Struggling mama losing hope

I’ve been dealing with a really bad flare up the last 2 weeks and i’ve been dealing with ocd on and off for years. I was finally feeling better today, So of course my ocd decided to bring up an old intrusive thought that was really upsetting and now i’m stuck on it again. The reason why I struggle so much to conquer my ocd is because I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd targets my kids, the ones that mean everything to me. The intrusive thoughts range from mild to really disturbing. While I know deep down the intrusive thoughts aren’t true or me, the ocd makes it feel SO real and true which makes me feel like I HAVE to disprove the thoughts and with confidence but the ocd won’t let me. It also makes me question analyze and judge everything I do. It’s an endless cycle of pain and I just want to be a mom without ocd telling me i’m a horrible person all day every day. 😪

Username: berinthoughtsberinthoughts

Date posted: 2d ago

OCD often targets the things and people we care about the most. It’s one of the reasons why it’s such a hard illness. While I don’t have any kids of my own, mine often targets the students I work with at school and it can be really hard sometimes. I hope you take care of yourself and start to feel back on track soon.

Username: randomizedrandomized

Date posted: 2d ago

I cannot relate, as I am not a parent. However, I did go through a similar theme when I was a caregiver and it was incredibly distressing and exhausting and painful. I have no idea what it's like to go through that as a parent. Parenting without OCD is so difficult already! Sending you strength and care. Would it be helpful to you if I share strategies I have found helpful? Totally understand if not. All the best wishes.

Username: hopefulxmesshopefulxmess

Date posted: 2d ago

@randomized Yes thank you

Username: randomizedrandomized

Date posted: 2d ago

@hopefulxmess When my OCD symptoms are feeling prohibitive, i.e. I'm feeling unable to do my usual tasks and am having intense feelings or distress, I like to ask myself: - what does this distress feel like? where is the experience happening in my body? how can I describe it in words? - what compulsions am I wanting to carry out? - how am I going to spend the next hour, based on my values? I like to write down my answers to these questions in a journal. It is hard to be present that way in intense moments, but worth it in the long run. It is a practice in curiosity, and the more I practice the easier it gets. It also puts pause between emotion/thought and reaction/compulsion. Replacement behavior examples (these are things that bring me comfort): - drawing exercises - one or two episodes of a comfort show - listening to an album - one or two journal setup videos on youtube, I find organizational related stuff relaxing - etc. I hope some of this is helpful🌻

Username: Hopeful58Hopeful58

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d ago

Because you love your kids so much, OCD targets that. OCD does not even know the subject. It just knows distress happens from doubts stirred up. So OCD creates more doubt, causing distress, resulting in compulsions to bring relief…. and so on. OCD feeds off compulsion/reaction… that is the goal. Hang in there. It is exhausting! Hug your kids and be present with them. Love never fails!

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 2d ago

It sounds like you know logically that these symptoms are from OCD. By letting the anxiety and intrusive thoughts pass and going about your day you are essentially disproving the OCD false alarm. You don’t have to prove anything, by fighting with OCD you only give it a reason to send more thoughts.

Username: JV24JV24

Date posted: 2d ago

If it’s of any help to you just know you are not alone. I’m a dad of two amazing kids that’s currently dealing with a flare up. My mind constantly replays thoughts that I’ve had making me think I have to address them to figure it out. The past couple days I’ve been treating OCD like the monster it is. When I have the unwanted thoughts I actually say “F*** you OCD. If this is how you want to play me today ok. Bring it on.” I will tell you the past couple days the anxiety has really let up. Catch yourself in the rumination and say F*** you! I catch my rumination before I get too deep in thought. It’s tough but for the first time in my 25 years of dealing with unwanted thoughts it’s been helping. I hope my words can bring you some Peace. Stay strong!

Username: Kasey2001

Date posted: 2y ago

I have severe OCD and I experience all different types of intrusive thoughts and compulsions I fucking hate it! But one thing I struggle with the most is POCD! It makes me violently sick and disturbed but I know it’s not me and I know it’s not true but then why do I feel so disgusting? I have two children, one 5 and the other is 1, I don’t want to change my daughters nappys I don’t want to get her dressed (of course I do because I don’t have a choice) but it triggers me so bad and gets me in a state, I don’t know how to get over this I’ve had this certain thought for over six weeks and I can’t do it anymore, I’m so distressed they deserve better, why can’t I just be a normal person, I’ve actually thought about giving them up over these thoughts it’s breaking me and it’s breaking my heart, I actually can’t try beat this anymore.

Username: hopefulxmess

Date posted: 17d ago

Mama in distress😪

My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldn’t care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I don’t ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know it’s the ocd causing it and not me i’d still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocd😪 I don’t see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.

Username: hopefulxmess

Date posted: 4d ago

Moms/dads with pocd pls respond struggling mama

Every day my ocd makes sure there’s a new reason for me to stay trapped in my mind rather than being the mom I want to be that my kids need. Instead i’m stuck in my head depressed and pushing them away. The other day I was braiding my daughter’s hair like I always do and her hair is really long so when I get to the end of the braid I can see her butt in my peripheral vision and I looked down and I immediately got upset asking myself why did I look down?(the ocd has made me question everything I do now). I know it’s just because I was at the end of the braid and I just looked because I was already looking in that direction. A normal person wouldn’t even think twice about it. There was no inappropriate reason behind it at all but of course my ocd latched onto the situation and said I looked down because I wanted to look at her butt. I was so upset and said to myself “I don’t understand how the ocd started an intrusive thought because she was wearing baggy pants. I could understand if she had on tight pants and her butt was more noticeable” and the only reason I said that is because usually the only time my ocd starts intrusive thoughts telling me i’m looking at my daughter in a wrong way is when she has on leggings or a crop top or bathing suit ect. Now my ocd twisted what I said to mean that I like looking at her in tight pants. Nooo! That’s not what I meant but now the ocd won’t stop trying to make me believe that. I don’t ever look at my children in any inappropriate way. I hate this. I hate ocd and I can’t live like this anymore.

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Struggling mama losing hope

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