my thoughts today on a busy day

@ShiningStar im scared , this is horible

@Anonymous a very few years ago i used to “manifest” i would have write in a notebook affirmations if what i would want to happen, what if i will “manifest “ the thing i fear most, not loving him.

@Mariabae - I don't know anything about manifesting, nor would I personally believe that is a thing. However, I'm just sharing what I have personally learned in therapy. OCD treatment is all about facing the fears head on, accepting that we have no clue what will truly happen. For example, most of us get in our cars everyday and drive somewhere. In reality, we could be killed doing that. People get killed in car accidents everyday. Most of us don't let that stop us, even though we don't know we won't be killed. We FEEL like we won't be, but we don't know. That's the thing with OCD, it messes with how we feel. A person without OCD would have the intrusive thought that they MAY not love their partner. They'd brush it off and forget about it. If you struggle with ROCD, you attaching feelings to the statement, such as fear. I think a lot of OCD treatment in detaching that feeling that doesn't belong on a thought. Feelings are there to help us survive. They don't help us live a good life. And then mix OCD in, and you have overwhelming feelings about what would normally just be an odd thought.

@Anonymous it really geta to me when it cames with affirmations, saying “i dont love him” i just go crazy and fear this is how i feel. but that is what makes me sad

@Mariabae - You wouldn't be affirming it. You would be exposing yourself to the possibility that it's true. You don't want to try to convince yourself that either side is correct. You want to be ok with not knowing. The overwhelm you are feeling is normal for OCD. Overtime, with persistence and patience, the overwhelm should come down and you'll be able to see more clearly.

@Mariabae - I was just listening to something, and it reminded me of you. It was discussing core fear and OCD. Often, OCD fears go deeper. There is a core fear before the obvious fear. So a question you may want to ask yourself would be, "If I didn't love my boyfriend, what would be the worst case scenario?" What is the thing you are really fearing? Is it being a bad person? Is it being alone? Is it being not good enough? Or something entirely different. This may help you expose yourself to the real problem. I've had many, many themes. All of mine come down to the same 1 or 2 fears. It's amazing how they all end up leading me to the same thing. So during treatment, I work on the obvious fear and the deep lne.

@Anonymous i dont know, before having a relationship o feard i will never have a teenage love, i didnt get with anyone even if i had the chance so i wasnr boy crazy. When i met him it felt different, it felt like he is special. Of course now i doubt that and i think i just wanted a relationship. I remember the first week when i started talking to him a question popped out in my mind that made me panick “what if i will get bored of him like i did with the other boys” i started feeling bad but then i responded to myself “i will not he is different “ and brushed it off. I want to be a good person, thats what i am fearing through my endless thoughts “what if i dont want to accept i dont love him bc im a good person” o swear i felt love i felt good, o still have moments wherei feel good. Now im in mu worst state. This rocd started after 4 months of being together, now we are pushing 2 years, he camed to my house two times and stayed for some days bc we were long distance, a tik tok about a girl , crying and the caption “me thinking i couldn’t live without him” and it was a lot of videos of her crying and then videos of her and her NEW partner being happy, the thought “what if we will not be always forever” camed and it never left, i started feeling strange when i talked to him, something that wasn’t happening before, i started having more ans more thoughts, the thought “what if i will stop loving him” turned into straight “i dont love him” and it haunted me. i found out after a year of batteling about rocd. i am ao scared i dont want it to be true, my relationship is perfect. (ofc i think yeahh thats what is holding you back you just dont like him anymore and dont want to accept it) i hate how i feel. I want to be good, i am wondering if when i fwlt good was just me THINKING i was in love bc that is what i wanted but it camt be, what if im in denial. I dont want this

@Mariabae - So what's the worse thing that happens if you don't love him? Let's say your fear is true, and you don't love him. What's the worse thing about that? Why's that a big deal? I'm not saying these things to say your fear is right. I'm just showing your questions you could ask yourself, to get to the bottom of what the fear truly is.

@Anonymous i dont know how to respond but i just dont want that to happen.

@Secretidentity i know what to do, but i cant find my way to do it, i know il suposed to let thoughts be there but its super harf because they seem real and im scared, i cant go to therapy and i have this problem for over a year.

@Secretidentity i have talk to many people here, especially one person that told me what to do, and that was to let them be and let that feeling be there, but its imposible to sit like this its controlling my life, i feel like a different person i want to love him and be happy, i feel like a liat

@Mariabae You can’t interact with them n don’t let your thoughts control you. When a thought pops up don’t go into “what does this mean omg it must mean this maybe this maybe that” I reccomend laughing at the thought and going “haha that’s funny brain good one. Give me another” the more you Incourage it the less it wants to bother you. It’s like a school bully if you let them bully you. They will if you embrace what they say and go with it they start to leave you alone.

@Secretidentity but it feels so real it scares me, it feels like im in denial and because i have this for so long it makes it worse

@Mariabae I went through that as well. You have to have to have to pretend the thought do not bother you and if your not able to do that. Try and sit with the feelings for as long as you can.