- Date posted
- 25w
please read- ROCD
I’m really scared that if I stop panicking about my thoughts, they will become real. Lately, I’ve been feeling irritated by my boyfriend, and sometimes I even think he annoys me or disgusts me. When these thoughts come, they feel so real, like I genuinely don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. And now I’m terrified that if I stop reacting with fear, it means I actually don’t want him, and I’ve just been in denial this whole time. What if the fact that I’m getting used to these thoughts means I’m actually accepting them as the truth? What if my fear was the only thing keeping me from realizing I don’t love him anymore? I’ve read about people saying that, with ROCD, thoughts lose their power over time, but I’m scared that in my case, that will just mean I’ll end up accepting something I don’t want to be true. On top of that, I had a situation where I noticed a guy at school, and my anxiety made me obsess over it. I remember seeing him last year and paying attention to how he dressed, which made me panic and think, ‘What if I like him?’ The thought wouldn’t leave my head, and I even thought about it at home, which made me feel guilty. Recently, I had to go to his classroom for a project with my teacher, and when I saw him, I felt like I got nervous or something. Now I’m terrified that I like him, and that it means I don’t love my boyfriend. I don’t even know his name, I don’t want to know, but my mind won’t stop obsessing over it. Meanwhile, my boyfriend told me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and that breaks my heart. I feel so guilty because I’m constantly thinking that I don’t like my boyfriend, and now my brain is telling me I like someone else. What if I’m only with my boyfriend because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m in denial? I just want to feel normal again. my boyfriend is amazing he dosent deserve this