- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I also kinda became addicted to the porn (tmi) whilst touching myself , it was mainly because I was bored all the time. I even started to kinda get lesbian dreams but it wasn’t involving myself it was like if I was watching porn live. But nothing to do with me in it.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Also i totally relate to feeling ugly. For me that started when hocd came. I just stopped feeling feminine and pretty like i used to. The weird thing is that when my selflove went down, i noticed people stopped calling me pretty and i didnt got hit on as much anymore. That all really ruined how i felt about myself. Im now obsessed with looking good and men hitting on me and i want every boy to think im pretty its sooo freaking stupid. I really hate that i do that i wish i was as careless as i used to. It really ruined my dreams and my passion for the future. I want to see the future as a positive thing again and not as something i look up against. I also freaking hate thinking about woman in any other way than just friends. I hate it i just want to be comfortable around them like i used to and not rhink of them sexually its so disgusting and unpure for me personally. Anyway imma build my way up there i promise that to myself
- Date posted
- 5y ago
OMG i feel the same. like i don’t feel feminine anymore, i feel like...sloppy. idk it’s hard to describe.
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- 5y ago
@empathmind Exacrly just sloppy and like empty. I dont feel like a boy or something but like i dont ejoy fashion and makeup like i used to. I jusr get dressed bc i have to and i want to look good but only for society but i take 0,0 joy out it these days. I hate that its bevause of hocd and not because im just not that into those things anymore. I know deep down i still love those things but hocd just kills every positive thing
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- 5y ago
@hocdgirlsummer yes! yes! exactly! you put it into words.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I totally 100% understand what you are going through. I came across lesbian porn when i was 11 and most likely became addicted. It’s one of my biggest regrets, as I think that it’s the key factor that keeps my HOCD going. It’s tough. Girl if you ever need to talk I’m here for you, i totally understand how you are feeling. We got this ??
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- 5y ago
I also regret it so much. I wish I never stumbled onto it. Since then it’s just been chaos. Thank you so much! It’s nice to know your not alone! I really appreciate that!
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- 5y ago
@Chloejade97 Of course! (:
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- 5y ago
Damn im the exacr same as yall. I wish we could just say: i like lesb porn im still into men period and just stop stressing about it like we didn when we were 11. As i got older i just thought it was weird i watched lesbian porn and enjoyed it, thats where my hocd started too. Since then the attraction to men has just been gone and theres no proof right now that im straight other than that ive never ever in my life have beenn in love with a girl or felt the same feelings for a girl like i didnfor a boy. Being in love is like heaven for me and in all this time not liking boys anymore i havent fel anybting like it for a girl. It HAS to mean something. Im scared i ruined my attravrion for men forever.
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- 5y ago
Yeah truly if i dont like it why cant i just be confident in that. Whay do i have to analyze it over and over. I jusr cant stop myself from doing it. I cant imagine how it must be to finally hear yhe boy u liked likes u back and exacrly at that point u ger hocd. I wish u lots of luck and u will conquer this!
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- 5y ago
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- 5y ago
Yeah ugh ik scared i will never fall genuinly in love with a boy just for him without having to analyze and reassure all the time. I miss the old me so much...
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- 5y ago
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- 5y ago
I do make YouTube videos! I wanted to help others with hocd. Thank you so much, for saying that! I can really understand that! It must of been hell for you :( hocd is so horrible.
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- 5y ago
@Chloejade97 Hey whats ur channel :)
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- 5y ago
@hocdgirlsummer It’s “heyitschloejade Vlogs” :)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w ago
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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