This really set me back😪

I was going through a server for ocd on Reddit and some random person who isn’t in the server started questioning groinal responses saying „if you aren’t at least a little bi you wouldn’t question being attracted to them“. And as I was explaining this further he also started to claim that if you’re scared of being a pedo then it probably makes you one bc „no normal person does that“. I know this comment was just absolute bs thrown out by a random person who doesn’t have ocd (but for some reason still knows abt intrusive thoughts) but it made me question everything again and made me feel like I might actually be all of these. I’ve been questioning liking my dog, my family members, children and other women. This is just eating me up

Lately my ocd is latching onto my children. In my opinion, for me, this is the most painful and most debilitating theme of ocd. My daughter asked me to help her wash and rinse the shampoo from her hair while she was in the shower because she has thick hair and sometimes she has trouble shampooing and rinsing it all out. A normal, common task for me. At some point I caught a glimpse of her private area and my ocd immediately tried to make me believe I looked intentionally. I know I didn’t and I know I do not think of her or any child in that way but now my ocd has me questioning myself. I was just doing what I always do so I don’t remember at what point I saw it. Was I reaching for and looking down for the shampoo when I saw it or was I reaching up to her hair and saw it as I looked up? Did I look due to just normal human tendency to look where we know we’re not supposed to and if that’s the case does that make me horrible? I’m driving myself insane trying to prove I do NOT feel or think that way about her. I don’t want to live if this is how my brain works. Ocd is evil and this is the hardest kind of intrusive thought to get past. 😩

So I watch daily videos of a mother and daughter that do make up and talk. They are so funny. The daughter is about 10-13. She always talks about her school crush in almost every video and her mom always rolls her eyes and they just make me laugh because I have a daughter that age. So I was watching their new video today and after watching their videos for so long and listening to the daughter always go on and on about this boy she likes, I simply thought to myself I wonder what this boy she has such a crush on looks like. As soon as I thought that, my ocd has me questioning myself telling me I am inappropriate for wondering that. I know I wasn’t thinking anything wrong but why does my ocd always make me feel like a bad person? Am I? I hate my brain and living. I can’t do or think anything normal without questioning it and feeling like a horrible abnormal unworthy person.