Username: Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

Username: djfloriodjflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

Hey sorry you're going through this. It's hard. My advice is to try to understand that your goal isn't to prove once and for all that you are or aren't romantically attracted to women. As long as that's your goal, you are going to stay on this hamster wheel forever. Remind yourself that the goal is to learn to live with uncertainty, to the point that you stop caring whether or not it's true. As you get to that point, the intrusive thoughts will have less of an affect on you, and you won't feel the need to do anything about them. You will learn to live more in the present and be more in tune with how you feel right here and now. Not how you used to feel. Not how you might feel in the future. How you feel right now. Right now you're chasing after these "moments of clarity." You're trying to gain certainty. But that's precisely what keeps the cycle going. There is no winning in that arena. Continue to practice ERP if that's something you've done in the past, and look into it if you haven't. Embrace the uncertainty!

Username: Anonymous Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@djflorio Thank you so much. I always tend to feel better but at some point it’s like my brain resets and forgets that it’s still ocd and tries to answer the burning question and I’m back to square one. I have to figure out a way to remind myself that that’s not the goal and it only makes it worse, it just feels like my ocd is driving full speed and the rest of me can’t even keep up to realize how much worse I’ll feel because if it

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 5w ago

^ Amazing advice! I actually have the same themes, in the same situation, and honestly looked at this post for reassurance (bad). Whether or not you end up with your boyfriend, love him, are attracted to women etc. can be a cycle that your mind tries to dissect forever. It's really hard but you have to get to a point of not caring what the outcome is because as long as you're focused on the outcome you will never feel satisfied. OCD is a doubting disorder.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous OCD is really bad with nuances. Everything needs an answer and everything means something to OCD. And it to OCD your triggers, thoughts, feelings, urges mean exactly what you don't want them to. Those without OCD probably don't even register the things we do. (Maybe they do, who knows!) I hope that provides you some reassurance-less comfort.

Username: Anonymous Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous It does, thank you. It helps too knowing there’s a couple people in the same sorta unique situation as me. Thank you sm

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: 5w ago

I feel you, my brain is in the exact same boat to a T, do I like men romantically or not? Can I see my life with a man/this man (my bf) spending hours and hours on Reddit or google. I have also been down the rabbit hole and usually do come to the conclusion I wanna stay with my bf but at this point I just feel more confused. I have had romantic attraction to women in the past but it didn’t go anywhere and my brain is comparing that to my current relationship. It’s a horrible loop to get stuck in. I get it. It sucks. And ig the other comments are right, lean into the uncertainty (as I say with anxiety coursing through my soul cuz I can’t do it either lol)

Username: Anonymous Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@LiaExe28 Ugh I feel you.. it’s so hard and sometimes I don’t know how to stop at all. It just keeps going and I know compulsions make it worse but I can’t stop, I told my bf about my sexual attraction and I’m so glad he was understanding, maybe I did tell him as a compulsion but it feels like more ERP to have him know and still move forward yk?

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous Yeah I get it. It honestly sucks so much cuz I went from happy and excited about our future to “ig I could” when the excitement is somewhere in my body. Birth control doesn’t help the depression which doesn’t help the numbness and rumination. And the fact I have no libido doesn’t help anything at all. Both the ROCD and the soocd get kicked up a notch. I’m so worried I’m in denial and actually wanna be with one of my friends or smthn. I know I like women (yay bi) but I’m so worried I don’t like men. And it’s scary. I can’t picture anything about our future and I feel horrible. And I’m worried that if we keep going forward it’s just gonna be me faking everything

Username: Anonymous Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@LiaExe28 That’s me too!! Even if I couldn’t envision a future for myself in the moment I knew so much that I wanted to be with him. But now it also feels like “I guess I could see it” but there’s also that thing that keeps me pushing through the anxiety so I can be with him. My libido is pretty low too. I still experience the desire to have sex with him but I question it a lot. For me It feels like I’m afraid of liking women romantically bc deep down I know that that’s not what I want. I know how you feel!! I’m afraid of moving forward w my bf for it to feel like I’m faking it too :/

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous YES THE I GUESS THING is so annoying but there’s snthn that’s keeping me here (rn I’m really numb so idk what that is, but when I had slightly less bad issues with this, I could still feel in my bones that I wanted to stay). I don’t really have a desire to date women either tbh, even tho I’m bi, but the fear of losing my attraction to him scares me shitless. External pressure doesn’t help either, he’s Muslim, I am not, so I’m trying to make sure everything goes well especially on my end meeting his parents soon. They saw a love letter I wrote him and I wanted to curl up into a ball cuz oh god 😭I knew what I said was true (despite me worrying I was lying) but I was so embarrassed cuz I don’t anyone seeing my letters to him😭hope that funny anecdote sorta helps!! I’m scared of getting better if it means I lose him or I am a lesbian honestly. But I don’t wanna live like this. Hopefully we keep seeing each other around on the app lol it’s nice to know I’m very similar to someone else cuz sometimes I feel like I’m insane

