triggerd :( rocd

this summer i told my nail tech about my thoughts (i didnt know about rocd back then) she triggered me real bad telling me that maybe i dont love him anymore and i dint want to accept it beacuse i dont want to hurt him, that made a big impact on me. Today i did my nails and she asked me about my problem, i was very triggered, she asked me if i had something that i dont like about him, i told her that is a mental disorder that many people have but luckily she kinda understood and i left because i was done. It really triggered me, i dont know how to feel and what i feel. Today was my first time saying maybe i do maybe i dont to my thoughts, i dont know if it did something, i feel like a liar. I am affraid this is my truth. My mother tells me to pray, i am catholic, i pray every night but im just very scared. As im writing this i dont know what i feel. What do you suggest ?:(

I’m Batman

Date posted: 40w

Yeah its tough when you tell someone about OCD that does not really know about OCD. Before I accepted I had OCD and started to learn about it...I thought OCD was just what you see on TV. Hand washing and counting or something. Its so much more. Your Nail tech is looking at this from a logical stand point. Issue is OCD does not believe in Logic. The nail tech probably thinks your issue is with your partner. When really your issue is probably more about the Fear of the doubt and uncertainty. No one can 100% know if anyone is "the one" because "the one" I think is just a made up Fairy tail. OCD though hates uncertainty. It wants you to be 100% sure and will make you feel like doodoo until you find that certainty. There lays the fools task though because you can never find 100% certainty and just get stuck feeding ocd. I typically deal with it like this. Thought comes in and I acknowledge it and don't engage with OCD in the way it wants me to. I acknowledge it and I live with the anxiety of the uncertainty and don't do the compulsion. Example: Intrusive thought comes in. Do they really love me enough? My Acknowledgement: Cool brain, thanks! Maybe they do maybe they don't but I am going back this video game I was playing before you popped up. OCD: well maybe you should go get reassurance and ask your wife no less than 60 different ways if she loves you enough over the next 8 hours? Me: Yeah nah, gonna play this video game right now cause its what I want to do. I will live with the uncertainty of not knowing. OCD: Uncertainty is unacceptable. How about you go on reddit and post looking for reassurance? Me: nahh I'm really good with not knowing and just going to keep living my live my way. OCD: what about that anxiety you feel right now? Me: Yeah it sucks but I can handle it. Plus this is a really good video game. OCD: RAWR do a compulsion!?!?! Me: yeah, go FK yourself. After a while I can just acknowledge the thought, I skip strait to the go FK yourself OCD and go about my business :) Now this sounds easy but its not. It took me time and work to get to this point. And I still have bad days where I slip and might give in. But I just keep working at it. As much as OCD wants us to be, no one is perfect. Anytime I get a win over OCD no matter how small I acknowledge that victory. It all adds up. Good luck in your journey I wish you well!

Mariabae

Date posted: 40w

@I’m Batman its so hard, it feels very real sometimes and i think i dont actually love him since in so emotionless :( thank you for taking your time and replying to me

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

going to therapy made it worse

I talked to my therapist about the emotional disconnection I feel in my relationship — how I often feel nothing when I’m with my boyfriend, how I feel irritated or even disgusted during intimate moments, and how all of this creates constant fear and sadness in me. I told her that I want to love him, that I used to feel more, and that I believe my thoughts and reactions are part of something deeper — like ROCD — not necessarily the truth. But she said something like, “It doesn’t make sense that you want to love him but don’t feel love,” and suggested that I might just be lying to myself and need to “accept the truth.” That crushed me. I kept explaining that these thoughts feel obsessive, that they don’t align with my values or how I see myself — that they’ve taken away my ability to feel joy or peace. And yet, I left with this terrible fear that maybe she’s right, that maybe I’m just in denial. She even told me that I have two choices: accept that I don’t love him and stay while lying to myself, or leave. And that… that made me feel like she was confirming my worst fear — not helping me explore it safely. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lie to myself. I just want clarity, and peace, and the ability to feel again. I also didn’t tell my boyfriend about the session, because he’s skeptical of therapy — he thinks therapists just want money, and that I have to “help myself” if I want to feel better. I kind of get where he’s coming from, but it still makes me feel a little alone in this. I guess I’m posting here just to say… I feel really lost right now. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is ROCD or just the truth I’m too scared to accept

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

i would apreciate a response:( rocd

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling for a long time with what I believe is ROCD. I constantly have doubts about my feelings toward my boyfriend. I feel numb, disconnected, unsure if I ever truly loved him, and sometimes I fear that I’m just pretending or lying to myself. I don’t feel happy when I think of him, I don’t miss him, and when I imagine doing things together, I feel nothing. And that terrifies me. But what hurts me even more right now is that my psychologist told me she doesn’t think I have OCD. She said I just believe it’s wrong not to like my boyfriend, and that’s why I’m stuck — because I can’t accept that I don’t like him. This only made my fears worse. Now I keep thinking: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m writing all this because I want it to be ROCD so I can feel better about not loving him?” But deep down, I’m suffering. I feel trapped in a fog of anxiety and detachment. I’ve had obsessive thoughts since I was little — especially intrusive ones, like inappropriate words or thoughts that made me feel really guilty. I would even tell my mom about them. So now I’m wondering… was this OCD all along? Why does it feel like my pain is invisible? And the worst part is… he loves me so much. He shows it in so many ways. He truly cares. But I don’t feel connected to him. I look at him and I feel nothing. Sometimes I feel like I’m acting — like I’m just going through the motions. And that makes me feel like the worst person in the world. I feel like no one else has ROCD like mine. That maybe I’m the exception. That maybe I’m not really struggling with OCD — maybe I’m just lying to myself. But I don’t want to lie. I want peace. I want to feel love again. I want to feel like myself again. If anyone has gone through this, or has felt the same after being dismissed by a therapist, please let me know. I feel so scared and alone. Thank you for reading.

Mariabae

Date posted: 20w

i feel so strange

hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest

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