- Username
- Ioannis
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m not 100% sure because mine was more instructive thoughts, than compulsions and stuff but I think watching space documentaries and documentaries in general made me think about death for some reason. So that was my first ocd I counter, I was around 8 or 9
yeah same, i started constantly worrying about death when i was like 5-6.
I just remover being young :( for some reason when ever I try and think about it i remember year 5 in primary school and so I looked at the ages and it said 7 or 8 so that’s what I’m going with but pretty much from as long as I can remember.
@ScarlettA After reading this i remembered my mom told me as a kid around 5-6 i was scared someone would break in my house and kill us,i never thought it was ocd sign because i never remember having ocd before 13 maybe i did but it was mild?
Yeah I remember crying about death constantly when I was 5 and I became scared that someone was going to kill me and I never fell asleep. Then when I was 7 if i didnt step with the same foot that someone was stepping with infront of me while walking i thought i was going to die, it drove me crazy if i didnt. My anxiety has taken a lot of different forms over the years.. im struggling with hocd, rocd, and contamination ocd right now. im now 19 and just got diagnosed and im very very thankful for my diagnosis!
Yes... I know where it comes from dinge i am in theraphy... when it started i forgot but i assume 1-2 years ago
Mine apparently started 4 yrs ago when I got into a really bad car accident. I thought it started this year but my psychiatrist says it definitely started after that accident and once she explained why it makes sense. I just didn’t know it was OCD back then.
When I was really little. I always had health anxiety. If I had a loose tooth, I would sit in front of the mirror wiggling it until it came out because I couldn't go to sleep with a loose tooth. I thought I would choke and die. And I had other things. I would obsessively clean cuts, had intrusive thoughts about death. It subsided during most of my teen years, and then came back when I got pregnant at 18.
First symptom:hocd. When i was 15 i was addicted to porn and when you are addicted to that after some point you need to see something new and different, long story short i was watching gay porn for some time but just oral,i wasn't attracted to men it was just different hell i even watched porn with animals lol,one day though i got curious does watching gay porn mean im gay? So i googled it expecting to see that it doesn't mean anything. Big mistake, answers on quora said that it means that i am a "closet homosexual" that was unexpected at that moment and hit like a train, that's how my hocd started i thought i was gay because that's what quorans said. 5 years later i developeped existamental ocd by making another stup mistake, i was trying to get enlightened to beat my hocd(lol) so i was meditating that's fine but i also started contemplating on reality and trying to convince myself that i create reality and that all consciousness is one,i underestimated the power of my mind and in one moment as i was contemplating solipsism entered my head,it was like i realized that i am the only thing that exists and everything is a fraction of my mind. Yeah Im a fucking idiot didn't realize how much that thing can fuck me up smh
Woah sounds hard for u
@Ioannis Yeah hocd was bad but solipsism is 10 times worse, it makes me feel like everything is meaningless because if im the only consciousness there is no point in anything wow it sounds ridiculous to me now but offcource in 1--2-5? Minutes i will believe it again
for those with sexual orientation ocd.. if you are comfortable sharing (and if you remember), what was the moment/person/place/etc. that first triggered your sexual orientation ocd? i’m just genuinely curious and want to see if there are any patterns. for me it was the summer before my freshman year of high school (i am currently 21). i was going to a pride parade with some family friends and was texting a guy that i ended up dating for a while. to be quite frank, he was a total idiot. he asked what was up and i told him that i was going to a pride parade with some friends. his immediate response was “wait does that mean that you are gay??”. i remember that i got this weird sensation of panic after i read that text. and his question like stayed lingering in my mind for longer than it should have. long story short, my sexual orientation ocd really kicked in halfway through my freshman year of high school..but i didn’t realize that that was what it was until about 2 years ago.
for those with SO-OCD, how did your subtype come about? for me it was just one day lying in bed and irrationally thinking that since I wasn’t interested in hooking up with my male “friend” that I was gay and that I was hiding the fact from myself all these years. Im just not too familiar with how OCD manifests in people. like is it sudden or?
I believe I’ve always had intrusive/OCD thoughts. When I was younger I always repeated phrases because my brain went “if you don’t do this your whole family will die” but it wasn’t anything too bad. However, when I was 15 I entered my first relationship. I had divorced parents and didn’t know what love was - so it ended up being abusive and I did not know. He forced me to disclose all the people I found attractive as well as all the “unpure” thoughts I had. He deemed fantasizing cheating - which I respected - but also caused for a lot of intrusive thoughts to make me freak out. He also gaslit me and accused me of cheating for the lightest things (gave my cousin a side-hug) and prohibited me from getting male friends because he thought I’d cheat (I’ve never been unfaithful or even flirted w another man. I’ve always had strong morals about it) I believe this trauma is what made my ocd what it is now, since I’m used to being accused for stuff I didn’t understand or have control over. I believe that understanding OCDs roots allows me to heal because it reminds me that I could exist without this thoughts and still had a good moral compass.
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