my ankle the night before so instead i was in the hospital. After that i closed myself off i tried dealing with them on my own using sources like NOCD and stuff. I did try to bring up going to therapy to my parents. Every time they would ask me if the intrusive thoughts were back and I would lie saying "no i just would like to go to therapy" I was so scared they'd be afraid of me and stop loving me, especially my mom. Eventually after awhile my parents forgot about it and I tried ignoring these intrusive thoughts because I was so focused and stressed from school. I decided I could just wait till I turn 18 and schedule myself into therapy. recently though my intrusive thoughts have gotten worse. I recently had a convo with one of my friends who has intrusive thoughts as well and she's encouraging me to talk to my parents. I'm asking y'all what should I do. As much as I'm scared I want to get help because I'm sick of living and feeling like i'm day away from acting on my intrusive thoughts.

Username: CJW-182

Date posted: 35w ago

POCD

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

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