fear of being paraphilic

does anyone else feel this dread?! i don't have a diagnosis, and with each passing day it seems like the symptoms get stronger and stronger. It seems SO real, the sensations, the thoughts, the "urges"..i don't know if i have compulsions. something tells me that i only suffer because i don't accept this. but these thoughts sadden and distress me, that's a fact. i've seen some documentaries about anti-contact p3d0s, or p3d0s who are abusers..i "identify" with these symptoms only on "impulse", like, when i feel like committing acts, but i clearly don't do them because they make me very scared and terrified. and the "desire", because i really it seems like i want this.. this makes me want to die.

Callista Moore

Date posted: 35w

I feel the same dread. I’ve been through bouts of pocd multiple times and what always got me through was accepting the possibility but knowing I would never do anything and knowing I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Now it seems my pocd and harm ocd kinda morphed into one because I now experience the urges and false desire as well and feel like I have no ground to stand on. You’re not alone. Maybe we’re really messed up together or our OCD is really hitting hard.

Ishtar._

Date posted: 35w

thank you very much for answering my post! this is terrible, i think it's even worse than death... living with a mind that condemns you and subjects you to horrible things. i feel terrified..

lissamls

Date posted: 35w

i'm also very afraid of this, you described everything I feel but I'm sure I'm not paraphilic because i have a friend who has paraphilia and is undergoing treatment, she doesn't feel afraid, she just feels sad but she is sure that she likes what she feels! não sei se deveria falar em inglês, mas pessoas parafilicas tem certeza do q sentem e não tem esse medo ou incerteza :)

Ishtar._

Date posted: 35w

às vezes eu me sinto assim, também.. tendo "certeza", mas isso NUNCA me acometeu antes de um trauma que eu tive num site. eu só tinha pensamentos intrusivos que conseguia controlar, e não todo esse pânico.. eu tenho pavor disso, porque é perverso e mau. tipo, não sei te explicar..posso dizer que é algo que, se eu pudesse, não queria ter. queria voltar no meu passado para nunca ter entrado naquele site e viver mh vida normalmente, como eu vivia antes.. eu me sinto horrível.

Ishtar._

Date posted: 35w

às vezes também tenho memórias de que sempre vivi com isso, mas eu sei que é mentira. que essa "sensação" e sentimentos sempre me perseguiram.

Ishtar._

Date posted: 35w

@Ishtar._ tem o TOC de memórias falsas, algo assim..acho que pode ser isso. isso é bizarro, aterrorizante, me enche de medo e pavor.. eu não quero ter esses pensamentos, eu quero voltar com mh atração normal.

lissamls

Date posted: 35w

@Ishtar._ eu também as vezes tenho essa certeza de q sou parafilica, mas nenhuma de nós somos! isso é um medo irracional, nossa mente faz de tudo para tentar convencer mas vc sabe q no fundo ela está errada, se vc realmente fosse parafilica vc teria fantasias com esses pensamentos sem ficar assustada mas poderia se sentir culpada, eu também vi alguns vídeos sobre pedos anti contato mas percebam q eles não tem medo apenas vergonha e tristeza por não poder realizar seus desejos. desculpa não sou muito boa para explicar mas espero q vc fique bem, eu também passo pela mesma coisa

lissamls

Date posted: 35w

@Ishtar._ atração é a pior coisa, eu também tenho muito medo de ficar com minha sobrinha pq parece q eu me sinto atraída por ela mas isso me dá muito nojo e pavor, é um sentimento horrível :(

Ishtar._

Date posted: 35w

@lissamls isso, exatamente! me dá horror de ser (ou ter me tornado) uma pessoa tão cruel assim..tipo, não tem nem sentindo..eu não vejo atração no corpo de uma crianças, por mais que meus pensamentos insistem que sim, que eu gosto do 4bus0 (☠️)..tipo?!?! eu gosto de mulheres mais velhas, sempre gostei..agora parece que tá tudo fudido..que nojo.

lissamls

Date posted: 35w

@Ishtar._ eu fico tão desesperada com isso q quando tô no ttk e aparece uma criança principalmente menina eu já pulo, eu tento ao máximo não olhar, as vezes me pergunto se fiz algo para merecer isso. queria arrancar minha cabeça para nunca mais pensar em nada

lemon tears

Date posted: 24w

Anyone suffer from kink related sexual ocd?

