Started ERP

A week or so ago and I never expected to be doing it during comprehensive DBT but here we are... It's a good thing my therapist has literally been through the OCD/ERP ringer herself. Anyway, I did my first exposure yesterday and I didn't expect the meta-obsessions to come up so rapidly but they did, and in a cursedly-large number, as did all the other mental compulsions, and then perfectionism about "Am I even doing this right?! Am I doing it 'well enough'? Will it even work? What if I'm wasting my time and I don't even have OCD?!" The thoughts were racing at many points and I was overwhelmed; I looked up ways to ruin mental compulsions and while on Google I realized I was forgetting that not all my thoughts were rituals, but also obsessions...and then I got distracted for a few minutes reading stuff about ERP before going back to my exposure. And it struck me that at least part of googling stuff was probably a ritual. Lmfao. My perfectionism obsession wanted to strike out those 10-15 min. and pick up from where I left off before, i.e., extend the whole thing to an hour and fifteen minutes, but I denied it that satisfaction... The whole exposure seemed to go really off track from where it started, which was writing something down on my DBT diary card, and my thoughts kept trailing off that whole thing. Is that expected with exposures? It was mostly automatic so I just kept bringing my attention back again and again to what I was doing. I was and continue to be so bewildered by the whole experience lmfao. I expected a bumpy road and curveballs to boot but not quite so numerous :')

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Nope, that can be how it works. When you begin your recovery journey this disorder will fight you, throw you side curves and even try to make you doubt you have OCD. It will try to make you ruminate over the What-Ifs. When I began ERP therapy, my therapist warned me that it may get worse before it gets better. She said we're unraveling the malware in my brain, and recovery is messy, not linear. You'll have good days and bad days, but over time you will begin to recover. It will get better. You didn't mention if you are in therapy with a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy. If not, I encourage you to get an OCD therapist. You need a coach. Hope this helps.

monarchy-in-...

Date posted: 1y

She's not exactly. I'm in comprehensive DBT which is a year-long minimum commitment. She's a DBT therapist and a doctoral student in psychology, and she's done ERP herself for her own OCD. She's also the best therapist I've had in my 15 years in the system so I definitely trust her to at least give this a try with me and if it doesn't seem to be working out I don't doubt we'd agree I should get ERP on the side, through NOCD, perhaps.

Jennifer Dal...

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 25w

Let’s talk about Therapy

So you got to ask me anything… Now I’d like to ask you something! I’ve heard from Members that they were so scared coming to their first ERP session. They were terrified that I would think they were crazy, that I would tell them their worst fears were true. That I would confirm they are some form of a terrible person or have them hauled off to prison for their thoughts. I’ve also had Members share how they’re very scared to begin ERP treatment because they’ve researched enough to know it means facing the fear, without the compulsions that have kept them feeling safe (but not really safe) this entire time. They struggled to see how they could be capable of doing this, while simultaneously acknowledging that they did not want to live like this anymore. If you have had your first session, what were your thoughts before? Did you have any hesitations or fears going into it? How did it turn out? If you haven’t yet begun to work with an ERP specialist, what is holding you back?

Anonymous1990

Date posted: 25w

ERP

I’m starting NOCD. I had several years of cbt as a child (well over 20 years ago) and I see a trauma therapist. But now I’ll be seeking further help for OCD and just really scared. CBT wasn’t helpful for me. How has ERP been helpful for you? Do you feel like you’ll finally get your life back? I’m consumed by my obsessions 😢 Would love others feedback if ERP helped you ❤️

"Pure" OCD

Looping

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

ERP/Therapy

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.

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Started ERP

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