ROCD

My gf and I broke up (I initiated), and decided to go no contact for a little bit until my ROCD is settled down and u tik I make a decision as to whether or not we should get back together. But I’m not sure if I broke up with her because if genuine issues in our relationship or if my rocd was getting to be too much so I figured breaking up with her was the easiest route to stop the rocd thoughts. How do I know if my thoughts about my gf and I breaking up are real versus rocd thoughts? I feel good right now (being broken up) but I’m thinking that’s because it is my rocd thoughts have gone away bc I’m not in a relationship anymore. I would always question if we were meant to be together and would get worried when I recognized that I found someone else attractive. Please help, I don’t know what to do.

Chibee

Date posted: 1y

Why did you break up? Could you go in a bit more detail? (if comfortable)

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@chibiyu I was just so overwhelmed with feeling like I needed to break up with her. We had our issues. She stressed me out, but we worked through things together. One day, I just felt like I needed to break up with her. I don’t know why though. I just felt it deep down that I needed to do it and then I’d be happy because I wouldn’t be missing out in experiencing things with other people. But now that were broken up, I don’t want that

Chibee

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Did she stress you out, or did the OCD that accompanied being in a relationship stress you out? Sounds like you already have your answer but are still hesitant out of fear of repeating the same behavior. I’ve dealt with this as well. What you are experiencing are breakup compulsions. It’s a common compulsion for ROCD. As a quick way to ease our anxiety, we find a way to eliminate the trigger—AKA the relationship. But it’s only temporary and doesn’t actually solve the problem. Having broken up, do you feel the relief that you thought you would have now? I imagine you still feel just as anxious and probably miss your partner. Yeah. Me too. :) When I first met my LDR partner, my ROCD hit immediately and O quickly told him to distance himself, only for us to be committed and official within a few days. I from then on learnt to not listen to those quick and sudden urges I might get to break things off just at the slightest inconvenience. I still get the urges, and I’ve been dating my lovely partner for two years! I have plans to marry him. But the urges don’t stop, BECAUSE they’re irrational and don’t reflect the actual security of the relationship. If anything, the urges can be stronger the more you value your relationship. If you find you are experiencing break up urges, stop. And I mean STOP. Breathe. Give yourself space from your partner if you must, but what you must do is RECOGNIZE that you are in the midst of an OCD flare up. Listen to your body. Am I acting normally? Am I experiencing panic symptoms? Whatever you use to help you identify an OCD episode, do that. Because recognizing you are having an episode is going to help you validate that your breakup urges are FAKE and that you are NOT in immediate danger and that you do NOT need to flee your relationship. If I find the urges are especially powerful, I give myself 24 hours. Typically during that time the urges die down and I have at least one moment of clarity where I can recognize what’s happening, and it def helps prevent me from instigating a senseless fight with my partner! I genuinely wish you the best—please talk things out with your partner and, should you desire to, get back together and give it another shot! Sounds like you miss her. :) But what you also need to do is reassure her on what happened, and what you are going to do to prevent this in the future. Reassure her a lot. Breakups are emotional and scary events, and this is not the sort of compulsion you’d want to get into the habit of doing. Any compulsion that involves another person is the type you want to fight the most! But you can do it. I believe in you! My partner and I have fought and we have won many, many times!!!! Best of luck sweetheart!! ♥️ Keep us posted!

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@chibiyu Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ I will definitely keep you all posted!

Angel1717

Date posted: 24w

ROCD or DENIAL?

So I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but I’ve kinda self-diagnosed myself because of my repeated thought patterns and my way to escape them by searching for answers online (“signs I love her” or taking “do I love her or am I attached/codependent” quizzes) and asking loved ones how they knew they were in love. But recently I started to question this symptom of ROCD, wouldn’t someone in denial about loosing feelings for their partner do the same thing? (try to look for reasons that they do love their partner) I started to feel emotionless and apathy for my partner around the 3 month mark but as we grew closer and had real and emotional talks I started to regain my feelings. But sometimes when we are cuddling i’ll get this sudden emotionless feeling and it gives me anxiety. (It also scares me to think this started at the 3 month mark due to the 3 month rule phenomenon I see on social media) Our relationship has always been soo healthy, I really love my girlfriend and I know it but Im not to sure if i’m actually “IN LOVE.” I sometimes get intrusive thoughts about her looks and feel like im in love with her physical potential rather than how she looks now and that feels so wrong but don’t get me wrong either I still still think she’s beautiful regardless of how she looks. I love everything else about her like her personality, kindness, generosity, and loyalty. She’s my first girlfriend so I don’t know how to distinguish between loving someone and being in love with someone. I also don’t know how to or how it feels to move on from someone after so many emotional/special moments with them and the thought about starting a new relationship makes me feel uncomfortable and is just something I don’t want, hence the feeling that I might just be attached/codependent. I feel so uncomfortable when thinking that if we break up I might never see her again and we’ll never get to rejoice in sharing these emotional, special, and beautiful moments. I want it to be her that I spend the rest of my life with so badly but I feel like my mind is stopping me from picturing a future of us together even though that’s what I really want. (writing this sentence^ I got the intrusive thought of “are you sure that’s what you really want” and now i’m questioning myself) I also can’t help but feel this intense anxiousness in my chest and an inner gut feeling/voice telling me to break up with her without any reason other than because I have a strong feeling she isn’t the one. I haven’t acted on this feeling because In the case that I do have ROCD I know this gut feeling/intuition cannot be trusted. I also read, in the case that I do have ROCD the way to treat it is to endure the anxiety and face uncertainty but I feel like there is no uncertainty about my relationship. I feel 100% safe with her and that she won’t cheat on me, so why do i feel like this!!! I don’t want to endure this anxiety forever, I’m so confused! I’m currently looking for therapy to help decipher my feelings correctly and see if I’m experiencing ROCD. But according to what i’ve explained.. Is this ROCD or DENIAL about losing feelings?

Ferrety

Date posted: 21w

I don't want to break up with my girlfriend but..

I keep having this overwhelming thought of "I need to break up with her," however I really don't want to. It causes me so much anxiety when I try to fight the urge to the point that I'm bed ridden and unable to work. Is this normal for ROCD or am I just fighting my actual feelings?

Relationship OCD

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 16w

I feel like I want to be single… ROCD?

Lately I’ve been having moments where I want to be single and explore other possibilities, like new relationships or flings. Sometimes I even feel like I do not want to marry my partner. Those moments honestly scare me. In the last two days alone, I almost broke up with my boyfriend three different times. I love him, and I want to love him without these moments/urges to leave. I’ve been feeling especially numb and distant this past month, and while my OCD has been quieter, my connection to the relationship feels like it’s slipping. I feel like I might be glorifying the idea of being single, like the freedom and exploration seem so idealized. I’ve been looking for posts that sound similar to what I’m going through (yes, I know that’s a compulsion), and I’ve found a few that made me wonder if maybe OCD is more involved in this than I initially thought. I just really don’t understand how. Could it be a mix of my numbness and OCD? Could the urge to explore or the emotional flatness around the relationship be OCD showing up in a different way? One other thing I’ve noticed: whenever my boyfriend is sweet or romantic, I feel this deep guilt or just nothing. Like I cannot say “I love you” back without feeling like I’m lying. It makes me feel like a bad partner. I just want to understand how OCD might be playing a role in all of this.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

ROCD

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community