Reflecting on the past

I'm not trying to self diagnose here I'm just reflecting on a thought (maybe this is a compulsion?) that has been driving me crazy My mind went on a loop telling me "ok what If you don't have OCD and you are just lying? It means your thoughts are true!" When in reality even if a person doesn't have OCD it doesn't automatically invalidate their intrusive thoughts or the suffering they are going through. So let's go recently I talked to my mother about my concerns on having OCD and she explained to me when I was a teen I used to do weird stuff that seem like compulsions and I remembered I used to go through and back from the doorframe a number of times until I "did it right" or when I had to have my things arranged a certain order. I had to have my clothes tucked and wear them a certain way. Even in school I had to sit a certain way and I would freak out and try to "fit" my chair until it felt right. It's herd to explain but I was also a simmetry freak? I was really bothered when I saw a light bulb inclined even slightly. How the Sewing of my clothes or even the seat of my dad's car were "not right" in a way I used to run my fingers through them just to get some relief. My actions had a certain rhythm to them. I had relief by tapping my fingers on a surface two times and stop and start again in this rhythm. So this makes me bothered I think I might tell this to the specialist next week. It still happens but as I grew up it seemed to have disappeared and changed themes. Am I making sense to you guys? Sorry for the long post.

cherries

Date posted: 1y

This does make sense to me too. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this it’s so hard! I would say it’s definitely worth telling the specialist when you go in next week.

Viny

Date posted: 1y

I'm sure will. Thanks for your reply

Overthinker14

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Yes this is quite common among OCD suffers, you are not alone.

Viny

Date posted: 1y

oh, thanks for your reply. I don't have a diagnosis but if this can help me get closer to a better treatment I'm sure going to because it bothers me so much that I have these racing thoughts and they make me feel horrible!!!! like "If I do x with one person then I am gay or it means I am in love" or "If I take a knife it means I will stab myself" it's so horrible.

Overthinker14

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Viny I feel like the condition itself is pretty self diagnosable given the uniqueness of the symptoms experienced. I experienced OCD related symptoms for over a year before receiving my official diagnosis but when I received my results I wasn’t surprised at all. And no like I’ve experienced the exact same thoughts as you. The thoughts don’t mean anything but feel real and terrifying. I’ve gone through ERP therapy and learned a tactic called RPM (response prevention methods) the technique involves acknowledging the thought yet not providing any further significance to them. For example if I have a thought about “I am holding a knife what if I stab myself?,” refrain from engaging in that thought by telling yourself “that is an interesting thought” and then moving on with your day. The more significance you give thoughts the more you unintentionally feed the OCD cycle which consumes more of your day. Other helpful rpms include “that’s an uncomfortable thought but I can cope” also “urges aren’t mandates” “feelings aren’t facts” and “thoughts are thoughts”

Viny

Date posted: 1y

@Overthinker14 - that's an interesting strategy... I'm going to try an apply it on my daily basis, and honestly yeah I'm in the same boat as you I have been experiencing these symptoms for over a year with this intensity. Although like I described in my post, I had other times in my life where it did manifest as well!

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