my thoughts today on a busy day

@ShiningStar im scared , this is horible

@Anonymous a very few years ago i used to “manifest” i would have write in a notebook affirmations if what i would want to happen, what if i will “manifest “ the thing i fear most, not loving him.

@Anonymous it really geta to me when it cames with affirmations, saying “i dont love him” i just go crazy and fear this is how i feel. but that is what makes me sad

@Anonymous i dont know, before having a relationship o feard i will never have a teenage love, i didnt get with anyone even if i had the chance so i wasnr boy crazy. When i met him it felt different, it felt like he is special. Of course now i doubt that and i think i just wanted a relationship. I remember the first week when i started talking to him a question popped out in my mind that made me panick “what if i will get bored of him like i did with the other boys” i started feeling bad but then i responded to myself “i will not he is different “ and brushed it off. I want to be a good person, thats what i am fearing through my endless thoughts “what if i dont want to accept i dont love him bc im a good person” o swear i felt love i felt good, o still have moments wherei feel good. Now im in mu worst state. This rocd started after 4 months of being together, now we are pushing 2 years, he camed to my house two times and stayed for some days bc we were long distance, a tik tok about a girl , crying and the caption “me thinking i couldn’t live without him” and it was a lot of videos of her crying and then videos of her and her NEW partner being happy, the thought “what if we will not be always forever” camed and it never left, i started feeling strange when i talked to him, something that wasn’t happening before, i started having more ans more thoughts, the thought “what if i will stop loving him” turned into straight “i dont love him” and it haunted me. i found out after a year of batteling about rocd. i am ao scared i dont want it to be true, my relationship is perfect. (ofc i think yeahh thats what is holding you back you just dont like him anymore and dont want to accept it) i hate how i feel. I want to be good, i am wondering if when i fwlt good was just me THINKING i was in love bc that is what i wanted but it camt be, what if im in denial. I dont want this

@Anonymous i dont know how to respond but i just dont want that to happen.

@Secretidentity i know what to do, but i cant find my way to do it, i know il suposed to let thoughts be there but its super harf because they seem real and im scared, i cant go to therapy and i have this problem for over a year.

@Secretidentity i have talk to many people here, especially one person that told me what to do, and that was to let them be and let that feeling be there, but its imposible to sit like this its controlling my life, i feel like a different person i want to love him and be happy, i feel like a liat

@Mariabae You can’t interact with them n don’t let your thoughts control you. When a thought pops up don’t go into “what does this mean omg it must mean this maybe this maybe that” I reccomend laughing at the thought and going “haha that’s funny brain good one. Give me another” the more you Incourage it the less it wants to bother you. It’s like a school bully if you let them bully you. They will if you embrace what they say and go with it they start to leave you alone.

@Secretidentity but it feels so real it scares me, it feels like im in denial and because i have this for so long it makes it worse

@Mariabae I went through that as well. You have to have to have to pretend the thought do not bother you and if your not able to do that. Try and sit with the feelings for as long as you can.