- Date posted
- 1y
Porn and rocd
Am I crazy for thinking that my boyfriend watching porn is cheating?
Am I crazy for thinking that my boyfriend watching porn is cheating?
If you set the boundary that watching porn makes you uncomfortable and he does it anyways, then no.
@Ellie… Thank you
No, because it literally is. How is it any different from him paying a call girl? Don’t let anyone gas light you into thinking this has to do with OCD just because you have a basic moral standard for your relationship.
@RKRowton2005 Thank you. Its hard to tell whether its a moral or ocd or both. I think its a moral but ocd has definitely latched on to it and caused me lots of compulsions around it.
Definitely not crazy. This is very understandable and you should communicate these feelings with your partner. Some couples may not be bothered by this and others might. Tell him how this makes you feel and the boundary you set will go from there. If he continues to do this anyway, then there is more of a cause for concern in my opinion.
@BigGyro09 Thank you this makes a lot of sense ❤️
You’re not crazy at all. You’re dealing with an obsession. Masturbation in both men and women is very important. It is proven to relieve stress, improve intimacy with your partner and also give you an opposite to explore your own pleasures. As long as it is not taking away from yours and your partners sex life how he chooses to pleasure himself, may be through watching porn. However if this doesn’t upset you communicate it with your partner
@Miss.OCD Thank you 🙏❤️
Nope not crazy, this is a reasonable response to your partner essentially deriving pleasure from someone other than you and, possibly, “someone” who can meet sexual wants you may not be comfortable with. Some may be okay with this—it depends on the couple. But if it’s been established that this is NOT appropriate, then he should absolutely not be consuming porn. Even if you didn’t establish it beforehand, I’d still say you’re reasonable in being upset. It’s you finding out something about your partner’s values that you didn’t know before, something maybe you’re not comfortable with. It can be jarring.
@chibiyu Thank you for commenting. I feel a lot less crazy when you put it that way, it can definitely be jarring. I just wish my ocd didnt latch onto it in the way it did because its already hard enough without ocd.
Does Rocd make it nearly impossible to forgive your partner for anything. Whether it is big or small? My situation is so gray area where there’s something my bf did that I feel like I’m not okay with but he did this when we were first dating (not bf and gf yet). I ruminate all day about it bc I don’t want to lose him and see a future with him and I know he loves me so purely. But I also feel like I’m going against my morals here bc I do feel betrayed by what he did. I try to forgive him by diminishing my feelings and telling myself “he never did anything physical with a girl or went out with another girl while we were together” but still feel so hurt that he even messaged another girl while us dating. He’s given me an explanation and has proved how much I can trust him so I’m just completely stuck on whether I should forgive something I know I would’ve never done to him or leave him even though the only thing he’s done wrong was before us becoming official. I’ve broken up with him countless times over this situation bc I feel like I “can’t live with it” but then immediately when we break up I want him back and I kind of understand his explanation and reasoning. I don’t know what is ocd and what is my real intuition anymore. I genuinely think it’s both. Are any of you guys in the same boat?
Does anyone else experience ocd around the topic of non monogamy and hookup culture and stuff? Im not hating people who are into these things, intact I thinks it great that people have ways of experiencing relationships how they want to and I will always support and advocate for that, but non monogamy and hookup culture is not for me. However because its not for me and I really don't want to partake in any of these things by brain keeps telling me things like: 1. Monogamy is toxic and fake and polyamory is the only real way to have relationships 2. I secretly want non monogamy and casual relationship 3. I'm experiencing these feelings because im a bigot 4. Everyone's involved in non monogamy in some for these days even if its things like open relationships, threesomes etc so monogamy will become rare and you will never have a relationship Those are just some of the thoughts but I have many more. Like I said I'm supportive of people who engage in those things, but I don't want it and I feel as though I can't justify my reasons why I don't want it and that I'm a fake or a bigot. I'm constantly googling "benefits of monogamy" "why monogamy is better" etc to justify to myself why I want what i want. My googling is so obsessive though and I'm up all night doing it and watching videos and things. I can't sleep because of my worries. Everytime I see anything, anywhere relating to non monogamy wheather that be open relationships, polyamory, threesomes etc I feel so sick In my stomach, my anxiety sky rockets and I just want to cry, it's how I am with seeing gay relationship and things with my sexual orientation ocd. (I feel the same when I things about hookups and stuff too). It's like a voice in my head is going "see it's working for these people, you actually want it, your lying if you don't". I have thousands of screenshots of articles and posts that's reassure me about my wants but my ocd always makes be doubt myself. I need some advice on how to deal with it, because im at breaking point and feel like a horrible person. I also want to know if anyone else is dealing with what I'm going through.
Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth
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