OCD

relate to this a lot as well. sometimes, i think what im really feeling is grief. like just grief that this is my life now. i know that there is potential for me to get better, but rn it seems very out of reach. I'm sorry that you experience this too.

@moon027097 I think mine is a bit different. Feels like my life is just over and I can't get back on track to what I want because of the past. I've just been feeling pretty hopeless

@BigGyro09 :( sometimes, I feel like that too. from what i've read from your previous posts, I hope that you find a PCP who can help you in this journey. you don't have to figure this out alone. but yeah, i totally get you. it feels pretty bleak and the hopelessness can feel overwhelming

@moon027097 I hope it's at least a start for the week. I just can't take the anxiety anymore. What's more bothersome are past events in my early and late teen years. Do you have any plans to move past the feelings of grief and getting better?

@BigGyro09 you deserve to get the help you need to heal and recover and i hope it works out. i do see a therapist but she doesn't diagnose right now, she's all i can afford, but she has said she wants to refer me to a psychiatrist in the near future when things are more stable and i have the finances. i just try to take each day one step at a time and being on here helps a lot. it's just one of those things im trying to accept.

@moon027097 I don't feel like I do but I hope it works out as well. Is your therapist helping at the very least? It sounds like things are going well with them. I hope you can get to a psychiatrist soon. I don't feel like I can really get my life back because of how I tried to help a minor with POCD at 19 while they were 17 and topics were sensitive and as much as I didn't want to talk to them and let them know that I still did it because I guess I had trouble saying no to someone who needed help and I thought I could just offer advice. I just hate living my life like this.

@BigGyro09 of course you deserve help, but OCD is probably always going to tell you the opposite. yeah, she's really empathetic and understanding of me. she also acknowledges that i have some pretty bad intrusive thoughts and obsessive thoughts so even though she's not an expert, I feel seen. she's been helpful with processing trauma and depression. also, i know reassurance is bad, but you were 2 years older than them. i feel like people always feel some sense of duty to help people younger than them. but OCD is always going to try to distort situations and interactions. You were offering them advice. it doesn't mean your intentions were bad either. I think talking to a professional about it will definitely help you move past this and help you understand your feelings.

@moon027097 I was mainly offering them advice and showing them pictures of how they can help themselves until they were able to get therapy, but there were other times where I guess I tried to help them outside of OCD that I feel really regretful and uncomfortable with. I think they mentioned worried about their sexuality but idk if it was in conjunction with OCD and I told them sometimes I worry about that myself with feelings of asexuality but I don't think that's the case now. I just don't like how explicit the topics and worries got and I especially didn't like being the one reassuring them over and over again, let alone talking to them so I just didn't want to keep continuing, but I did want to help. And yeah, I tend to act very different with people that are either clearly younger than I am or straight up children. I'm a lot more careful, understanding, and avoidant because the last thing I want to do is do something inappropriate with a child in any way. But I feel like this is something that can just be used against me and I feel like my life is just completely done because of this. I even had a summer job that involved looking after children and OCD latches onto that as well or remembers things incorrectly. I'm glad your therapist is helpful. I feel the same about my therapist and I've been with them for a really long time now. Trauma is something I think I'm dealing with as well because it's really difficult for me to get over some things from the past. I don't think it's all just OCD but I do think OCD put it on the radar if that makes sense. I can at least say I know my intentions weren't bad from this. I know that's not the kind of person I would ever want to be.

@BigGyro09 i understand what you're saying. if anything, I think your worries just prove how cautious and caring you are towards children. but yeah, OCD will latch on to anything to prove that you're this or that or etc. etc. you know the type of person you want to be and it's pretty clear you don't want to do harm. i hope that you can work through this. it's a lot of tough feelings and i know it must be really isolating. wishing you all the best

@moon027097 Thanks. I wish the same for you as well. I hope you won't have to feel lost anymore and I hope you can get closer to the life you want to live despite it being there.

@BigGyro09 thank you. this means a lot 🥹 I hope the same for you!!