Contamination

I’m looking for some help with this, of course OCD themes switch and lately it really is about harming others through contamination. Every time I touch something almost I have constant thoughts “if I don’t do this this means I want to hurt my family or loves one” but the thought feels so real like I want to do it, but obviously I don’t and gives me so much anxiety. Last couple months I was really spending a lot of time washing my hand from counting but now it’s got to the point that I can’t do anything without having thoughts that if I don’t clean or wash myself it means I want to get someone sick. It’s scary and I’m trying to not engage into the thoughts but they keep popping up. Any tips with harm contamination OCD and reducing these crazy thoughts? It almost feels like I want to have these thoughts but really they scare me if that’s makes sense? Any help would be awesome, thanks!!

I am always worried about medication/drugs and I am so anxious about whether I might be under the influence of something or not. has experienced anything similar? I have derealization and panic attacks and I am so so tired of worrying about whether or not I am “feeling” real or if something I ate had drugs in it. I am so sick of doing compulsions and living in constant fear!!! I tell myself that it’s fine and that derealization is just my body’s natural coping mechanism and even though I always fear for the worst nothing bad ever happens but I just can’t get it through my head!!! It’s so frustrating!!

I have contamination OCD that causes me to excessively wash my hands/clean items with disinfectant wipes. I know I just need to start with small exposures but how do I do that without spiraling? I tried a while back by just touching the outside of my dishwasher and not washing my hands after and it led to me being unable to even exist in my house. I basically lived on my couch for three weeks as it was the only 'safe' space that I had not touched with my dirty hands. I had to take a week off work to clean my house to make it somewhat liveable. I still haven't got round to cleaning everything though so things like my kitchen are still no-go zones that I don't enter. I just don't know how to start ERP without it making everything worse. Any advice would be appreciated. I am not seeing a therapist at the moment due to financial constraints.