- Username
- MrsA
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yep. I lost a friend in real life to suicide last year and became utterly convinced I murderered them. The details made absolutely no sense, and yet I came close to confessing many times since it felt so real. I finally realized your brain will never let you ha e certainty and will always come up with a creative reason it’s your fault. Accepting life’s general uncertainty and choosing radical self love over all else (even when ocd says it’s irresponsible, you don’t deserve it, or it’s not ocd this time) is the only way to recovery. You can do it!
Yes.. That is exactly what happens to me
Yep! I’ve had extreme details of murdering people (which I know deep down I would never do), but I’ve spent months trying to prove the ocd wrong. The more compulsions you do, the more your brain latches on. You almost create a detailed pile of junk mail in your brain each time you ruminate. But the level of detail or number of months you ruminate has no basis in reality. Living into the uncertainty and doing erp is the only way out. I know it’s tough! I’ve been there! False memory harm is my main theme.
Omg! I’ve been there! Worst feeling ever!! The thought you could do that to someone even though you know you never could! Yet you can see yourself doing exactly that!
Question for you guys, Those of you who suffer from HOCD or POCD and have vivid memories that contradict who you feel you are, how do you manage those memories? I had an OCD/anxiety attack that clinged on to the memories around me being curious after being bullied in school. My OCD keeps telling me that I enjoyed those experiences more than I should have. Even though it ended in tears and me knowing that that's not who I am, my OCD keeps telling me that it's an indication of my being gay or bi. I realize that some of those memories may be fake, but in the scope of acceptance of uncertainty let's assume that everything is right. My therapist tried to calm me down by saying that this is really normal and expected in young children and that it has nothing to do with who we are, especially since I was interested in girls and always fantasized about chased after them from a very young age.
Anyone else struggle with real event type OCD (OCD latches on to a real life situation you’ve experienced)? How can we know the difference between what actually happened and if it’s just my OCD making me feel like a horrible person? Specifically with harm/pedophile OCD. Anyone ever experienced this before?
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