im posting again:(

in actually scared i dont care about my partner as im supposed to and that i dont like him, i have dificulties with sexual stuff, and im scared i dont like him and that i am lying to myself, im scared. He is a very nice and caring and beautiful man, i love him (or i think i dont lnow) he dosent deserve this , i talked to him about this he knows about my thoughts, some days ago he calmed me down and used some logoc on me and i was good and now im questioning everything i feel bad for posting here i feel like im lying to him and im scared my thoughts are real

whos4ddyy

Date posted: 31w

i struggle with thoughts like this too but it really does sound like you like him a lot and sometimes struggling with sexual stuff isn’t really about the person, but underlying thoughts like you aren’t ready for things to go further or maybe you subconsciously feel guilty about rethinking things with him or maybe you just don’t like that stuff and thats okay too, it doesn’t mean you don’t love him. in reality though, its most likely your anxious thoughts taking over and trying to control you, if you aren’t constantly thinking that you don’t like him or thinking he’s disgusting yk then you should be good. by what you said about him i honestly believe that you like being in his presence and want what’s best for him and i think he wants you through and through too. just remember that you can’t control your thoughts and they don’t make you unworthy of being loved or mean he doesn’t deserve being treated like this because it’s out of your control and you aren’t doing it on purpose, if he really loves you he will stick through and it sounds like he does. so i know this is cliche and doesn’t really work, but try to relax, you have nothing to worry about. it’s good you’re open with him so he can reassure you too. i’m sure he can tell you like him.

whos4ddyy

Date posted: 31w

@whos4ddyy i just realized i said something that could trigger your anxiety/ocd again, scratch the part i said about constantly thinking about it or whatever because i understand that you can’t control your thoughts, and that may be misleading and cause you to think more about it, so i revise it to, you will know the difference. if you really fell out of love with him, it will feel different than just questioning it. and enjoy your time with him, because it really does sound like he loves you.

Mariabae

Date posted: 31w

@whos4ddyy thank you, yes it did trigger me a little because sometimes they feel like they are constant gut i had momrnt of clarity, even days of feeling good, i just have this strange feeling in my chest amd in me and this fear . its hard but i guess i need to ignore it, he loves me and he is here for me, i have this problem from over a year, that is why it hurts so much. im just scared of it being true bc sometimes it feels true and i panic bc i dont want for jt to be real, im in a loop.

Mariabae

Date posted: 31w

@whos4ddyy i sometimes also feel like o dont like spending time with him and i feel like im preteding and i domt like this and i got iritated easy and annoyed by him from stupid things i feel so bad :((((((

whos4ddyy

Date posted: 31w

@Mariabae it’s okay to not want to spend time with him sometimes and can be confused for not wanting to see him at all. and getting irritated might just be you overwhelmed. everyone gets irritated sometimes!!

Mariabae

Date posted: 31w

@whos4ddyy i just want to feel normal and feel happy , when thinking about my moments of clarity i start to think im preteding

whos4ddyy

Date posted: 31w

@Mariabae you are definitely still a normal person! and yeah, I understand how that can be hard to deal with all the time. if you really don’t feel happy, consider this- is it because of him? or is it because of your anxious thoughts that you might not actually like him? one thing to keep in mind is that you should never let your anxious thoughts run your life. you are not your anxious thoughts.

Mariabae

Date posted: 31w

@whos4ddyy i dont feel happy because of my thoughts, my boyfriend does nothing wrong, im just scared:(

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

please read please

I am so tired of this. I feel ashamed of myself. I waited until it was late to post this because I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend is at my house right now. We saw each other today—he brought me a bouquet of flowers, we went out, and then came back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking that he was annoying me or that I couldn’t stand him, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt irritated and distant the entire time. And when we got home, it got even worse. We ended up arguing because of how distant I was, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that I don’t love him, that I don’t like him, that I’m a liar, and that I’m just pretending when I’m with him. I kept thinking that I’m only with him because I’m used to him and that I just don’t want to accept the truth that I don’t love him. When he hugged me, I couldn’t be present. When we kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. He kissed me, and I couldn’t even focus or try to connect with what was happening—I just wanted to cry. I feel like a liar who refuses to accept the truth. I started going to therapy, but I’ve only had one session. My psychologist told me to write in a journal, to reflect on what role fear plays in my life and why I feel so unsettled. I wrote, “The possibility that my thoughts might be true.” But now I just think I’m lying—to myself, to my boyfriend, even to my psychologist—because I want to believe I love him, but my mind tells me I don’t feel anything. I couldn’t even sit comfortably with him, I couldn’t enjoy being in his arms—I just felt sad. I’m so scared that this is real. It feels real. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m lying to everyone. Like I’m in denial. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 22w

please respond my question

from Saturday, i didnt talk to chat gbt, didnt post here out of desperation and didnt even cry . but, ofc, i still have thoughts and a strange feeling in my chest but im too over this and tired to respond . But what if i will stop the compulsions and responding to them, ignoring them, but i will still feel bad and realise my thoughts are real and im lying to myself and him. he told me to tell him when a though pops out so he can talk me through it bc he wants to help me and he is sad i always ask people online for help and not him, he did helped me various times but sometimes in just too much. Im scared, this is stupid i know, i know yhis is dumb and it annoys me. i think that he is cringe and annoying and that i dont stand him , and that means i dont like him bc sometimes i get mad at him and look at him with “disgusting “ but not in that way. like what if i dont stand him and i am with him bc im used to him and what if he is cringe and annoying… IM MORR CRUNGE AND ANNOYING THEN HIM BUT IT MAKES ME THINK I DONT LIKE HIM.

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

respond please

i went to therapy today and i told her about the lack of feeling i gave with my boyfriend, when we do anything, and all the anger i feel for no reason and she somehow told me im not sure i didnt understand it that , it dosent make sense that i want to love him but i dont feel love and i feel disgust when we kiss and thinngs and that i cant accept the truth????? like she is telling me i have lots of fear in me and im telling her im scared that i dont love him but this relationship is making me feel sad and uneassy when i want to be happy and calm bur i kept telling her all of this is bc of the thoughts and she told me that the thoughts are suppose to ease ar least when i am with him… i didnt tell my bf i wrnt to therapy bc he thinks they only want money, and that they can help me but i hav to help myself, and last time i went to therapy i wasnt feeling better and he is wondering how i wasnt feeling any better and that its strange to him to do “steps “ like this bc they only want money. And i left more confused and sad because she confirmed my fears somehow? i dont understand. im just scared i dont actually love him and that i only put high expectations on this relationship and i cant accept the truth. She told me , after i told her i always told people that these thoughts are not true bc they felt out of place, that we can say one thing and feel one thing and i felt like she was telling me again that these thoughts are real. I know im sad and miserable but i dont want to be like this, im scared that i iust matured and i simply dont love him

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im posting again:(

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