Username: Anonymous Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@LiaExe28 I relate to everything you just said omg. I also feel in heart something is making me want to stay and I’m also scared that what I felt in the past was not actually attraction, even though I’ve never felt anything like what I feel for him for anyone else, it’s definitely more on the emotional/romantic side of things (I’m doubting that sm though) I’m super scared of not being attracted to him too. Sometimes I can’t clearly identify why I’m scared and it feels like I just don’t want to be lesbian bc that’s different than the majority of people, but then I think about it and there’s no part of me that feels right about being with a woman romantically yk? Like my brain makes me feel like I’d like it but something’s definitely off about it. I also doubt the love I tell my boyfriend even though I know I truly mean it. Ugh same same same. Me too it is nice to know someone’s in the same boat

Username: LiaExe28LiaExe28

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous I feel insane honestly lol😭like I say yeah I feel great being here but then my brain starts resisting it and I’m like?? No I’m good here. I say I love him and I feel nothing in my chest about it but it makes me sad that I don’t feel anything. I know periods of meh are normal and ok but I’m all fjekfkekf about it. Idk why my brain is trying to resist the love I have wanted for years but then I worry that I’m only doing this out of comphet but I didn’t know what that word meant until this started and I don’t really identify with most of it and being on late in life lesbian subreddits didn’t help cuz I started worrying about every facet of it “do I like him romantically? Do I feel sparks? Have I ever felt more intensely for a woman and denied it (this is from a bi perspective, answer is no? They felt the same intensity. I was just more hesitant about my bf cuz he’s Muslim and I didn’t wanna pour out all my feelings and then lose a friend)? Did I mistake anxiety for butterflies? Did I mistake comfort in company for love? Am I doing this for validation?” Rn I think I’m in a backdoor spike so the thoughts of ending the relationship and actually being a lesbian don’t feel as scary which makes me a tad bit nervous. Rn planning a future with him feels off cuz I’m in this state which makes me nervous but when I’m not anxious god it’s so nice to be wrapped in his arms and honestly I don’t think I’d regret marrying him cuz I do love him and he’s wonderful and makes me feel beautiful and sexy and everything good and when I’m in a good headspace sex is great but with my libido being shot and me obsessing it’s like I can’t trust anything I felt in the past when it came to intimacy before and after losing my v-card. I feel so numb and I hate it cuz I know I want to be intimate with him and I do enjoy it but I just. Can’t lately. We had to stop the other day cuz I started having intrusive thoughts and I just couldn’t concentrate. Certain positions don’t feel good and idk if that’s a normal sex thing or if it’s a I don’t like sex with men thing. I can’t make eye contact either even tho I do love looking at him. Even before this eye contact when he would do stuff with me was awkward lol. Sorry tmi but maybe you relate to this as well

Username: Anonymous Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous Hi! Sorry😂 I just baffled by my ocd and wanted to talk about it w someone who got it, so today my soocd has calmed down a lot. Like looking at the fact that I’ve never felt romantic attraction to women before, it kinda made me realize I’m worrying about that for nothing. Like I don’t feel it now and that’s what matters, so I’m not bothered by it. But now my ocd shifted again to rocd which I expected, but now it’s “do you really want to commit to your bf?” Even though that’s the whole reason why I’m pushing through this 😭 like what

Username: toey

Date posted: 24w ago

Help rocd/hocd

It feels like my boyfriend is ‘another compulsion” because he makes me happy and that is what ocd does, but when he is gone, my mind can go everywhere. Mostly thinking im not attracted to men (im bi and for some reason i feel like i have to choose 1 gender, and that that would be women) even though i know that i dont have to choose and can just be happy with my bf. But then my mind can go “but are you happy” or “youre not aroused right now or aroused enough so your gay or you dont like bf” Thats really hard, because my one of my biggest fears is being with a man all my life (having a family etc) and then falling in love with a woman and throw it all away. I really really love my boyfriend, but it can feel like this is not my real identity and im doing the wrong thing. Like when im not thinking about it, if thats maybe my ocd and not the overthinking. Does anyone understand?

Username: 𝐩𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐤𝐢𝐧🤍🦇🎃

Date posted: 24w ago

NEW RELATIONSHIP OCD

I just started dating this guy not too many months ago. he is everything i ever wanted and he treats me right. but now my OCD intrusive thoughts are creeping back in. ones like “do i love him/like him” and like “i have to tell him im having these horrible OCD thoughts or we will never know how i truly feel.” but i know i love/like him. And sometimes I’ll be having a good day and then BAM, the thoughts smack me in the face and i get stuck in an anxious loop and it ruins my mood. how can i break this compulsion without feeling so anxious and do i tell him i’m having these thoughts to relieve the anxiety?

Username: Dead girl wa...

Date posted: 19w ago

I’m confused

Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.

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