False memory? please help and give advice

@hanysm@gmail.com I can’t tell her please understand I feel too scared to say anything to anyone. I dont know if these are normal ocd symptoms or if it’s something else.

@leena40” - I understand, but it's likely that you're not scared—you're feeling ashamed. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I'm willing to bet that your mom or dad went through something similar at some point in their lives. Consider reaching out to an aunt, sister, or a trusted family friend. You could also talk to a school counselor, or you religious leader. Trust me, you'll feel relieved and less alone, and you can begin your journey to recovery together.

@hanysm@gmail.com you are completely right. I did end up telling her today but I couldn’t tell her the thoughts exactly. I just told her I had like images going through my head that made me feel terrible. she didn’t really do anything though she said that’s normal and to just pray. I don’t think she understands how bad the thoughts get and I can’t explain them to her. I don’t even know if what I’m seeing is actually true so how could I tell anyone if I myself am so scared. and what if what I’m seeing actually did happen? I couldn’t look at myself the same.

@leena40” - That's an excellent first step. She's correct in saying that prayers can be helpful, and I assume you're Muslim, right? Now that you've brought up the subject, you can initiate the conversation and gradually explain that it's not just the usual things. You might need to see a specialist to ensure everything is okay. At least you won't feel trapped and alone anymore.

@hanysm@gmail.com Yeah and thank you so much for the advice. I have been praying I’ve always been religious my whole life but sometimes I feel like I’m not even allowed to pray because I feel so gross about this. I don’t know how to explain to her, like I barely know myself. I feel like I have false memory ocd or something because I keep looking back at past events or even events that have happened like an hour ago, but it never calms me down because I never recollect what’s happened 100%. I feel like I have disgust ocd or something. The worst part is I don’t know if I do have ocd, what if this is true and not ocd? Like the thought of that prevents me from telling anyone anything exactly because I feel like if I went into the details of the thoughts then people would think I’m crazy.

@leena445 - You are not crazy. Being crazy is thinking what you going through is sanity. I belive the key is to understand how those thoughts and images gets generated. I've been reflecting on this topic and have developed a theory about the root cause of OCD that I find logical and that has resonated with others. I like to think of our brain as a house with a limited-capacity attic, which represents our memory storage. To function efficiently, our brain needs to regularly clear out old, unused memories to make room for new ones, as our brains constantly recording everything thing around us. This process is akin to having a mental "maid" whose job is to clean and organize the attic. When the attic gets full, the mental maid pulls out "dusty" memory boxes and presents them to us. We are meant to quickly decide whether to keep or discard the contents, allowing the box to be reused for new memories. For most people, this process happens seamlessly, with little emotional attachment to old memories. For individuals with OCD, this process becomes complicated. When presented with a memory box, instead of making a quick decision, they begin to ruminate on the contents. These contents often relate to deeply important themes like health, family, or faith. The hesitation to discard these memories signals the brain to keep them, even as new memories need storage. This creates a backlog of memory boxes, all demanding attention. As the backlog grows, the brain's functioning is threatened by the lack of available memory space. In response, the mental maid pushes these memory boxes to the forefront more frequently and urgently. This increased urgency can manifest as intrusive thoughts or compulsions, and the cycle of pain continues, potentially worsening over time. It's important to note that this process isn't under our conscious control. It's an inborn mechanism in our brain that's meant to keep us functioning optimally. In OCD, this helpful process becomes overactive, leading to distress and dysfunction. This theory aims to provide a different perspective on OCD, viewing it as a malfunction of a normally beneficial brain process rather than as a purely negative condition. Interestingly the same process is the one responsible for our dreams while sleeping. Basically, the "maid" presenting unrelated boxes of memory for recycling, and the result is images , sounds, situation that unrelated and bizarre we call a dream. Which also points to the common bad sleeping habits many persons with OCD have as a potential trigger for OCD. I hope this helps.

@hanysm@gmail.com - Ohh, forgot to add that social media and this little phone you have, plus staying up late is a major triggers.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you so much for taking time out to write all of that. I really do think you’re right, but I don’t understand because in my case specifically I have a good sleep schedule and I get up early. For my phone I mean yeah but I’m not constantly on my phone especially on days I have events. Like I have no trouble falling asleep either and I never have in my life lol. It’s just that like it’s this one specific thing that triggers me every day and it’s something everyone has to do daily. Like I don’t want to say it but it’s only that one thing that causes anxiety in me and makes me think like oh did I do something weird or did I get contaminated or something. Even when I replay the events and I know that’s not possible I still have that fear. Well I mean it is possible and that’s what reinforces the fear like what if it’s true and then I feel gross. I just don’t know why I can’t remember.

@leena445 - This seems like the problem my son has. It has to do with contamination and being clean for Salat?

@hanysm@gmail.com Oh I see, yeah mine is kind of similar but only really specific things trigger it and I don’t know why.

@leena445 - If it is like what my son has, I toke only few sessions with the therapist, and he is doing great now. Like I said, just tell mom slowly what you going through, and you need help. InShaa Allah you will be better. If I can help in anyway, please let me know. You will be fine, and the future is much better

@hanysm@gmail.com If you’re comfortable can you describe what your son has? Thank you for the advice

@leena445 - Sure, it started with observation of spending too much time in the bathroom. In the beginning I thought he is doing something he shouldn't do, and we counseled him that it is not a good thing, which he came back and told us he stopped such bad habit. Yet, the long stay, and I am saying hours continued. Always there was the excuse of needing to use the restroom, and he can't help that. I will be honest, his mom enabled that, by making her excuses for him when I brought the possibility of OCD, by saying he is just finicky person. Until recently, and skipping forward, and maybe because I started to push him to stop by banging the bathroom door, and interpreting him. I believe this didn't help, and he had a major breakdown and then his Mom realized there is a problem, but was against him taking medication. I was able after that to talk him into seeing a NOOXD therapist and a doctor psychiatrist. He has dar improved now. As to his symptoms, he fears Najas or unclean things like pork or dogs, assuming it is forbidden in Islam, which is not very true. Those animals are still creation of Allah, and deserve our mercy, we just not eat, and be cautious of its unclean nature. Also, he tied that to using the bathroom, and feelings that some substances might have touched his body or cloth or even the floor. So he would wash and wash, sometimes taking looooong showers after each use even it is just urinating. As you can see, those rituals chowed his days, leaving no time to enjoy his age (he is in his 20's). Now I still see some, but he seems to have things under control. Sorry, but this us very hard for a father and mother to see thier son in this condition, and also feel helpless against this illness. That's why I promise myself to be on this app maybe I can help others, so Allah may help my son.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you so so much for this. I am in a similar condition, I relate to this so much. Even the religious part I have as well, I struggle so much with that. I am glad to see he’s doing better now, and thank you for all your help.