going to therapy made it worse

I talked to my therapist about the emotional disconnection I feel in my relationship — how I often feel nothing when I’m with my boyfriend, how I feel irritated or even disgusted during intimate moments, and how all of this creates constant fear and sadness in me. I told her that I want to love him, that I used to feel more, and that I believe my thoughts and reactions are part of something deeper — like ROCD — not necessarily the truth. But she said something like, “It doesn’t make sense that you want to love him but don’t feel love,” and suggested that I might just be lying to myself and need to “accept the truth.” That crushed me. I kept explaining that these thoughts feel obsessive, that they don’t align with my values or how I see myself — that they’ve taken away my ability to feel joy or peace. And yet, I left with this terrible fear that maybe she’s right, that maybe I’m just in denial. She even told me that I have two choices: accept that I don’t love him and stay while lying to myself, or leave. And that… that made me feel like she was confirming my worst fear — not helping me explore it safely. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lie to myself. I just want clarity, and peace, and the ability to feel again. I also didn’t tell my boyfriend about the session, because he’s skeptical of therapy — he thinks therapists just want money, and that I have to “help myself” if I want to feel better. I kind of get where he’s coming from, but it still makes me feel a little alone in this. I guess I’m posting here just to say… I feel really lost right now. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is ROCD or just the truth I’m too scared to accept

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

You need an OCD specialist. Cause even if it is true they can help you navigate it

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

And this has been the best thing since I started seeing my new therapist. They said ‘Let’s say it is true and you are lying to yourself and know it and being manipulative to want it to work but you know deep down it won’t or don’t want to’ we’ll work through it and they said ether way of the outcome it will be fine. I’ve felt so much more better if it does or does not work out.

moon0270

Date posted: 17w

im not an expert by any means, but is your therapist an OCD specialist? it sounds like she's not really approaching what you've told her with an expertise or knowledge of OCD. sorry that you're feeling kinda alone rn, it sounds painful and draining to deal with these thoughts and feel like people are not understanding :( I hope you can get some insight soon. i hope things get better.❤️‍🩹

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

@moon027097 i dont know if she is an ocd specialist

shaima1989

Date posted: 17w

I hear how deeply painful and confusing this is for you—how much you’re wrestling with these feelings, the fear of hurting your boyfriend, and the crushing weight of your therapist’s response. It makes complete sense that you feel lost right now. You’re trying so hard to understand what’s real, to hold onto love you *want* to feel, while also facing intense doubt and emotional numbness. That’s an incredibly difficult place to be, and I’m sorry you’re carrying this alone. A few things stand out to me: 1. **Your therapist’s approach seems to have missed the nuance of your struggle.** - You came to her describing *obsessive* thoughts, a disconnect between your values and your reactions, and a longing to reconnect with love—all hallmarks of ROCD or similar anxiety-driven patterns. Instead of exploring that with curiosity, she framed it as a binary choice: "Either you love him or you don’t." That’s like telling someone with health anxiety, "Either you’re sick or you’re fine"—it ignores the *fear* itself, which is often the real problem. - ROCD (or relationship-focused anxiety) isn’t about "lying to yourself." It’s about the terror of uncertainty ("Do I love him? Is this right?"), which can *cause* emotional shutdown, irritation, or disgust as a self-protective mechanism. The fact that you *want* to love him but feel blocked suggests this isn’t as simple as "accepting the truth." 2. **Your boyfriend’s skepticism might be adding to your isolation.** - It’s understandable that you didn’t share the session with him—his view of therapy (and his emphasis on "helping yourself") might make you feel like your pain isn’t valid or worthy of support. But you *are* trying to help yourself—by seeking understanding, by reaching out here. You deserve compassion in that, not judgment. 3. **The "disgust" or irritation during intimacy could be a clue.** - Sometimes, when we’re emotionally overwhelmed or trapped in doubt, our bodies react with aversion (e.g., feeling "gross" during physical closeness). That doesn’t *necessarily* mean you don’t love him—it might mean your nervous system is in a state of hypervigilance, scanning for "proof" something’s wrong. ### What might help now: - **Seek a second opinion.** If possible, look for a therapist who specializes in ROCD, OCD, or relationship anxiety. They’ll understand the difference between *certainty* ("I don’t love him") and *fear* ("What if I don’t love him?"). - **Experiment with small moments of connection.** Instead of pressuring yourself to "feel love," notice tiny, neutral moments—sitting together, a shared laugh. ROCD thrives on "checking" for feelings, which can numb you further. - **Journal the *fear* itself.** Write down: "What’s the worst-case scenario if I *don’t* love him? If I *do*? What would ‘accepting the truth’ cost me?" Often, the dread underneath the thoughts is the real wound. This isn’t about forcing yourself to stay or convincing yourself to leave. It’s about untangling the doubt from the disconnection, and that takes time and support. You’re not lying to yourself—you’re *asking questions*, and that’s brave. I’m sorry this is so heavy right now. You’re not alone in it. ♡

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

@shaima1989 thank you so much for this, its so hard to me, she is telling me i have much fear in me , and telling me to write how i feel , she told me she had clients with obsesive thoughs before but i dont know, im just scared

