Relapse and feeling alone

I’ve worked on my ocd for years now, and more often than not it’s manageable, but when my ROCD flares up it really bothers me. I’ve been with my partner 7 years everything is fine realistically but after a triggering argument I keep getting intrusive thoughts that my partner is cheating on me. I have no proof because there’s been no real reason to believe it other than minor changes in his behavior (he recently was laid off and is a bit stressed so it’s understandable.) I can tell I’m going through ocd because it’s leading me to feel the need to check, ask reassurance, and think things through constantly. I’m trying to get over it but it makes me worry if it is really happening and I’m not having ocd. Even though my partner has never given me a solid reason to believe they would do that to me. It’s just so hard because I feel like no matter how many times he proves to me he’s not my brain still comes up with a reason it may be true. I also don’t want to be a toxic partner and I have explained to him what is happening. I just can’t seem to get any comfort and my brain continuously has been taking moments that were probably innocent and turning it into potential evidence. Has anyone else dealt with this theme? I feel like I’m going crazy

Username: ArellaArella

Date posted: 22w ago

i completely understand how you feel and i go through this as well. i often feel toxic too and i feel like my behaviors will drive my partner away because it is a lot to deal with over and over. i think the best thing we can do is give ourselves the reassurance we need. it’s not our fault that we think this way and though sometimes irrational, our feelings are valid. if your partner isn’t educated about relationship ocd or ocd in general i recommend explaining how you feel throughly to give them a better understanding. at the end of the day they will never understand, but they can support you better by knowing your triggers, and how to comfort you. if they love and respect you you they will do everything in their power to make you feel comfortable. don’t settle for what you don’t deserve, but also give them grace as they may be trying their best. this feeling won’t be forever it’s just temporary <3

Username: IN-tuition-FJIN-tuition-FJ

Date posted: 22w ago

I am sorry you are going through this ordeal. My last relationship I had five years ago I was constantly having intrusive thoughts about my girlfriend at the time cheating on me. I constantly made remarks about the situation and my phobias. I was anxious attachment style and I became needy, clingy and obsessed with her. It all started from some texts she got from couple guys from her past that texted her sexual remarks. I was going insane with my delusions and intrusive thoughts that she was cheating on me. To not make this super long all I can say is that it got worse and I was not diagnosed, medicated, nor I was in therapy. I made her life a living hell. The best you can do from my perspective is that communication is a key, trust is the most important thing and space between couples is very important. Taking time off to hang out with friends or family outside of the relationship is a must. Therapy is very important, I do not know if you are on medication, I am no doctor to say anything about this but if your intrusive thoughts are ruining your relationship I advice you to ask your doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist for help on this matter. He or she will guide you to fit you with the best medication that can help lessen your symptoms. Mindfulness meditation, grounding = putting your feet on the ground as getting close to the elements, journaling and any type of physical activity may really help you along your journey. I really hope the best of luck finding your way to getting better and the best of luck in your relationship with your partner. Take care.

Username: Maureen

Date posted: 5y ago

How do you know it's a false memory/OCD and not something that actually happened? I feel like a terrible person. I'm a very creative person, and the more I stress about whether I did this bad thing the more it seems real. The worst part is is that I have no way of reassurance without sounding crazy. I have ROCD and I randomly started obsessing over the 7 months of our relationship whether or not I've cheated on him. Even though I love him more than anything and I would never do that! I'm constantly triggered by coworkers or classmates that I've previously found attractive or liked and/or I know they've liked me or flirted with me. I'm at the point now where I'm rereading simple texts/straightforward texts of these people asking me about school work or if I could cover a shift trying to find proof of something I can't remember. My partner knows about my OCD and is very understanding and supportive. I feel like I'm living a lie. When this first started my rational brain knew this wasn't real, but the more I become obsessed the more it becomes more distorted. I feel guilty for being happy. I just want to be guaranteed it's not real so I can move on with my life. It's moving to specific people now and it's scaring me how real it feels.

Username: Gmmlse

Date posted: 4y ago

Feeling so lost and overwhelmed. My ocd has been focused on my boyfriend for the past year. We had a rough patch and he made some new friends at work. I then became obsessed he fancied one of them and went through all his messages and obsessively questioned him. He has stood by the fact he didn’t like her like that and other people who speak to him about it think he didn’t. He’s spoken to my therapist and tried to help, but I just can’t get it in my head he’s not lying. The things I believe to be ‘evidence may aren’t really telling. I found out they were still chatting on insta once she left his company but the convo was fairly platonic - they were just talking about work and the new people. She did make a comment it would be more fun if I was still there, but she is french so there is a slight language barrier (I thought this sounded flirty). She also messaged him about a festival she was at with her boyfriend. He said they are very in love and moved in together and from her social media they seem that way. I also once came home and picked up his phone and it opened onto a video of her he’d been watching which he’d filmed of her falling asleep in the office. He said he’d just been flicking through his videos but I became obsessed he was really missing her. All my family and friends think he’s telling the truth. He’s taken me to doctors appointments and keeps telling me the power is in my hands. I told him the other day I’ve spent the past year imagining the things I believe to be true and negatively reinforcing it and said it’s hard to unlearn. He was upset by this and said why have you done that when I’m not lying. He said that if what he’s told me isn’t enough that’s okay. Maybe I can’t get over the fact he had this friend and I can’t trust what he said. Prior to this we’d been together happily for 5 years. He’s now said we’ve spent a year unhappy, me not trusting him and breaking down. He said he wants to really move on with life, start saving for a house etc and has asked me to draw a line under this. He’s broken up with me 3 times in the past to give me a wake up call that he cannot take the questioning and yet I still feel I don’t believe him. I was cheated on in the past and I think that’s really traumatised me. I don’t want my ocd to force me to leave him. It’s seems so unfair, had I not had ocd I wouldn’t have viewed it like this. But maybe I can’t get over it - even though nothing has happened. I feel so bad for putting him through this and so bad I’m not helping myself either. Just want some kind words. Has anyone else ever had their ocd stop them from being able to see things clearly or how other people do?

Username: savvysavvy

Date posted: 4y ago

So my most current theme has been ROCD. It’s been nagging at me for the last 4 years. OCD makes me INCREDIBLY self critical and I often turn that internal voice on to my partner and can be incredibly critical of him. In essence, I’m almost subconsciously sabotaging my relationship which is the OPPOSITE of what I want. I’m looking for people who experience this same response and patterned behaviour. Share tips, in-the-moment awareness suggestions. Words of encouragement (not reassurance). OCD is such a trip lol

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Relapse and feeling alone

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