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I believe I posted this a bit too late yesterday night, so I’m reposting. Hello, everyone. I’ve been struggling with OCD for two years. I’ve been attending concerts before I found out that I have OCD but since I started struggling with OCD, concerts have been overwhelming for me. I will say, I still attend concerts because they make me really happy. However, I do have a lot of anxiety before concerts, which results in overthinking, intrusive thoughts and avoidance. I wanted to share something and I’m hoping to receive feedback or advice on how I can learn to move on from this situation and enjoy the concert that’s coming up. Does anyone have advice on how I can enjoy the upcoming concert without worrying about the situation I mentioned? This entire week I’ve been searching for news articles and there’s been many times that I thought about not going to the concert at all. I know I shouldn’t be doing that, but I would like to improve and do better. I’m still going to the concert because I know I’ll regret it, I just feel nervous! So, the situation is, I accidentally left a water bottle under a seat inside a concert arena 8 months ago. I never litter, I always pick up my trash. However, when the concert ended, I couldn’t find the water bottle that I was looking for and I had to leave since my Uber just arrived to take me and my friends home. So, the water bottle was left in the arena. I asked my friend if she saw the water bottle and she told me that she saw it under the seat in front of us. Currently having intrusive thoughts about someone slipping on the water bottle under the seat, resulting in something serious such as a injury. I have another concert coming up soon that’s near the concert arena that I left the water bottle at and I feel worried about attending this concert because I have another intrusive thought that the staff from both venues will find me and tell me I did something wrong for leaving the water bottle. I’m also worried that someone did slip on the water bottle and I don’t know about it. I apologize for such a long post. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this post and thank you to everyone who replies on this post, I appreciate it!

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

I put a trigger warning because I will be discussing themes of end of times. I feel like I'm not following God's will. God knows ultimately that things were going to speed up end of times wise. A few months ago, I had a random thought to call someone I had affected with past sin and apologize to him although I did not know he was there, my sin affected him. I know he deserves an apology, but I chalked it up to ocd and treated it as such for months fast forward to now I feel like I'm completely against God. Horrifying. It's a complex situation I caused and therefore though I know he deserves an apology I'm really scared as I created a mess of things. I've been praying that God help certain things come to fruition so I could be exposed and help minister to others if that's what He's calling me to do but no answer. Instead horrible images and thoughts and feelings of doom. I see signs to apologize everywhere. I'm at my wits end. Because I tend to get ahead of myself I asked two family members and they said don't and then I see things that say Though people in your life mean well, don't go based on what they say only what God says. I tell God to do His will and I'll follow, do you think He'll listen. I even told Him I straight up don't want to do it, not because He doesn't deserve one, but because last time I apologized to someone else I didn't do it right and it was messy. I feel so evil, like a wolf in sheep's clothing. I also remember looking up morbid things for what???? Only to be disturbed pray about it and leave by why search it up again? I also fantasized alot about guys I've been single forever, late 20s now, I'm trying to go to church and my crush is there and I try to stop thinking about him because I know it's delusional but the thoughts don't leave. I'm so tired I want to stop but stop what? Living? I want to stick to God as close as possible. I'm going crazy.