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

: I feel like I’m trapped in denial, confusion and guilt — I don’t know what’s real anymore

Hi everyone, I don’t really know how to put this into words, but I’ll try. I’ve been struggling with what I believe is ROCD for over a year and a half. I’ve been in a relationship for two years, and for a long time now, I feel like I’ve been stuck in a mental fog or trance — a constant state of doubt, guilt, anxiety, and emotional numbness. I can’t tell what I feel anymore. Sometimes I think: “Maybe I never loved him. Maybe I’m just staying out of habit, or because I’m in denial.” Other times I feel devastated and overwhelmed because all I really want is to feel love, safety, and peace again with him. I want to stop overthinking. I want to stop questioning if I’m lying to myself or if I’m hurting him by staying. My family (especially my mom and dad) and even my therapist have told me things that increased my doubts — that I’m only lying to myself, that I’m not really in love, that I’ve been unhappy since the beginning and I should just end it so I don’t hurt him anymore. My mom keeps saying “it’s not too late to walk away.” But it doesn’t feel that simple for me. When he tells me how much pain he’s in, sometimes I feel… nothing. And then I hate myself for not feeling guilt or sadness in that moment. I wonder: “If I really cared, wouldn’t I feel something?” But I also feel like I’ve become emotionally numb — like my mind and body are shutting down to protect me from constant fear and inner conflict. What makes it even harder is that we’re supposed to take a trip together soon for my 18th birthday. And instead of feeling excited, I’m terrified that I’ll feel numb, anxious, and distant even on that day. That I’ll ruin it. That I won’t be able to enjoy anything. And then I feel even more broken for being scared of my own birthday. I’m so afraid that I’m living based on a false “should.” That I’m staying because I should stay. But when I think about leaving, I panic too. Nothing feels right. Nothing brings relief. I just want clarity. Peace. And to know that I’m not alone or broken. If anyone here has felt like this — please let me know. It would mean everything right now. Thank you for reading.

Mariabae

Date posted: 16w

i would apreciate a response:( rocd

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling for a long time with what I believe is ROCD. I constantly have doubts about my feelings toward my boyfriend. I feel numb, disconnected, unsure if I ever truly loved him, and sometimes I fear that I’m just pretending or lying to myself. I don’t feel happy when I think of him, I don’t miss him, and when I imagine doing things together, I feel nothing. And that terrifies me. But what hurts me even more right now is that my psychologist told me she doesn’t think I have OCD. She said I just believe it’s wrong not to like my boyfriend, and that’s why I’m stuck — because I can’t accept that I don’t like him. This only made my fears worse. Now I keep thinking: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m writing all this because I want it to be ROCD so I can feel better about not loving him?” But deep down, I’m suffering. I feel trapped in a fog of anxiety and detachment. I’ve had obsessive thoughts since I was little — especially intrusive ones, like inappropriate words or thoughts that made me feel really guilty. I would even tell my mom about them. So now I’m wondering… was this OCD all along? Why does it feel like my pain is invisible? And the worst part is… he loves me so much. He shows it in so many ways. He truly cares. But I don’t feel connected to him. I look at him and I feel nothing. Sometimes I feel like I’m acting — like I’m just going through the motions. And that makes me feel like the worst person in the world. I feel like no one else has ROCD like mine. That maybe I’m the exception. That maybe I’m not really struggling with OCD — maybe I’m just lying to myself. But I don’t want to lie. I want peace. I want to feel love again. I want to feel like myself again. If anyone has gone through this, or has felt the same after being dismissed by a therapist, please let me know. I feel so scared and alone. Thank you for reading.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

please someone respond

I’m in such a dark place right now. No matter what I do with my boyfriend — kissing, hugging, cuddling, talking — I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. And every time, my brain says: “That’s it. It’s the truth. You don’t love him anymore.” I keep thinking I’m forcing myself to act like I still like him just because I can’t accept the truth — that maybe I fell out of love and don’t want to admit it. When he calls me beautiful, when he’s kind to me, when he holds me… I feel numb. And that numbness makes me feel like a stranger in my own life. Like I’m faking everything. Like I’m lying to him and to myself. It feels too real. I used to have moments — even during intrusive thoughts — where I would relax in his arms and feel safe and reminded that this is ROCD. But now… even those moments feel gone. Like the thoughts aren’t lies anymore — they feel like the truth. And I don’t know what to do with that. My therapist made things worse. She told me things that made me believe I’ve mentally “decided” I have to be with him, and that I’m wrong for thinking it’s bad to walk away. Now I feel like I’ve built my entire relationship on an idea that I should stay, not that I want to. I feel like I’ve changed. I remember moments of deep love, warmth, and closeness… but now I can’t feel them anymore. And all I hear in my head is “you’re different now. It’s over.” I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I’m not even crying anymore — I’m just… empty. What if this is the truth I’ve been avoiding all along? What if I just can’t accept that I stopped loving him? What if this relationship is no longer right, and I’m just pretending? This is the worst it’s ever been. I’ve never felt this far gone before.

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going to therapy made it worse

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