marcygirl23
- Date posted
- 1y
Suicidal OCD
Having a really bad day. OCD recovery feels impossible. Can’t tell if I’m suicidal. Anything helps
B4ll_Tongue26B4ll_Tongue26
- Date posted
- 1y
I get suicidal ocd a lot and I understand how hard it is. I struggle with thinking if I'm suicidal or not. But if it's stressing you out pretty bad it's ocd. Hope it gets better for you!
marcygirl23marcygirl23
- Date posted
- 1y
@Claudio. It’s so distressing. Hoping it will improve just got into an IOP
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
I felt like that a few weeks ago. I felt I could not distinguish reality from the distortions in my mind and it made me feel worthless. Today, only a few sessions later, I had a nearly anxiety free day. Things get better, sometimes much better in a very short time. Everyone’s progression is different but something that helped me was reaching out to my brother, and to my therapist. Your thoughts may feel unspeakable, but if you have someone whose willing to listen without judgement, it can really help to speak with them. Even if you don’t go into details and just tell them that you’re in distress, the empathy and support you
Endlessly PonderingEndlessly Po...
- Date posted
- 1y
@Anonymous What did you do in your sessions that helped so much?
marcygirl23marcygirl23
- Date posted
- 1y
@Anonymous Thanks for the comment. I have a wonderful support system which is a blessing
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
I’m sorry if this is a lot. Sometimes small tweaks can help a lot. If you have a therapist you can talk to you can work out a good course of action for you
philofelistphilofelist
- Date posted
- 1y
if the thought gives you lots of anxiety & distress, it’s likely to be OCD. good luck 💜
marcygirl23marcygirl23
- Date posted
- 1y
@philofelist Hard to remember and understand sometimes when you’ve never been truly suicidal. But it does help. Thank you
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
Get can really go a long way
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
What helped the most I think was identifying the core fears attached to my intrusive thoughts. At first I was responding the same way to every intrusive thought with the same response—something like I don’t know if that’s true or not. This was helpful but there seems to be a better way. There are deep seated fears associated with each intrusive thought. If you can write a response prevention message (the thing you say in your head to respond to the thought) that fits the overarching fear you can “attack the thoughts at the source”. I had/have intrusive thoughts about being a pedophile and sexually assaulting my girlfriend. The underlying fear for both of these was that I am really a deeply evil person and had somehow tricked myself into believing I was good. Now my responses for both of these intrusive themes are something like “I may or may not be a deeply evil person” or “I may or may not have deceived myself into thinking I’m a good person”.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
@Anonymous I have also had intrusive thoughts about my sexuality. I found out that I am actually less afraid of being gay than I am of lying to myself for 21 years about my sexuality. The response “I may or may not know who I am” is broader and scarier than something like “I may or not be attracted to my coworker”.
NasheNashe
- Date posted
- 1y
You are not alone. I struggle with suicidal ocd every day due to my past. We got this!
marcygirl23marcygirl23
- Date posted
- 1y
@Nashe Thanks for the support. Here for you as well!
marcygirl23marcygirl23
- Date posted
- 1y
@Nashe How are you doing?
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BeeBarf
- Date posted
- 21w
OCD as a teen TW suicide
WHY is it so bad?? who was gonna tell me 16 was just DREAD, my ocd has flared up worse than ever and i can’t go to therapy weekly anymore. im getting worse and i can’t do it. I just want to give up.
Medicine2021_
- Date posted
- 19w
Suicidal OCD and harm OCD
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 17w
religious OCD
Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help
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