I have found peace

Like to the point of your mind being yours? And not being anxious or harassed by your thoughts 24/7? I just wanna know if escape is possible?

Ever since starting ERP, my SO-OCD and general OCD has lowered. This has been great. I just wanted to have somewhere to share my thoughts and ask questions. For anyone else, have you realized that the SO-OCD and other forms of OCD are all rooted in what people have said in the past that I hadn’t processed, and up to this point believed hadn’t affected me. It was also odd because to me, I had never had a problem questioning my sexuality, even labeling myself as queer. However, this fear plagued my thoughts whether or not I decided to identity as straight, lesbian, bisexual, etc. It was so weird to me because it felt so foreign to how I’ve always been. I hated the guilt I felt over possibly being in denial or in the closet, over being homophobic, and all of that would just lead to constant stress and spiral. I felt so bad dating or being with my friends, on the off chance I was using them or going to cross lines. Progress isn’t linear, but I definetly feel so much better shedding the random fear I had of expressing affection towards my friends or of “using guys” to prove I was straight. Most of the time, I find that the stress comes from something really real. Like my past experiences with an old friend that I had or just not liking the guy I was dating and not wanting to lead him on. Being able to discern the OCD thoughts and stress from regular stress has been like a breath of fresh air.

I've recently found a way of dealing with my intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but now that I don't get anxious about the thoughts I feel oddly empty, like I keep wondering whats going on, why is this not hitting me like it used to. What do I do with myself now? I don't miss the way these thoughts had a choke hold on me, but I feel like I need to fill my life with something better, but i just don't know what. Has anyone else had this happen?