Can survivors of childhood s*xual assault relate?

@Anonymous Thank so much for sharing with me, it makes me feel a lot better that I’m not alone in this. I do find some “ normal” kinks arousing but not as much as taboo content which scares me.

@Anonymous Yeah I’m a huge anime fan and video game fan too. Sometimes (most of the time actually) the way artists portray minor characters is so triggering because they’re always displayed so sexually. I’m like “ ew wtf that’s a whole child” the all of a sudden I’m triggered and my brain goes “ you like that shit tho”. Like…..No I don’t? Then I have to stop and cry and fear that the fbi is going to knock down my door.

@FWann~ The same thing happens to me, only now i'm not a fan of anime anymore for that very reason, i avoid it completely. but i'm constantly haunted by things i did in the past, because i did see some downright inappropriate content about it, it's very hard to continue living with this and with no one in my circle in my day to day life understanding why i'm distressed about it. Like... It doesn't come out of nowhere, it comes from things i actually watched

@Anonymous Totally feel the “being the only one in your circle” that’s feeling that way. Sometimes they say things like “ how can people even think of that stuff? It’s gross” and I find myself staying silent because I think about those things, but I map out reason in my head why “it’s not what you think it is I swear I’m not like that”

@Candacesandoval23189 Mine started with a brother too. I was thinking about your comment and I thought that maybe sometimes I’m drawn to taboo content primarily with men/siblings is because mine failed to protect me and I think I see sexual things as intimate protection in a way. I think my brain just got lost somewhere down the line and merged the two.

@FWann~ I completely get that I feel like I’m so upset and always feel used by men because of this. My step dad would also make sexual comments to me so I never felt loved by a man until my husband

@FWann~ I’ve never told anybody what happen so they were never punished so I never got justice or closure

@Candacesandoval23189 I filed a report to my school counselor years back, but school systems really only care if you get into college to make their school look good, so unfortunately It didn’t go anywhere. My entire family knows but praises him for “ changing his ways” and shames me for “ dwelling in the past”. It just sucks. He gets to be married and start a family and have a great job, and im stuck in a trap of my own sick brain.

@FWann~ Yes I never told anybody but me and my older sister have hinted it to each other my older brother has a family and kids and good life but as he gets older I see karma getting him, and I’m trying to understand things and see god will handle this. By brother makes me sick he will sometimes say things like he regrets it when we are talking and I hate thy I let him act like it never happen

@Candacesandoval23189 He apologized once to me when I was maybe 14, alone on his car. I remember telling him it was okay and I forgave him, because I was being groomed at the time. I was so scared of my family disowning me if I didn’t forgive him. Now that im an adult and took that forgiveness back my family despises me and thinks I’m some sort of a traitor. Honestly thanks so much for sharing your story I feel better knowing someone has a similar situation and feels the same.

@FWann~ Me to you are the first person I ever told about this, my parents died and I said I would tell then and I never did so I’m pretty mad at myself for that

@Candacesandoval23189 Sometimes I wish I never told my parents because of how much they hate me and love him, but I think no matter the outcome I had the right to share my story because im the survivor. My mom told me “ he didn’t really molest you, he didn’t have sex with you it’s not the same” when I told her. It gutted me. I’m so torn between wishing I never said anything and being proud that I spoke up

@FWann~ That’s horrible your mother doesn’t define who you are I’m sure my mother wouldnt have believed me she always treated me differently, sexual abuse ran in her family to her father would have sex with her sister as children too, but that’s why we have to break cycles and give the best for ourselves and people who we are with husbands wife’s kids we have to break cycles and not let the people who ruined us as children ruin us as adults.

@Candacesandoval23189 100%! I’ve learned sometimes parents who experienced a particular trauma ignore it when it happens to their kids, not sure why that is

@FWann~ Yes most definitely I have one daughter and 6 boys and I’ve broken so many cycles and feel like I could never