Suicidal OCD

I get suicidal ocd a lot and I understand how hard it is. I struggle with thinking if I'm suicidal or not. But if it's stressing you out pretty bad it's ocd. Hope it gets better for you!

I felt like that a few weeks ago. I felt I could not distinguish reality from the distortions in my mind and it made me feel worthless. Today, only a few sessions later, I had a nearly anxiety free day. Things get better, sometimes much better in a very short time. Everyone’s progression is different but something that helped me was reaching out to my brother, and to my therapist. Your thoughts may feel unspeakable, but if you have someone whose willing to listen without judgement, it can really help to speak with them. Even if you don’t go into details and just tell them that you’re in distress, the empathy and support you

I’m sorry if this is a lot. Sometimes small tweaks can help a lot. If you have a therapist you can talk to you can work out a good course of action for you

if the thought gives you lots of anxiety & distress, it’s likely to be OCD. good luck 💜

Get can really go a long way

What helped the most I think was identifying the core fears attached to my intrusive thoughts. At first I was responding the same way to every intrusive thought with the same response—something like I don’t know if that’s true or not. This was helpful but there seems to be a better way. There are deep seated fears associated with each intrusive thought. If you can write a response prevention message (the thing you say in your head to respond to the thought) that fits the overarching fear you can “attack the thoughts at the source”. I had/have intrusive thoughts about being a pedophile and sexually assaulting my girlfriend. The underlying fear for both of these was that I am really a deeply evil person and had somehow tricked myself into believing I was good. Now my responses for both of these intrusive themes are something like “I may or may not be a deeply evil person” or “I may or may not have deceived myself into thinking I’m a good person”.

You are not alone. I struggle with suicidal ocd every day due to my past. We got this!