I feel like its over. I feel like I'm slowly becoming what I fear and I'm just trying to convince myself its OCD.. I hate every bit of the way I'm feeling, but I get thoughts saying I should just accept the truth.. I don't know what to do anymore
I feel the same way, my brain will go “you’d be happier if you just gave in, just accept the truth.” And I think those thoughts are amongst some of the scariest ones to experience with this theme.
Yeah they are, and they feel so real too which terrifies me
maybe try accepting you could be becoming this. i know how horrible it sounds and how much anxiety it can cause, but it’s clear that pushing against this idea will never bring you peace. no matter how much you convince yourself, your brain isn’t going to find it sufficient, and i know that from first hand experience lol. you are in control of your actions, full stop. no matter who you are “on the inside” does not mean that you are forced to comply with it. accept that you could or couldn’t be truly experiencing these thoughts as a truth. you don’t have to say, oh i’m a pedophile now, but that you could or could not be experiencing those sexual desires. we want control, and allowing ourselves to let go of that control helps us deal with these thoughts. i continue have urges, whether pocd thoughts, or other harmful thoughts, i don’t care whether or not my “true self” truly feels that way because i am not my thoughts and i can choose my actions. letting go of the fear that you could truly be feeling this way, really does help. all of the fear that comes with accepting that possibility, accept it too. don’t reassure yourself. good luck, i know how challenging this is, feel free to reply if you need to talk!
@maxowens let’s take a personal experience as an example. my biggest struggle was ROCD. the hardest part for me when attempting these things was to get over the hump of “what if i’ll never be happy unless i go with the thoughts that i feel” and instead of responding to that with fear, i simply responded with “yeah that could definitely happen, anyways im gonna go back to doing whatever i was doing” now it’s not easy, and it takes practice, but you’ll get there i promise, just keep trying!
Thank you. I always see people saying this regarding OCD, and I have tried, but in the end I always quit. It feels like I'm letting my guard down, and that sucks, especially with this kind of theme. I feel like I could do that with all my other themes but this one. I just really don't want my thoughts to be true..
@MushroomStew oh trust me i get it. POCD is probably the hardest one to accept. letting your guard down is what it takes to continue to progress. i know you don’t want it to be true, none of us do, but the reality is, i could in fact have pedophilic tendencies, fear from that will never make it go away. i am not afraid of it anymore, and those ideas just simply lack the meaning on my life that they once did. i didn’t accept those and turn into a viscous monster, but i also didn’t shy away from that possibility either. you have support from this community. and doing this will help the fog clear and let you see your true feelings. if those feelings happen to end up being the ones you don’t want, then there’s ways to work on that too. think of it like this. if you were really really scared of having plain ocd itself, would that fear change the reality of your situation, or just make you experience more mental anguish then you need to? our brain wants control, it feels like if we push against the thought enough it’ll go away, but it never really works that way. allow these thoughts to come, and resist the urges that come with them.
@maxowens - I know that that's the best thing to do, even if it feels terrible. Thank you for your advice, I'll try my best to follow it. Recently I've been thinking that I should just end it incase it is true. If a kid went to their teacher, and said they had thoughts about shooting everyone, the teacher wouldn't brush it off, I'm sure the police would be called. I've felt it's the same for me, the very fact that a maybe exists should be enough of a reason to kill myself, because I can't potentially hurt someone if I'm dead. But I've been too afraid to do it
@MushroomStew sending love. you will have the strength to get through this
I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.
I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
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