rocd is awful

I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place

Username: byanymeansbyanymeans

Date posted: 3d ago

I feel the same right now, I honestly miss how it used to be before all this bs, and the worst thing is that it’s a us problem, the person hasn’t changed or anything it’s just our thoughts which sucks. I am also at the point where I feel numb and feel like i’m just messing up her life and thinking we will both be better without eachother but then I come back to reality and be like “no I do love her and want to be with her”. The thing that sucks is that this is my first actual good, healthy and long relationship and i’m young(19), so it’s like am I just scared or just think there is someone else out there better for me.

Username: MariabaeMariabae

Date posted: 3d ago

@byanymeans same, my first relationship and a perfect one, im young too im almost 18

Username: BeeleebopBeeleebop

Date posted: 3d ago

GIRLL you are NOT alone. I am married and struggle with ROCD. the feelings you feel are very real. My ROCD focuses on my husbands “flaws” like his weight. It bothers my brain so much that I try to control what he eats. And if my ocd does not get satisfied- then I feel so anxious that it makes me made and irritated. It makes me treat him horribly- it’s like I can’t help it because my anxiety is so high. Mine has been so bad for the past few weeks that I think I’m going to try Prozac again. It worked well last time. Have you considered therapy and or medication? I was hesitant to take meds at first but they are oh so helpful for me

Username: MariabaeMariabae

Date posted: 3d ago

@Beeleebop i cant really go to therapy because of my parents. i know the healing starts within you and i wait for the day i will be better, i hope i will not realize my thoughts are real

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 3d ago

Maria, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m going through the same right now, and it’s really tough. Reading your message actually made me tear up a little because I feel the same way—like I’m letting my partner down, even though I know it’s probably the stress and the OCD making everything feel so much worse. Last night, my boyfriend choked—he’s fine, it was just some saliva—but I honestly felt so irritated by it. I ended up hanging up on him when we were saying goodbye before he started coughing, and then I felt horrible. He texted me to let me know he was okay, but I still called back and apologized because I knew I’d been rude. The stress can get to us in such scary ways. I’ve had moments where I look at him and just feel this frustration, and I think I just want to scream, but I think it’s not really about him. I think I want to scream at myself. It’s hard not to question everything. Last night, I actually thought I wanted to be single. To the point where OCD got into my head and convinced me that I’m only with him because he’s my emotional crutch when I’m spiraling, and I feel so distant and numb, like I can’t even connect to the person I care about most. It’s the stress, it’s the OCD, and I promise you, you’re not alone in this. It makes you feel so apathetic, like you can’t care, even when you want to so badly. But it will pass, this isn’t forever. Are you in therapy? It could really help

Username: MariabaeMariabae

Date posted: 3d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 im not in therapy… my mom said i will go but i dont know what “you will” means.. my dad keeps telling me that if i go to therapy they will stop giving me poket money and i assume they think i want to go to therapy bc is a “trend” to made up problems, they dont understand why i am so sad when my life is very good.

Username: NatSwaiNatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

“When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place I feel like I was a completely different person” OMG do I relate. Isn’t it insane how OCD can impact and alter memories and feelings? It’s so strange

Username: MariabaeMariabae

Date posted: 3d ago

@NatSwai it is. and the fact that there are multiple people experiencing this thing… someone , here told me that rocd dosent exist and we are just inveting it not wanting to accept the truth , i dont know how someone could tell me that, especially on this app

Username: Luke M.

Date posted: 23w ago

Really struggling with R-OCD

This past week has been very challenging; I have been seeing this guy now for a couple of months, and every now and then I will experience a loss of interest in him. Sometimes this is brought upon by the OCD itself, which makes me not want to be around him because he is the trigger. Other times, it’s hard to tell if I’m genuinely not interested, and this drives me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am leading him on and forcing myself to like him just because I want to be in a relationship. To make things clear, he is the sweetest guy and hasn’t done anything wrong; he knows that I struggle with R-OCD and has been very understanding, but isn’t aware of my periods of disinterest and doesn’t know just how distressed I get. This morning, he texted me and said he can’t wait to see me. While reading his text, I never got excited or felt butterflies, I just felt sick to my stomach because all I can think about is how I’m gonna have to tell him I’m not into him right now. I feel like at this point with the back and forth feelings, I just need to end things. The more I think about it, the more I start to believe and feel that’s the right answer. I get sad because I am starting to catch feelings and don’t want to put a stop to a potentially good relationship. I’m really trying to understand why my feelings for him are constantly up and down.

Username: elwoodriley

Date posted: 20w ago

Is this ROCD or no???

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubts and anxiety in my relationship, and I’m not sure if it’s normal or if it might be something more like relationship anxiety or ROCD. I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone who is incredibly sweet, caring, and kind. And not to mention this is my first relationship ever. Despite knowing all of this, I often find myself overwhelmed by doubts. I constantly question whether I really love him or if I only like the idea of him. Sometimes, I worry that I’m just staying in the relationship because I don’t want to be single or because he’s the kind of person I’m supposed to be with. These thoughts feel so real, and it’s hard to shake them off, even though I don’t want them. I also tend to find “icks” or small things to criticize, and it feels like my brain is trying to push him away, even though I want to be with him. I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and it makes me overthink whether I’m being honest with myself about wanting the relationship. At times, I rely on external validation, like when people tell us we look cute together. I’m scared I might be too focused on what others think, instead of how I truly feel. I also feel guilty about small things, like not responding in the way I think I should, and I worry whether I’m capable of loving someone else. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by how “perfect” he is, and it makes me try to find ways to dislike him, even though I know he’s a good person. I also feel nervous about things like meeting his parents or not fully enjoying his sense of humor, which adds to my overthinking. I want to be with him, but I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and overanalyzing my feelings. I just want these thoughts and anxieties to go away. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Could this be a sign of relationship anxiety or something more? Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 17w ago

Please help, ROCD is too much

I have an amazing fiance, our anniversary is coming up soon and I'm very excited, but my head keeps going back and forth on I love him or actually you don't love him. You hate him. It's so distressing. I keep looking up things to save relationships and comparing our relationships to other people like what am I doing wrong? And anytime I think of it, I also start thinking what if all of this is just in my head and it's not real or I'm just faking all of this. It's constant back and forth and it's making things hard. I'm not texting him as much as I use to and he noticed it. He feels bad and I don't want him to think it's his fault. He's the best fiance I've ever had and I don't want to lose him, but I want these thoughts to go away. Is it even ROCD or am I just losing it? I know I have OCD around food and gross sexual intrusive thoughts but I don't know if it's effecting other aspects of my life (I was only recently diagnosed) Please help, anyone.

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