Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

rocd :(

i feel si bad. me and my bf have almost 2 years and my thoughts about me not loving him affects me so so much. he told me rn he ia very attached to me and he loves me and i feel si bad that i dint feel happy and i constantly think “i dont feel the same” “what do i feel” “do i love him” “i dont love him” he shows me how much he loves me and im here feeling si guilty about what i dont feel and im si scared i dont want to not feel i wqnt to love him and be happy what if im in denial i feel so fake

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

I went through this, we just made four years and now that I know I have ocd I know that those thoughts wasn’t because I felt it.

thesunwillco...

Date posted: 25w

@lashawnda101 how did you get through it? because usually when i’m with my partner i feel calmer (not completely calm but calmer) and i feel like when im in moments i should be enjoying, i get too much in my head and can’t enjoy it because im constantly asking myself how im feeling. i pray all the time this goes away and sometimes i feel hopeful but sometimes i don’t and feel like im just hiding from the truth.

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

@rsimmins00 I allow the thoughts to be and I tell Myself like so what if I actually don’t wanna be with him I’m deciding to stay and if it don’t work out then at least I tried , I had to pretty much accept the uncertainty of us . Life is full of uncertainty and ocd pretty much makes you feel like you have to know how everything is gonna go or how you feel, but you don’t . All you have to do is just be there in the moment thoughts will come but doing give them power by dwelling

thesunwillco...

Date posted: 25w

@lashawnda101 i’m at work right now and definitely don’t want to be here bc i’m so stressed lol. My partner and i talked last night, i confessed when i probably shouldn’t have but she’s the most understanding patient and supportive person ive met so she understands but it’s so heartbreaking knowing i feel this way towards the best person in my life. The other part of me is like if i didn’t care and if i didn’t love her then i wouldn’t be putting myself through hell trying to work this out

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

@rsimmins00 First off don’t leave work ocd is gonna make you feel too stressed to work but do the opposite of what it is telling u second try this when u notice the thoughts label them “here my ocd again” then remind yourself that thoughts are not facts any they are not dangerous or real next u wanna do the opposite of what it’s telling u it may want you to confess or like leave or shut down ….. but don’t U gotta push back .

thesunwillco...

Date posted: 25w

@lashawnda101 thank u i will try that. i was constantly worried for a year that she’d leave me or cheat or something like my past relationships and now since im through that and know thats going to happen thats when this ROCD just randomly popped up one day. i was also on an antidepressant which made me feel numb to a lot of things and i think thats what started it bc i wasnt feeling the same excitement or just my usual self anymore, good or bad and it freaked me out

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

@rsimmins00 i feel bad bc even when we are together i am so bad and my thoughts dont stop, not even his presence makes me feel better

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

@rsimmins00 Yea just don’t seek the reassurance it makes it worse instead get comfortable with not knowing everything

thesunwillco...

Date posted: 25w

@Mariabae yeah my thoughts don’t completely stop but i am reminded of why i love being with my partner and how safe i feel. im seeing a therapist next week and just hope it stops soon

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

@Mariabae I felt that too but ocd is not your thinking part of your brain so it blocks logic a does whatever. I cried so bad because my boyfriend is the sweetest and he’s so understanding I kept thinking oh we not suppose to be together maybe I want someone else and he was just sitting there worried about me did give care about what I was saying just wanted to make sure I was okay . He just kept reassuring me which in time didn’t help but point is my thoughts were just thoughts I made them alive by breathing into them when really I should’ve just let it be

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

@rsimmins00 Omg I’m seeing one ok this app and I love it tbh just saying my thoughts out loud be having me thinking “what was I thinking “

thesunwillco...

Date posted: 25w

@lashawnda101 yes i’m really hoping that’s what will happen bc my past themes i think now what was i even worried about?? this is my first safe and healing relationship and i don’t want to lose it. Im also seeing a therapist from this app and im a little nervous but i would do anything atp

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

@rsimmins00 Sounds like you care enough to make a big step forward

thesunwillco...

Date posted: 25w

@lashawnda101 i do, i know how deeply i love her and how our souls just dance when we’re together especially in deep moments and id do anything for this girl. i just pray this goes away soon

lashawnda101

Date posted: 25w

At one point I couldn’t even go to work I was so worried about my relationship and how I actually felt , I kept trying to check my feelings by looking at other guys and seeing how I felt and I may have found them to be handsome and maybe even a good guy but nun was like the one I had . I also knew that my boyfriend made me happy and that I loved him and so i told myself that was enough for me to stay and that if I later found out that I didn’t wanna stay anymore then so be it . But I told God that he would have to show me cause I can’t see clearly . We’ve been good since then thoughts come but they come fast but leave faster now we more in love than before

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

i want to cry- rocd- respond please

i saw a tik tok with a guy reading notes about how others relationships ended, or new it ended something like that. One of them was “ when i wasnt excited to see her anymore and it felt like a chore, i wasnt happy anymore and i felt like that for over a year but i couldn’t tell her” i feel horible bc i think i have rocd and for over a year i obbses with me not loving him anymore. i feel awful. what if im in the same position as that guy. what if i dont love him. he is at my house rn and i feel si bad, i feel like i have no feelings. i feel horible i font understand what is happening. i dont want this to happen . This video made me want to cry. what if i cant accept the fact that i dont like him anymore. when he kisses me i think that i dont want him. i feel like a liar.

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

please read- rocd… or is it? im in agony

Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me

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