Porn and rocd

Does anybody else struggle with the fact, knowing that their boyfriend used to watch porn and makes it you feel jealous or super insecure about yourself? It’s weird because I knew my first boyfriend watched porn before we met and it never really bothered me and now I’m on my second boyfriend and he told me he watched porn and had an addiction about two years ago and is clean but for some reason, this just bothers me and makes me super insecure Way more than my first boyfriend. And I understand that he did two years ago, but the fact imagining him pleasuring himself to another girl and the fact that it’s a girl that has stuff that I don’t have just makes me feel super insecure about my own body, even though this was almost 3 years ago. I just don’t understand why all of a sudden I feel this way because anytime he mentions something like a girl popped up on Instagram. I automatically think oh like this is something he likes like he probably wishes I look like her or just the simple fact of knowing that it accidentally pops up and he sees it and then I hear about it and I just automatically like shut down and I get super insecure and have the time I don’t even want him to like, touch my body because I feel so insecure, knowing the fact that I don’t look like these Instagram girls that randomly just pop up. And it’s crazy because I never cared or thought this way but once I started dating my current boyfriend, I just can’t stop thinking about not being good enough because I don’t look like an Instagram model.

Some of this isn't about ocd. But it causes a lot of ocd problems. And what I'm asking you for is your opinion and what you would do in this situation. So my boyfriend chooses porn over me a lot. He's a hurt teenager and he's went through a lot. Child abuse. Cocsa. Drunk parents. Split parents. He has about 10 siblings and generally has went through so much. But he has a serious porn problem. Which is concerning especially the fact we are teenagers, and he's dating me. In no way whatsoever am I leaving him. Although I need people's opinions. I've communicated about the problem. I've told him how it makes me feel so shit and hurt. And I feel insecure. But what he does is he just stops telling me if he watches is, but then I can tell from his change of behavior and the lying hurts more. And everytime he tells me he's going home (we are long distancced) I INSTANTLY panick, I beg to call him. I try to distract him. I beg him not to watch porn. And it's so damaging me. And I hate it so much but I love him so much and I know he doesn't want to hurt me. And. Sometimes it feels like when he says "I love you" and stuff, it feels like it's not coming from the heart. For example if you where in school and your fellow classmate got forced by a teacher to apologize to you. You would obviously know the class mate doesn't mean it. But there just saying it. That's how I feel with my boyfriend. It feels like I'm forcing him to say he loves me. Like I'm forcing him to talk to me. It's been half a year now we have been together. He crys if I ever bring up leaving him, and I don't wanna leave him. I feel like I've done EVERYTHING to fix this. Yet I'm STUCK. so please. If anyone has any ideas I can try I will. Or any opinions, or even harsh truths. You can be mean. Anything. Thank you so much.

Please help. Been with my boyfriend for 15 months. 6 months into our official relationship I found out he kissed someone 1 week before he asked out officially. He told me he loved me at that time and I felt we were exclusive. He apparently did not . He also agreed he would not watch porn and lied once about it. I also have been spinning about the types of women he thinks are attractive and I find disgusting so I sent him pictures for months hoping he would say it looks gross but he didn’t and it killed me. Throughout the relationship I have been spinning about these issues really hard and it damaged my trust for him but I know he’s an amazing great guy I just feel very uneasy. It has been 1 year of me spinning about these issues and other little ones constantly texting him everyday and my friends about them to try to figure things out but I am unhappy . 4 months ago I had a severe breakdown and since I am severely depressed and anxious every day all day with thoughts of is this a wrong relationship , comparing him to other men, wondering if I would be happier with someone else. I have been seeing a therapist seeing a therapist one thinks I have rocd and a psychologist doesn’t . Nothing is helping me and I’m on Zoloft . I broke up with him a month ago and I’m still spinning in circles if I made the right decision or if I left over rocd and overblowing the issues that bothered me . Someone please tell me if you think this is rocd (edited)