thought i was sort of improving but nope. I feel so useless. also a lot of the thoughts are "I wish/I want" now and those are the worst because they're so visceral. its so bad I have to go to a college close to ny house bc i'll freak out if I'm far away. maybe I should just give up
Hey i've been going through the same thing lately. Right now as i type this i am absolutely paralized because my intrusive thoughts now are feeling like genuine "hints" about this theme. TOCD is absurdly hard, but i'm trying my best to just accept uncertainty, i've made my decision about my gender and i want to stick with it even ig OCD tells me i'm wrong and i'll be unhappy forever.
bro same, seems like I burst out into tears every single day and apparently I'm arguing with myself in my sleep. hopefully I can accept uncertainty, but my minds screaming at me to be a guy or I'll never be happy. I miss the girl who was sure of herself.
@shinsset the fact we desperatly want so much to be our sex assigned at birth is so funny paradoxically like, OCD actually made us dysphoric and yearn for it like trans people but in absolute reverse fashion lmao
@shinsset what helps me is thinking "well if i was born with the brain of a girl / if i want to be a girl, then i will transition to become a man because thats what i want - so i'll be trans anyway" that absolutely bugs out my OCD and he usually goes into "what if / you will - be unhappy" mode and that's better to deal with
@Kands - yeah I know if I was born a guy, I would most definitely want to transition to become female or at least be transfeminine in some way, because being a guy would feel very viscerally wrong. and as I'm typing this my ocd's like "you could just be a femboy or a girly guy" but i don't WANT to be a girly guy, I want to be a girl. also my thoughts switch around like im already trans, which suck. I feel like i'm not part of the "I was a happy girl/boy before this" crowd before this, because I was going through something else before this (political ocd, recovering from trauma, and just general anxiety/depression) but at least I was sure of who I was and who I wanted to be, I was actually looking at my mom and grandmother and couldn't wait to be older women like them. but this is hell
@shinsset I relate so hard š„²š„² Im having a horrible episode right now, like, the most anxious Iāve felt in a while. Seeing your story makes me feel less alone
@sofiaraaah7 - yeah I've been dealing with this for about 2 months now and it sucks, though with little bouts before, though that only lasted a few days. when this started I genuinely had no idea this was ocd and actually thought I was trans and that all my compulsions were healthy, though I didn't really like being seen as trans, didn't like all the things that would supposedly give me gender euphoria, and mourned being a woman a lot. finding out this was tocd was a total relief and I was happy that I still got to be a girl, but it hasn't gotten any easier really. if you ever wanted to talk I'm here though. try to find a therapist if you can, if its not possible you can look up easy erp for this thing
I have TOCD as well and it really sucks. I know I donāt want to be a boy, but it feels so f***ing real and at this point Iām almost convinced itās real :( I just want to be a girl
It's clear how much distress this is causing, impacting significant decisions like college and leaving you feeling hopeless. It takes courage to share this experience. Many people with OCD struggle with intrusive thoughts that feel like desires, making them incredibly difficult to cope with. Help is here at NOCD and we can assist you in finding outside help if needed too. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/3-ways-untreated-ocd-can-impact-daily-life/
Lately I have been having really really bad existential ocd the thoughts and compulsions never stop they are even in my dreams I resist compulsions as long as I can but I just want this to go away I keep thinking about how many hours in a day people would have if they werenāt like me I just feel so awful every second I feel like Iām living a double life I only know about I just want this to all go away
these days im feeling so bad, I canāt take it anymore, I have thoughts and images I donāt like that just wonāt leave me, I feel so heavy, I want to bump my head into a wall until I pass out so I can have a break, I want my brain ti stop working and leave me alone, I canāt exist like this, Iām constantly thinking about this stuff and feeling disturbed, it just wonāt leave, what do I do? sorry if this is written so badly but I really need to vent
iāve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. iāve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. iām also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. itās been making me feel crazy because to me thereās no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but itās like symptoms of ocd too thatās making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? iāve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel ājust rightā, but i also do that with any environment iām in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because thereās something wrong that i canāt find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but itās also more than that it feels like. however, now itās spreading into other areas of my house where iāve always been fine in and possibly to just any area iām in at all. hence why itās making me feel crazy because thereās no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as iāve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. iām doing a little better, but itās still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. iām also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like iām going insane. iāve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when iām this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why iām so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.
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