In the nighttime they grow (song reference to "Night Knuckles" by Cavetown, if you care)

I find that the intrusive thoughts that hurt me the most are the quiet ones. The ones that, at a glance, can be hard to differentiate from your own thoughts. The louder thoughts are easy to diffuse, to say "maybe, maybe not" to but the quiet ones leave me ruminating for hours trying to figure out if they're mine or OCD's. They leave me feeling disconnected from those around me and even from myself. I can go from happily thinking about marrying my boyfriend in the future to feeling like I have never actually loved him in a matter of minutes all because a thought was a whisper rather than a scream. This is my first post and I'm not sure what I'm looking for in making it. Advice? To know I'm not alone? I guess if there's anything you feel the need to share I'd love to hear it.

Any one else deal with this? Like from the moment they wake up to the second they fall asleep, the intrusive thoughts are there?

Anyone else just have days where they feel more calm and don’t have as many intrusive thoughts? But then later at night time it just comes back so you only had relief even for a little bit 😞😞 I feel like even when I’m not having my OCD send me intrusive thoughts, I always have a feeling in my stomach that something is wrong/off or a sense of doom. I always just feel on edge and anxious as if my mind is always preparing itself for the next horrifying intrusive thought to torment me with ugh 🫠