Idk if I can do this anymore

It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: hanysm@gmail.comhanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 4d ago

You are not gay and the proof is that the idea freak you out. It is your OCD brain generating those thoughts.

Username: amourettaamouretta

Date posted: 4d ago

I’m not sure why it happens but just know your not alone I’ve been dealing with this as well hopefully we can find a way out.

Username: allyocdallyocd

Date posted: 4d ago

Thank you. So so hard

Username: OCD_1day@aTime ✨OCD_1day@aTi...

Date posted: 4d ago

I experienced the same thing when I was going through this theme. It felt like I was in denial and one day I would just come to realize I was bisexual and would want to be with a woman. I would avoid everything that triggered me cause I couldn’t stand the intrusive thoughts. The best thing you can do is not engage with the thoughts, assign meaning to them, or try to figure them out. This will pull you deeper into the OCD cycle. When a thought comes up either don’t react or reply with a non-engagement response such as “maybe, maybe not” “Okay” “I hear you” “Thanks”, etc. Recovery is possible, you’re not alone, and with hard work and determination you can get through this. 😊

Username: allyocdallyocd

Date posted: 4d ago

How do you not engage when it’s constantly there ??? Thank you for your response 🫶🏻

Username: OCD_1day@aTime ✨OCD_1day@aTi...

Date posted: 4d ago

@allyocd Just keep going about your day despite the thoughts being there. It will take a while for the thoughts to calm down but with time and practice it will get better. 🩷

Username: allyocdallyocd

Date posted: 4d ago

@OCD_1day@aTime ✨ - I appreciate you, I’m trying but it’s seems to get harder. It’s nice to know when you’re not the only one 🫶🏻

Username: VillandiVillandi

Date posted: 3d ago

Omg I do the checking thing too, checking if everyone I see is attractive or not and feeling like I'm lying when I say yes that man is attractive. There are times when I won't check and immediately go oh yay, I didn't check to see if that guy was attractive! And then my brain will say oh no, what if it's because you don't think he's attractive which enforces your fear that you're a raging lesbian?!? Its so tiring 😭😭

Username: allyocdallyocd

Date posted: 3d ago

it really is. i am really getting to the point where idk how much longer i can live like this. i just want to be me again, and then my brain says that the old me was just supressing these feelings.

Username: VillandiVillandi

Date posted: 2d ago

@allyocd It's so painful. I'm having a particularly bad today and the guilt, shame, and anxiety is so intense I feel like crying. I have an adoring fiance who I love dearly and I feel like I'm lying to myself and him. I hate it. It makes me feel paralyzed and like I need to flee from my loving relationship and tear apart my whole life. The only reason I still hang onto hope is because I've beaten this in the past. I really hope the best for you, I know how you feel :(

Username: allyocdallyocd

Date posted: 2d ago

@Villandi - wait same here. im getting married in 4 months. i keep thinking the same thing as you. i really hope this ends soon. i cant keep doing this. all the little things are being taken away because i feel like i am not being true to myself but i am. it is so annoying

Username: SarahLynn

Date posted: 5y ago

Beyond the what ifs - Does anyone else feel like their OCD tells them they have to be gay... I don’t want to be with a woman but it feels like I have to be gay. I’m trying to tell myself it’s OCD and that it’s a lie...but what if it isn’t? What if I’m lying to myself that I don’t want to be with a woman but I actually do?

Username: idont241

Date posted: 5y ago

I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Clementine

Date posted: 3y ago

Please someone help me. I feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I don’t have ocd. It’s too real. The intrusive thoughts aren’t as frequent, I don’t have anxiety or do compulsions. I’m not even against the thoughts anymore. I can’t explain how real it feels. It can’t be ocd and the thing is I just don’t want to like girls. That’s it. I just don’t want to. But that sounds like I’m resisting my sexuality and it feels like this too. I’m sorry to everyone on this app but I don’t think I’m like u anymore. If things like internalised homophobia and comphet didn’t exist then I’d know I was straight but they do so now I think I’m just that. I don’t want to marry a girl or have sex with one or anything. I want to be straight and just fucking live my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had a crush on a boy for years even though my ‘ocd’ started in the summer. I’ve had loads of male celebrity crushes that I’ve felt like I’ve loved and I don’t understand how those could’ve been fake but they must have been. Compulsions don’t comfort me I just watch tv to distract myself and that’s it. I can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t want to like girls but I have to be either bi or lesbian. Please I just want to be straight I don’t get it.

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Idk if I can do this anymore

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