- Date posted
- 1y
Porn and rocd
Am I crazy for thinking that my boyfriend watching porn is cheating?
Am I crazy for thinking that my boyfriend watching porn is cheating?
If you set the boundary that watching porn makes you uncomfortable and he does it anyways, then no.
@Ellie… Thank you
No, because it literally is. How is it any different from him paying a call girl? Don’t let anyone gas light you into thinking this has to do with OCD just because you have a basic moral standard for your relationship.
@RKRowton2005 Thank you. Its hard to tell whether its a moral or ocd or both. I think its a moral but ocd has definitely latched on to it and caused me lots of compulsions around it.
Definitely not crazy. This is very understandable and you should communicate these feelings with your partner. Some couples may not be bothered by this and others might. Tell him how this makes you feel and the boundary you set will go from there. If he continues to do this anyway, then there is more of a cause for concern in my opinion.
@BigGyro09 Thank you this makes a lot of sense ❤️
You’re not crazy at all. You’re dealing with an obsession. Masturbation in both men and women is very important. It is proven to relieve stress, improve intimacy with your partner and also give you an opposite to explore your own pleasures. As long as it is not taking away from yours and your partners sex life how he chooses to pleasure himself, may be through watching porn. However if this doesn’t upset you communicate it with your partner
@Miss.OCD Thank you 🙏❤️
Nope not crazy, this is a reasonable response to your partner essentially deriving pleasure from someone other than you and, possibly, “someone” who can meet sexual wants you may not be comfortable with. Some may be okay with this—it depends on the couple. But if it’s been established that this is NOT appropriate, then he should absolutely not be consuming porn. Even if you didn’t establish it beforehand, I’d still say you’re reasonable in being upset. It’s you finding out something about your partner’s values that you didn’t know before, something maybe you’re not comfortable with. It can be jarring.
@chibiyu Thank you for commenting. I feel a lot less crazy when you put it that way, it can definitely be jarring. I just wish my ocd didnt latch onto it in the way it did because its already hard enough without ocd.
When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.
Despite the fact that I have never once acted flirtatiously with someone else over the course of my 3-year relationship, never talked to anyone inappropriately, never touched or interacted with anyone inappropriately, I have been battling constant ROCD obsessions centered around cheating ever since my partner and I got together. I am constantly worried about whether certain things are cheating: daydreaming about another person (already told my partner about this and he said it was okay and that he does it too), talking in a group chat with someone, sitting next to someone, speaking to them in person. I question my intentions. I worry that I cheated by wearing my hair a certain way in an attempt to look more attractive or by jokingly poking someone with a fake sword (despite doing it to other people too), looking through someone’s social media, etc. I have confessed so many ridiculous things to my partner and he’s always told me that none of them are cheating. I feel so guilty for being attracted to someone else, despite the fact that my partner said it was fine and normal. I have made a very very conscious effort to limit my interactions with this person. I never ever ever ever message them privately, I make an obsessive effort to NOT reply to their messages in a group server (constantly keeping track of the ratio of my replies to their messages compared to other people’s), to ignore them when I see them in person and hardly ever speak to them or initiate conversation with them. Yet I still feel like a disgusting dirty cheater who is hiding a big secret.
I’m spiraling right now because I don’t want my partner to cheat on me in the near future or think about anyone else 😭 I know it’s normal to find others attractive but I don’t want my partner doing it to other people or cheating on me and never telling me I’m sorry I saw someone else post now I’m tripping out right now that my partner may have done that to me I want to be single for life
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