- Date posted
- 41w
ROCD-I’m scared 😩
Is this an ROCD thing? I get really annoyed and start to think ‘maybe he’s not actually nice’ because sometimes he likes to be playful with me but my ocd HATES that. There are a few things he does that trigger the hell out of me. I’ve told him what they are. But sometimes, I think he forgets. I think it’s his way of showing affection but it irritates me so much. I feel so guilty because it’s probably normal. If he hugs me too tightly, I have to say ‘you know I don’t like that, please don’t do it.’ I hate being negative like this, it hurts my heart 😟 But if I haven’t seen him in a while, and he’s missed me, he gives me a tight hug, like a squeeze. It makes me feel trapped and my ocd thinks he’s trying to ‘control’ me 🙄 I have a big thing about being listened to, because in my past relationship, I wasn’t at all. So now my ocd has taken this to the extreme. One slight thing I’m not sure about, my brain goes to ‘he shouldn’t have done that’ ‘why would he want to annoy me’ ‘a good person wouldn’t like annoying me’ ‘maybe he’s not good then.’ I don’t know how to get out of black or white thinking, or whether I am valid in not wanting certain things and maybe he’s not listening to me or respecting me? That was very hard to write, because he is respectful and listens to me 😩 when I say don’t do that, I expect to be listened to and that thing never happen again. But they are such little things, and new things come up all the time, I don’t think he can keep up. Or am I making excuses for him? I don’t know😩 it’s like I need someone to tell me if what he’s doing is normal or not. If I’m stressed, sometimes he’ll jokingly pat me on the head, but I hate that, it just makes me more annoyed. Sometimes he hugs me too tightly and I feel resistance when I try and let go. That one makes me feel controlled, but really, it might be he just really misses me. I’m so scared I’m ignoring signs or red flags. I know in my mind I’m not, but I have to be listened to end of, otherwise I can’t relax. (Comments that say ‘that’s not good’ or something like that will just REALLY trigger me , thanks 🙏🏻)