Suicide attempt

I forced myself out for a drink with my girlfriend and her friends as my thoughts were being centered around this will happen if you go etc. I said I wasn't going to drink a lot but then the thoughts subsided and I started drinking more and when we were in the last pub I got racing instrusive thoughts of murdering/raping and causing harm to people and myself. These intensified when we got home and the vivid images of the acts I was commuting were so vile and graphic (skinning people/eating there brains and organs to name a few), I tried talking to my girlfriend about the thoughts of killing her family etc and she likes not judged me but couldn't handle the thoughts and that made me spiral to the point of having suicidal thoughts and making an attempt for my own life. I didn't tell her I was feeling suicidal or that I didn't want to act on these thoughts and now I feel terrible. I have been told to sit with the imagery and thoughts but how does one do that when its constant.

Username: AldenwillAldenwill

Date posted: 18w ago

I’m really sorry you had to go through this, bro. You should know Most people who do ERP do it progressively. They start with exposure to mildly distressing things then work their way up to cutting out compulsions/ reassurance around stuff like the thoughts that made you spiral that night. I myself was very hasty and tried to tackle my worst fears right away because I wanted to get better asap, but unfortunately that didn’t work. It’s a process. And I won’t lie to you it’s a challenging and drawn out process, but when you feel the results they’re real and they inspire you to keep going. It’s really about reprogramming yourself entirely and changing the way you interact with your thoughts that stem from your ego. I wish you the very best bro I know you can conquer this even if it seems impossible right now. I have been there as have many others.

Username: djfloriodjflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w ago

I completely understand how scary and confusing this can all be, and I'm sorry to hear that things escalated to that point. First and foremost: obsessing over suicidal thoughts or just "feeling suicidal" is one thing, and can be addressed through the techniques discussed here with or without a therapist. If you honestly made a physical attempt at your life, however, then I plead that you find a professional to talk to as soon as possible, and preferably face-to-face. You can only get so far reading text written by strangers, especially strangers that don't know you or your whole story. With all of that in mind, I'm happy to give my advice based on what you wrote. Alcohol really inhibits our ability to truly be aware of what is happening in the present moment. This makes advice like being mindful, allowing the thoughts to be, and sitting with the feelings, somewhat futile because they completely rely on our ability to be aware. I'm not here to tell you to stop drinking, but I would very carefully consider your mental state before going out for a night where you might get drunk. When you are out with friends or your girlfriend, I would say the only thing you really have to do is expect that intrusive thoughts will arise, and to simply notice when they do. No matter how terrible or frequent they are, the only thing you have to do is recognize them as intrusive thoughts. You can think, "ah, there's that violent thought again," or, "I see you, violent thought. I will come back to you later when I get the chance." They might stick around the whole time you're out, but they don't have to be in the foreground of your attention. Focus on what is right in front of you, regardless of the chatter in your head. The goal is to have the mindset of, "I'm enjoying a night out with my girlfriend AND I'm experiencing intrusive thoughts," and understanding that things can happen at the same time. It's not the content or the frequency of the thoughts that causes any problems, it's when you grab onto them and get taken for a ride that you really suffer. This stuff takes practice, and will gradually get better over time with baby steps.

Username: jelpk

Date posted: 5y ago

LONG POST: Can someone help me by answering this? I’ve had intrusive thoughts before but I used to just push them away. In September, I had intrusive thought about life after death and it sent me into a spiral of fear and anxiety. I had trouble falling asleep and focusing during the day. I went to see a therapist a month later. It was a walk-in session and they told me to do CBT. Accept uncertainty and move on. This gave me even more anxiety. Eventually, with meditation, i was able to keep the thoughts at bay. Then in December, I began to have intrusive thoughts about my sister. They were sexually disturbing and I even wished that I could have intrusive thoughts about death again. I then it switched to sexual thoughts about my brother and he’s only a kid so I feel even more disgusted by myself. It’s been like this for three months now. I’ve tried meditating but it’s not doing much. I’m ashamed to tell my parents and I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’ll act on the thoughts all the time. Then I wonder if I actually want to have them. It’s so draining. I hate waking up each day to these thoughts. I wonder if I actually want to have them since I have had them for so long. I’m so frustrated with myself.

"Pure" OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Anonymous

Hi all. I opened up to my psychiatrist today (my therapist and ocd therapist know) about the intrusive thoughts I've been having. The one thought would pop up over and over "child porn" and it made me so sick to my stomach because I can't believe I would think of such a thing. Then the thoughts were more dark like thinking of touching my son and even images of that happening..then came urges...and i felt so guilty and disgusted with myself :( after I told my psychiatrist ( who is currently treating me for bipolar 1) he was so concerned and told me I need to stay with my mom to make sure my son is safe. To not trust myself and have someone watch me. Well that made me feel a whole lot worse! The thoughts were actually subsiding this week and talking about it with him made the "child porn" thought pop up again. I just feel like I'm failing at life and as a mother. My immediate family think I should turn myself into a mental health facility and have intensive treatment. They think because I have those thoughts that I want to act on them or to let it go. I don't want to act on them and would never! Im scared of my thoughts and thats the problem. This is so frustrating.

Username: gray1

Date posted: 1y ago

Gave into a compulsion….

I had a really good day yesterday because I was able to manage my thoughts and identify them as intrusive. I had little to no anxiety and actually felt pretty stable throughout the day. Then, I went to sleep last night and had a triggering dream that I cheated on my girlfriend. I would never do that :( I hate these thoughts. If the thoughts involve my girlfriend, I feel like I have to tell her…..any advice on this? I ended up telling her and she said that I’m telling her to feel less guilty in the moment but at the expense of her feelings. This made me feel terrible 😞. The last thing I want to do is hurt her but I just feel like such a bad person having these thoughts. Please help if you have any advice 😕

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Suicide attempt

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