exposure - POCD (help, please)

hello, guys! since may of last year, i have been facing intrusive thoughts that have been punishments from hell in my life. i have been in therapy since september, and my therapist says she sees a lot of OCD in me. i have actually been suffering from this type of intrusive thinking, since 2021, involving children, and before i did the exposure without even knowing anything about OCD or related issues, because for me, they were intrusive thoughts and nothing more than that. the problem was that in may of last year, i think i actually had a trauma, and i started to feel groin sensations..i don't remember if i felt them before, i assume not. these feelings and this tightness in my chest is what drives me crazy about this! i read so much about POCD and pedophilic disorder, many of the things, i know..the ones i don't know, i try not to know, because my mind would not tolerate one more coincidence. i will not be a hypocrite, i know that what i'm going through sounds a lot like OCD (although i don't have a diagnosis), but i'm afraid it's not. most of my thoughts are in the third person, i think because of the traumas i've had, and that bothers me a lot, because it seems like a fantasy or something that i desire. i'd rather be burned to death than hurt anyone, especially children or teenagers who are easily influenced. i have my morals, my empiricism and i will never exchange that for this primitive "will" inside me, i don't want it! the fact is: a few months ago, i went to a barbecue, and there was a little baby and a little child, i played with them, they hugged me and had a lot of physical contact. i was careful with my hands and my body, but the problem was the groin sensations! i am a woman, so i was very afraid of being lubricated or that feeling being really pleasurable..i was always in agony, and at times i avoided contact. i went to the bathroom and saw that i had actually stayed, and it left me devastated. what i do now?! do i commit suicide?! i check myself into a hospital ?! i know that anxiety may have contributed to this factor, but i could never bear to live with this for the rest of my life. i have avoided contact with children ever since, even looking at them is uncomfortable for me.

misereri

Date posted: 29w

Im struggling with the same thing, i have this sensation in my private area when i think of these scenarios and things and it makes me feel bad like i dont esnt this. Does it get better? How did u handle it?

Ishtar._

Date posted: 29w

hello! lately i've been going through weeks of apathy and tiredness..the scenarios have decreased, but the doubt and lack of pleasure (with adults) is still here. i really don't know what to do anymore..i'm just living. one piece of advice that i always give is: seek therapy from a qualified professional! only. :)

246Rwqa12@

Date posted: 32w

Hey! It’s all in your head, you know that’s not you! Someone not in their right mind would have already committed one of those acts because they don’t “think” about it before they do it, they just do it! You are NOT one of those people! You having these thoughts proves my point! You have nothing to worry about, you are so strong, you got this. Just breathe, it gets better! Trust me😊

Ishtar._

Date posted: 32w

thank you very much for the comfort! 🫂

nae nae

Date posted: 32w

The only way out is through. I saw someone else on here say this. Avoiding triggers can be a compulsion, and it'll only feed into the OCD. I know it's scary, but you just have to try the best you can to live life the way you would've before all of this began. Don't let it convince you that this is the end. Life isn't over... In fact, it's only just beginning. It can feel like it's too late, but it's not. I promise. I'm always here if you need to talk. 🫂

Ishtar._

Date posted: 32w

it's so uncomfortable and bizarre..💔 i'm here too if you need me, dear..🫂

Legends123.

Date posted: 23w

Please help

Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

happygirl15

Date posted: 10w

POCD/ Intrusive thoughts & Images

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

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exposure - POCD (help, please)

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