(25f have always felt I was hetero) I feel like my experience is uncommon and it makes me feel like the world is crashing down. I used to privately act on a kink that’s extremely uncommon, an involuntary thing people do everyday. It was a kink that was NEVER in the real world. I’d act on it every now and then through erotica or when I was younger, videos…then at some point grew an awareness that this was weird and only stuck to erotica. When people did this involuntary act irl I would be grosses out, annoyed, feel nothing or would have this little thought in the background that “ew germs”. Especially my parents I was often annoyed when they did it. For the past 8 months I’ve continuously have feared what my sexual feelings are towards family, friends and children when they do this act that I used to have a kink towards. I had the thought “well I don’t think I really want this kink in this new relationship” then I thought “wait…am I acknowledging this is a real thing for me? If so what does that say about this kink happening in the real world? Are you attracted to anyone doing the act? What about children? Or mom?!” Especially my mom, I fear what I will feel if she does this involuntary act and that I may at some point give in and feel inappropriate feelings towards her/pleasure myself to her doing the act. It’s so bad that I will mentally create scenarios of her and others doing the kink in the exact sexual ways that turned me on to see if it will arouse me. I worry that being annoyed towards my parents, especially my mom doing this act in the past was because I was in denial and was masking that it actually turned me on. You can’t ever fully get rid of kinks and although I don’t act on this one anymore…I worry and fear that bc I haven’t acted on it, it’s attaching to family, friends and even children in the way of fantasies and that the only reason I feel despair, shame, guilt, disgust and fear is only because of what others would think of me. Not what I actually think. In the beginning I was so filled with disgust, guilt, shame and fear that I ran away from home then admitted myself to a psych ward last summer hoping it would help (plot twist, didn’t.) I’m suicidal, I cry multiple times a day. Every thought I have I don’t trust and worry what they actually mean. Every thought of any kind. My mom and I used to be so so so close. She was my best friend and I avoid her a lot now because I fear I have a sexual disorder and am uncontrollably attracted to her. I miss her much I’m crying while typing this. My mom has only done the involuntary act around me a few times in the past 8 months and each time the arousal was so strong I felt like I was dissociating with how horrible my life has become. The worst part is…the arousal itself feels really good compared to the arousal I get around my bf…except with him I don’t feel extreme anxiety and despair when I’m aroused. I have so many other thoughts too and it makes it so hard to be in the moment and enjoy my bf, family and friends. I feel like a monster…

HOY

Date posted: 22w

What is happening to me (Warning)

I fear I may have POCD, I am terrified of being a pedophile. my symptoms were initially strong surges of anxiety. I made the mistake of looking up what pedophilia is about and now I fear I am one. I have a bad masturbation problem and that didnt help, as now I feel a weird feeling down below and its distressing me. I'm only 20, this never happened to me before and now I only feel confusion and doubt, Ive cried like never before cause of this.

HOY

Date posted: 22w

I cannot tell whether I have POCD

I have been suffering this for about 3 weeks now and its absolutely unbearable, I want to state more explicit details about this but I dont want to distress others, all I can say is I am experiencing this weird feeling in my groin and an urge to masturbate and its horrifying me. I already am diagnosed with anxiety but it pales in comparison with what is happening with me. I had no interest in children at all before this but now I am experiencing doubt and uncertainty. I have already cried 5 times today, this is the most awful thing I have ever experienced. I am only 20 years old and its both physically, and emotionally destroying me

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fear of being paraphilic

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