Politics

I feel like my job triggers a lot of how im feeling. Im now a manager and the stress of it really causes my thoughts to convince me that I am worthless and all of the customers and my staff hate me

Am so tired I see no reason to clean no reason to try or think it’s all going to get better. My OCD, keeps telling me we are in the second great depression and we’re going to head to World War III soon. And that there’s no reason in living anymore and I should end it before I see the horrors unfold in front of me. It tells me that I am suffering enough and it’s time to let go. There’s no reason to keep suffering only to die later without any sort of fix to the situation. I cry constantly to myself about the economy about who’s in charge of the US about how I’m gonna live in such a world about how different prices were about how the older generations had it better.. And now my OCD keeps telling me that they’re the bad people. They’re the ones who should suffer. They’re the ones who did this to us. The boomers are the ones that led my generation down into this hell. And it drives me crazy. I think about it every day and it constantly repeats itself telling me that I should just let go that it’s time to let go. I’m only 18 but I’ve been worrying about the economy in the third world war since the age of 12. My psychiatrist said that I am burdened by my intelligence. And my OCD loves to torture me with it. I can’t get out of this malicious cycle of feeling OK OCD coming back giving me anxiety leading to depression. And compulsions of suicide, I just don’t think I’ll be able to live in this world. I don’t think it’s worth it and I think it’s just going to be painful. I went to an abandoned gas station that was abandoned in the early 70s. I found a Coke bottle from the 1960s halfway embedded in the dirt. It was fully intact not even a scratch on it. The glass was thick and sturdy. It looked like it can last forever. Instead of having a rapper that displayed all of the details on it all of the textures of the words in the brand and everything you needed to know was engraved into the glass itself. And you know what?? Back then that was only $.10.. now a Coke with a plastic wrapper made out of plastic in a smaller size is about 3 to 4 dollars.. I just can’t I tried to take my mind off of it, but while I’m growing in, and my OCD loves to taunt me. I can’t seem to pretend like everyone else it’s just too out in the open and my OCD, won’t let me forget. It’s like my own personal hell.

I got harassed in an online game (marvel rivals for anyone curious) today bc I was “playing bad.” I think they realized I’m a female player too (my username makes it obvious) so it gave them more fuel to harass me. I kinda threw the match after all the rudeness. I obsess a LOT over what my teammates think of me, whether I play well, and one negative interaction and I’m spiraling for a long time. I reported the rude players but now I’m too afraid to play again. I feel OCD makes it really hard to play online bc i’m constantly obsessing over my errors and sometimes can’t enjoy the game at all. I also obsess over winning, and it becomes addictive in a way. Anyone else relate?