I did it.

When I first started with NOCD I was so anxious I could barely even eat and sleep. I had just gotten a new boyfriend and I was so anxious about it because I wasn’t sure if he was right for me, if I liked him like that, or if I loved him enough. I remember one night I broke down and I talked to my mom about all my troubles- which I typically avoided because she would always give me triggering answers such as “If you feel this way maybe it’s a sign” or “Listen to your gut feeling”. But this time I talked to her was different. She saw I was starting to really like this guy and she recommended I start looking for a therapist to help me out. So began my therapist hunt. I tried a lot of different therapists but none of them actually understood what I was going through, and that made me feel even more hopeless. Then I found NOCD. My mom was hesitant to let me try this type of therapy because she refused to believe I would ever have OCD. But she agreed to let me have one session. And then I met my therapist. I told her everything from the get go and instead of the usual shocked look I was used to, she met me with a warm smile and an “I understand”. She diagnosed me with OCD on our first or second session, and we were just talking about how it presented in my life, and everything just started to click. It all started to make so much sense, and I’d never had more hope for a better future than I did in that moment. I told my mom everything she said and she agreed to let me keep seeing my therapist- and then the road to healing began. I eventually told my new boyfriend at the time that I had ROCD, and he told me he would be there for me, and he was always in my corner proud of me for doing the work to get better. The amount of times I’ve heard “Healing is not linear” from my therapist whenever I would come into session anxious to the max about wether I was on the right track or if I was doing enough to get better is astronomical. She was always there to help me through what I was feeling in the moment, so that I could learn to do it myself. I remember days in the past 6 months that I went crying to my boyfriend or my therapist saying how hard it was and how I wanted to give up, but fortunately for me they never gave up on me. They were always there to help me get back on track when I needed it, and I couldn’t be more thankful to them. And I guess today is the day that I became an “OCD Conqueror”. Even though I know I have a long journey ahead of me, getting to this point in my journey tells me that I’m strong enough to keep going. Not every day is gonna be easy, but now I know I have the tools within me to keep doing the damn thing. I did it :)