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Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

anon18373828

Date posted: 5d ago

This sounds like pretty textbook ROCD. I have it pretty bad too, and if you didn’t care about your partner then you wouldn’t be so anxious about these thoughts. It’s so hard to distinguish the truth, I struggle with some of these thoughts too. I’m not a professional, but my opinion is that this is ocd. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all this. You’re not alone. (Edit: My advice to you is maybe making some mantras to repeat to yourself when you’re having these thoughts? For example; “The thought of “I don’t love him” is just thought” Again, i’m not a professional, just a fellow OCD sufferer)

Mariabae

Date posted: 5d ago

@anon18373828 thank you

#Lexiriri

Date posted: 5d ago

My boyfriend is finishing his degree and is going through exams right now, I have Relationship OCD and I’ve been going through the exact same thing you’ve been going through the past couple weeks because of it. Relationship OCD can be really hard because OCD feeds on our fears, and I’ve found with relationship OCD it makes it almost like you don’t have object permanence but for love, because you can’t see it your OCD makes you assume it’s not there. Things my therapist has told me that have helped me snap myself out of it when I’m spiraling “think of your favorite food, do you want to eat that food every single day, for every single meal, for the rest of your life absolutely no breaks nothing else. No you don’t, you would want some form of a break at some point. Relationships are the same way, sometimes one of you needs or wants some time for themselves, doesn’t mean that you don’t love them or they don’t love you, it’s just a normal part of coexisting with people even if they are your favorite person” “You can be happy and enjoy your day and still miss someone”. Obviously I can’t tell you how you feel, only you can do that, but I encourage you to sit with these anxieties if you can without ruminating or causing to much distress or harm when they come up and you are examining the the thoughts and the actual reality of them and the emotions that come up and then you let the thought go. For example when I do this I think about my relationship and all the ups and downs it’s had and then I think about what a reality of life without my boyfriend would be and then I become very very sad because I do love my boyfriend and I want to be with him, then I release the thoughts and let them go and when I the thoughts come up again throughout the day I remind myself of that feeling and try to let the thoughts go and not do my compulsions though it is extremely hard to not do the compulsions I have no advice for that. If my writing doesn’t make sense I’m so sorry I’m dyslexic 😅

Mariabae

Date posted: 5d ago

@#Lexiriri its so hard bc my rocd is only trlling me i dont live him and im forcing myself to love him im always rude to him and makes me think i dont care about him or how i make him feel

#Lexiriri

Date posted: 5d ago

@Mariabae I understand it can be really hard to let go of intrusive thoughts, but something really important to always remember with ocd is that our intrusive thoughts aren’t actually our thoughts they usually our greatest fears being reflected back at us in some way. A key feature of obsessive and intrusive thoughts in OCD is they cause us a lot of distress, they make us uncomfortable, anxious, and upset. I would reflect on how these thoughts make you feel when they come up and in what way. You say you have thoughts that you don’t care about him, how do feel when that thought comes up? Do you feel scared, stressed, guilty? Start naming the emotions attached to them and trying to explore where the emotions lead to. If you have a therapist this would be a really great thing to do with them because they can help you better understand what you’re experiencing and break it down more, if you don’t have a therapist then I suggest when you do this you journal and take good notes as you do! I did an iop for my ocd last year and one of the number one things they taught me was you can’t expect to make near as much progress with my OCD if I don’t understand the emotions and fears behind your themes and work from the root of the problem instead of just trying to stop the thoughts and compulsions

I’m Batman

Date posted: 5d ago

OCD attacks the things you value most , I am told. If it keeps attacking him and your relationship, there is a pretty good chance you value it. That’s kind of how I look at it. I don’t have ocd about squirrels or raccoons. I’m not outside every day having intrusive thoughts about squirrels getting into my house and holding me hostage for nuts. Not because it can’t happen, I’m sure squirrels could find a way into your home and harm you… but because I don’t care about squirrels. Sure they’re cute but that’s about as much as I care. Now my relationship ? I know I do care about that. And ocd knows this. Which option do you think OCDs going to pick to get me to do compulsions ? Not the squirrels cause it knows I don’t care. So when I start getting intrusive thoughts about if I love my partner or not , I just think “wow I must really value you because my ocd hates you” 🤣. Honestly I would like to read about someone on here posting squirrel ocd. I feel like that would be funny.

Mariabae

Date posted: 4d ago

@I’m Batman thank you for this

LiaExe28

Date posted: 12w ago

Pats crush groinal response

Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off

Elliesmith

Date posted: 9w ago

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 9w ago

I feel like a cheater, please help :(

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

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