Am I experiencing ROCD due to past relationship trauma?

Do I have ROCD?

I’m newly married to the sweetest man to ever exist. But I have so much anxiety and what I think is ocd. My past relationship borderline cheated on me, had a terrible porn addiction, told me that he used to touch himself to my friend’s photos and imagine them while we slept together. He would compare me to strangers and friends. He used to pick me apart. Now in my healthy and loving marriage, I am filled periodically with immense fear and doubt. Example: “what if he cheats on me one day?” “What if he thinks I’m ugly” “what if he thinks about other women” “what if he feels he’s missing out” “what if he isn’t attracted to me after I have kids” “he’ll probably cheat on me, most men do” “I hope he’s not checking other people out” “is he attracted to my friends” my ex ruined me. I fear It’ll never stop.

Username: itsgonnabeokitsgonnabeok

Date posted: 28d ago

aww i’m sorry ur having these thoughts that’s so hard. i think this is easier said than done but trust in their character as a person. if he’s proved to you time and time again that he’s trustworthy and kind, and his actions followed, then you don’t need to worry. talk back to your thoughts. don’t let them run you. you’re in charge of choosing what to let run through your mind and focus on. repeat truth over those thoughts and then maybe distract yourself with doing something else that takes up mental energy so that you’re not focusing on those thoughts. trying to think through it and rationalize with ocd thoughts has personally only made things worse if i’m aware that the thoughts are ocd fueled. if u know that ur husband is a good man and has proven that to you then you don’t need to worry. pray and take these fears and anxieties to God, and don’t entertain the OCD thoughts. easier said than done but trust sister it’ll get better.

Username: arayamayadotsarayamayadots

Date posted: 28d ago

Please don't push people to God for everything. You'll eventually give someone religious ocd and make their life harder. (As someone with religious ocd who got it from going to a Catholic school)

Username: Zoë_84Zoë_84

Date posted: 28d ago

I suggest you get in touch with a therapist specialist in OCD to get a diagnosis. When you know what you are dealing with, you are able to start working on getting better.

Username: MACK!MACK!

Date posted: 26d ago

@Zoë_84 Yes I’m in the midst of doing so! Thank you!

Username: arayamayadotsarayamayadots

Date posted: 28d ago

Id recommend seeking professional help on this and opening up to your partner about it, he should support you and ask you if you want reassurance, and if resistance is the thing you want you say yes. Set up boundaries with him, ask him if he's comfortable with sharing passwords to devices and stuff, sharing location, etc. If you receive yourself as ugly you'll never be able to think someone else perceives you as pretty. What I do to get my confidence up is by taking care of myself regularly. We all have bad days and we all think we look ugly sometimes, but if you constantly shame yourself you'll never feel better. You are worth more than you know, and you deserve someone who loves you and treats you with respect. If he done something to make you feel ugly, talk to him about it. A part of my routine that makes me feel pretty is putting on mascara and or eyeliner. I usually don't put on other makeup but it makes me look really pretty when I do it. I'm not saying coat your face in makeup, but if you want to try some things I definitely think you should. I've been cheated on so many times in my life I can't even count. You'll always have a little bit of anxiety, but with someone who treats you right and makes you feel beautiful and happy and loved the anxiety fades. Sorry for any typos, I'm exhausted.

Username: MACK!MACK!

Date posted: 26d ago

@arayamayadots Thank you so much for this. I’ve communicated this with him and we’re very open about everything. He is very kind to me. He gives me reassurance when I need it and I know how much he loves me. He’s an amazing man and I don’t really have true worries about him cheating or his opinions of me. Like day to day life I don’t stress but once or twice a month, maybe every other month I’ll have a few day stretch where I just obsess over these irrational things that I know aren’t true and don’t even cross my mind most of the time. I’m currently looking for a therapist

Username: Zoë_84Zoë_84

Date posted: 26d ago

@arayamayadots Asking a partner to share his passwords and location?

Username: EvbeanieEvbeanie

Date posted: 28d ago

Definitely some relationship anxiety, but I can’t really say if it’s rocd :)

Username: _MO

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

I am in a really bad spot with my ROCD right now. I have been having terrible fears that I married the wrong person and that I don’t actually love him. One of my obsessions has been surrounding a guy friend of mine from a few years ago and wondering if I would’ve been better off married to him (we never dated, I was dating my husband then). But now I’m worried because If OCD attaches to what we love and value most, I’m concerned that I truly love that other guy - and even if I am having OCD, the fact that I’m obsessing over him/his wife and the idea I might’ve been better with him, doesn’t that mean something??? Anyone else experience this? I feel so beat down.

Relationship OCD

Username: Louise b

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

I always wonder “what if I’m not attracted to my partner” “what if I still have feelings for other people” “what if I cheated on my partner” “what if my partner cheats on me” “what If my partner annoys me and I don’t actually want to be with him” and I’ll do this so much over and over that I get so worked up I’ll criticize him, over analyze him, feel as though I don’t like him. But then an hour later after I find relief ( from telling him, looking things up, talking to my sisters about it) I’ll be in love with him but I won’t fully feel it because I’ll just be thinking about how I just felt before and how bad it was or anticipate it again for the future. So I’m constantly ruining it for myself, and it hurts so bad because he’s so perfect for me and so kind to me and everything about our relationship is right but my mind tries to convince me of other things and it feels so real.

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone relate (ROCD)

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(

Relationship OCD

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Am I experiencing ROCD due to past relationship trauma?

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