fear

When I was younger, I already had contact with this in short story format, and it happened again recently but I didn't feel anything, no kind of dominant attraction..now I'm crying because I hate who I've become so much, I feel like my life is lost and the only solution is death.

@Ishtar._ I thought the same thing

@Ishtar._ I sometimes feel like that but honestly I’m working on deciding to live and not just survive just enough to be ok . I wanna enjoy life again, I have not done anything to truly suggest I am a pedo sometimes I think about how I would defend myself if I was faced with life of death situation, doesn’t make me a murderer thoughts and feelings are not facts

@lashawnda101 my brain will never leave me alone because of the mistakes I've already made, I feel like I'll never be able to have a "normal" sex life again

@Ishtar._ Yea if I’m being honest corn 🌽 videos are not healthy for the mind that’s where most of my issues started, I was SA as a kid by family members so I was always lustful and I also gave my life to Christ at a young age due to anxiety and depression and just wanting to die, after that I felt great it was like a weight was lifted but once I got my own apartment and started spending nice with my boyfriend I became anxious about doing wrong and it just went on from there I started replaying all my past mistakes and came to the conclusion that I don’t deserve him , and that he needed to know every intrusive thought I had , I kept feeling the urge to confess and then it became bad I couldn’t go to work and I started confessing to my pastor (my grandad ) and my granny and my boyfriend about different things I confessed my sin of fornication my lust my corn videos it’s was bad I kept calling off from work and couldn’t eat I was losing weight then I started searching for relief for a while I thought I just had anxiety and depression found out the symptoms were ocd downloaded this app and got diagnosed. I started therapy but couldn’t pay after I left my job because of insurance so now I’m kind in between always looking for the next attach not being able to fully relax

@lashawnda101 i'm sorry for your situation, and i sincerely hope this gets better! i also had early sexual contact, which triggered a lot of things in me..when i was a teenager, i was afraid of sex, it caused me a little anxiety...but i had a beautiful, respectful and romantic vision and that's what i wanted.. now, after a virtual sexual trauma at age 16, everything has changed. have contact with content (in the form of stories and anime) early on it also had a big impact. it's difficult. i feel disgusted with myself.

@Ishtar._ Same guess we aren’t so alone after all