Any highschool sweethearts with rocd?

I've been with my gf since we were 15 years old. We are together for nearly 4 years and I couldn't be happier. I've always had this feeling I'd marry her, and thats only grown stronger. I am now ready to move in with her, we are just waiting for the right time financially. We are doing phenomenal as a couple, and I couldn't be more in love. I've struggled with ocd my whole life, but rocd hit me in the face a few months ago. I'm in therapy so it's LEAPS AND BOUNDS better than it was. But ever since I was around 14, I created this plan in my head that in college I would sleep around and jump from girl to girl. Because in my head, I really like that idea. And I only got into this relationship saying that we would break up when college came, she said she still wanted to be my gf and that she would wait for me. Needless to say, freshman in college now, that's changed. I stayed with her and my rocd hit. Now that I have it tamed, I'm scared that what if I want to actually jump from girl to girl? What if we last but then because I didn't jump around I'll eventually cheat? I just keep getting intense anxiety whenever I'm around a gay girl and I used to have this thing when I was younger that I could never just really like being friends with a girl. It always had to be more than that cause I'd get confused. And what's funny is I've "hooked up" with plenty of people over the phone, and I barely remember. It was fucking significant. So why am i trying to throw away a woman that I KNOW is the only woman I ever want touching me? I know it was a lengthy post but someone please help.

JP The Learner

Date posted: 39w

You've made the right move starting therapy. I was in therapy for rocd in the past and one of the biggest things for me has been learning that our thoughts are just thoughts, they are not our actions. We cannot control what thoughts pop into our had, but we can control how we show up in our lives. You are in control of your actions. Don't let your OCD control how you live your life. I hope this helps!

Nlombardo

Date posted: 38w

Absolutely did. I really appreciate this. Just one question, I'm now currently losing my mind😂 cause there's this girl I know that reminds me of my gf. But I'd never actually date her. I just feel kinda like I wanna get to know her. But I dont ever want another woman over my gf. But it's making me feel like I like this girl and it's making me really anxious in a negative way. And then my brain tries to picture me with the girl and being happy and having fun. Cause she is a fun friend! But idk why my brain is making it complicated and I can't tell if it's ocd even though I'm clearly worried about it. Any tips?

JP The Learner

Date posted: 38w

@Nlombardo I can't speak for you but I often have that thought of "how do I know this is OCD, maybe this how I actually feel", but that sort of questioning and needing to find an answer and reassurance might be making you more anxious.

Nlombardo

Date posted: 36w

@JP The Learner This absolutely happens. That's why I'm so anxious. 12 days later I'm still upset and constantly thinking that I want to jump from girl to girl before settling down. And it makes me so upset and anxious. I'm really in love with my gf and she's the one I want to move in with and marry once I have the money. I expected that kind of life for myself and then I met her and so now I'm like trying to let go of that expectation. But whenever it pops up it makes me FEEL like that's what I want. But ik deep down if I truly wanted that, I wouldn't be anxious or sad. I'd feel entitled to it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

is it rocd or just a relationship?

hey you guys i’m new to the app, i just wanted to come on here and share part of what i’ve been struggling with recently- around the beginning of 2024 i started having intrusive thoughts and they completely took over my life to the point where i began planning my suicide once i had finished out some of my commitments for that year. during that time i met this girl and we began texting and keeping in touch with each other every single day since last february. (tw suicide) unfortunately i did have to spend some time in a hospital after i attempted suicide in may of 2024 and i never really knew if this girl was into me or if she even liked girls but we kept talking up until the end of october where we finally said we liked each other. immediately i could tell smth was wrong bc i was shaking and crying and completely scared because i wanted to be very clear that i couldn’t commit to a relationship and then i disclosed to her i was in the hospital in may and i still hadn’t fully recovered from that (#stillhavent #butiwillsoitsokay😛) and i felt awful that i had responded to such an amazing moment like that andever since then i had been plagued with these constant thoughts about not liking her, being straight (which i still don’t know and fully branched out into SOOCD and i have an incredibly hard time distinguishing what is OCD and what is genuinely true about my sexuality because ive never really felt like this for a girl) and for about 4 months we went out on dates where i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i wasn’t acting like myself or i was being rude to her or i was more attracted to male passerby’s than her or i accidentally thought something about her that just felt so mean and horrible. i also convinced myself it could never work because i couldn’t picture her face and that continued for the first two months, but then i decided to call things off at the beginning of march because i just couldn’t handle debating if i actually liked her if i was gay if i was a horrible person and if i was wrong for all the things i thought every single day and currently we’re on a break because i tried to call things off and she kind of talked me out of it in a very kind and understanding way. i just hate leaving her in limbo because at the end of the day i just want her to be happy because she is an amazing incredible and sweet person and if i wasted more of her time i’d feel even more awful. kinda long lowk… if u read all this thank u and lmk what u think:)

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 7w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 6w

Long post ahead- The tie between SOOCD and ROCD

Does anybody else face both SOOCD and ROCD? I feel like it has been an ongoing cycle since January and now its July. This all started over a “should I kiss her” thought when dropping off a friend at home and ever since then, it is ongoing. My reaction used to be to cry and panic, and now its kinda mellowing out which scares me into thinking it could be real (all because my reaction is not what it used to be). I also have been facing sheer panic anytime I face something related to coming out. For instance, I seen a post on social media the other day about a women who came out after 14 years being with a man, after she rekindled a friendship with an old female friend…My head goes “so it could happen to me”. Or for instance, the other day, my grandma gave me a hoodie to give to my mom, or for me to keep for myself if it fit, and of course when she showed it to me, it had a rainbow heart and rainbow draw strings. This immediately sent me into a stomach turning panic. On the other hand, this is causing me to feel like I need to leave my boyfriend because what if I leave him in future anyway because of my sexuality. What if im saving him? This has all stopped me from feeling anything towards him and our relationship and Im scared on what that means. I know a lot of things read that it can cause a mental shut out of emotions, and a disconnect in the relationship, but it is making me feel nothing anymore and im scared that it means its time to let go. Our relationship has been nothing but perfect for 2 years. We barely argue and if we do, it is over quickly. Hes always opening my door, checking on me, taking me to do things to create memories, etc. I know that the honeymoon phase ends quickly but im having a hard time disassociating the difference between honeymoon phase is over, this is normal, or if I should leave him and because of the SOOCD thing or maybe I really am not straight. Thank you to whoever read all this. Im sorry for it being so long.

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Any highschool sweethearts with rocd?

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