ROCD-I’m scared 😩

Is this an ROCD thing? I get really annoyed and start to think ‘maybe he’s not actually nice’ because sometimes he likes to be playful with me but my ocd HATES that. There are a few things he does that trigger the hell out of me. I’ve told him what they are. But sometimes, I think he forgets. I think it’s his way of showing affection but it irritates me so much. I feel so guilty because it’s probably normal. If he hugs me too tightly, I have to say ‘you know I don’t like that, please don’t do it.’ I hate being negative like this, it hurts my heart 😟 But if I haven’t seen him in a while, and he’s missed me, he gives me a tight hug, like a squeeze. It makes me feel trapped and my ocd thinks he’s trying to ‘control’ me 🙄 I have a big thing about being listened to, because in my past relationship, I wasn’t at all. So now my ocd has taken this to the extreme. One slight thing I’m not sure about, my brain goes to ‘he shouldn’t have done that’ ‘why would he want to annoy me’ ‘a good person wouldn’t like annoying me’ ‘maybe he’s not good then.’ I don’t know how to get out of black or white thinking, or whether I am valid in not wanting certain things and maybe he’s not listening to me or respecting me? That was very hard to write, because he is respectful and listens to me 😩 when I say don’t do that, I expect to be listened to and that thing never happen again. But they are such little things, and new things come up all the time, I don’t think he can keep up. Or am I making excuses for him? I don’t know😩 it’s like I need someone to tell me if what he’s doing is normal or not. If I’m stressed, sometimes he’ll jokingly pat me on the head, but I hate that, it just makes me more annoyed. Sometimes he hugs me too tightly and I feel resistance when I try and let go. That one makes me feel controlled, but really, it might be he just really misses me. I’m so scared I’m ignoring signs or red flags. I know in my mind I’m not, but I have to be listened to end of, otherwise I can’t relax. (Comments that say ‘that’s not good’ or something like that will just REALLY trigger me , thanks 🙏🏻)

deweydecimal

Date posted: 44w

This is extremely relatable. My partner is a genuinely good person and isn't great at remembering things, and I don't make it easy for them - I'm always adding new things to the list that upset me. So when they inevitably forget one of those things and do it out of affection or habit, my OCD will turn it into a huge deal and I'll start spiraling into obsessive thoughts of "it's like they don't even know anything about me" "if they actually cared about me they'd remember" "they must be doing it intentionally" and it goes deeper and deeper until I've convinced myself they're actually a terrible person and don't love me and are trying to hurt me. But the truth is my OCD is attacking them because I love them, because we're in a healthy relationship, and because I have a history of relationship trauma. My brain is terrified that history is repeating itself and it will take any opportunity to obsess and analyze things to death so that it can convince me to remove myself from the POTENTIAL of harm. Aka remove myself from the relationship. But that's the thing that would ACTUALLY be harmful because my partner loves me and is kind and caring and so patient with me. They're just forgetful - and human, and humans make mistakes. I can't speak on your relationship because I'm not in it, and I don't know you or your partner, but this is how my ROCD flares up and it sounds very similar. So I hope this helps.

meglucy

Date posted: 44w

@deweydecimal Thank you this is really helpful 🙏🏻 sometimes I think he is trying to annoy me on purpose, which hurts me because I know he wouldn’t do that :( I’m so scared I’m ignoring possible red flags, which sounds ridiculous as he is great

kittea

Date posted: 25w

ROCD spiral — seeking advice

in an ROCD spiral these past few days. i have a very sweet boyfriend who i love very much but i’m so scared my OCD is gonna drive him away. i get really freaked out when he doesn’t say certain things back every time like “i love you” or “goodnight” etc and also as of late he makes jokes about like fictional women being hot and we’ve had convos about like are we not allowed to also appreciate someone else’s attractiveness without reading into it (we’ve both expressed we are monogamous—i’m also demisexual so wondering if my brain just doesn’t think the same way his does) or like he made a joke about how it would be hot to see me kissing another girl (i’m bi) and i think yeah in a perfect world where i don’t have OCD i get the logic behind not reading into these things but every time he makes these jokes or we have these convos it sends my OCD into a major spiral like. if he really loved me and only me why would he even say these things? he is just very blunt and logical and straightforward and sometimes he’s really good at gently challenging my OCD and for him he doesn’t think these things seriously like ik he would never ever cheat on me (we have had discussions about our thoughts on cheating before). but like comments that he makes like this i am sure have no meaning to him other than just jokes or pointing stuff out but my OCD spirals every time he makes them. i’m really scared of ruining this relationship because i feel like i can’t just be the chill girlfriend who doesn’t read into this stuff. please help i’m spiraling and can’t even focus on work ): and it sucks because he really otherwise shows me how much he loves me in many ways and it’s just this thing that i can’t figure out and i keep feeling like having these convos with him will drive him away. or like telling him i don’t want him to make those jokes around me will make him feel like he is walking on eggshells around me and can’t be himself and that will eventually end the relationship which i don’t want. i just want my brain to stop panicking and reading into every single thing but my brain won’t understand what is normal or okay until someone tells me it is. i’m gonna go back to therapy soon but in the interim just wanted to come here. thanks in advance for any words or insight anyone can offer ❤️

Relationship OCD

ellij

Date posted: 16w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

hodgyb

Date posted: 8w

New to ROCD (thoughts, advice?)

I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!

Relationship OCD

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