- Username
- Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Anxiety has a way of making you think this will be a permanent thing- it will not be. Try to separate yourself from the thoughts and realize that they are not you, they are your anxiety
Thank you!
I'm honestly in the same exact boat as you girl. Just know you're not alone.
I feel like this is how the rest of my life is going to be. ?
@Ocdandme123 Same. It's truly terrifying. Are you seeing a therapist?
@NocturnalGyal Yes! And been out on cymbalta and Ativan for my panic attacks and to help me sleep. I haven’t been sleeping because I just lay there and worry.
@Ocdandme123 Yup. I just started my medication. The anxiety got way worse and so did the thoughts. Now I'm just so emotionally numb and indifferent to everything and that scares me because I feel so disconnected from my bf. Which feeds the HOCD so much ?? is it CBT or talk therapy?
@NocturnalGyal Exactly! I’m so numb and it’s almost giving me relationship ocd because now I’m questioning if all of this is happening because I’m not meant to be with him or something. Which is awful cuz I’ve always felt he was the one and I still want to be with him for forever:( I believe it’s just talk therapy but I’m aware I need to see someone more aware of ocd and is trained in ocd.
@Ocdandme123, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I really haven't dealt with this type of OCD , but have dealt with almost every other type. All I can say is thoughts are just thoughts, it's just the fear of what they mean that is causing anxiety. If you have a thought that makes you anxious address it like you would a bully , agree with it by saying yup that's true, I'm going to do that ( sarcastically, like talking back to a bully, not bc it's true). Also if you've made out with other friends, who cares, I had a friend in college who kissed a girl and I heard her telling the guy she was seeing to show off. She was perfectly straight and is happily married. What your friend said if it's causing such extreme anxiety, it's OCD and they told you something trying to help but we're in the wrong. I'm not a doctor so just my opinion.
Of course, sorry your struggling though . If you're avoiding and not seeing a therapist, you may want to expose yourself little by little with the help of a doctor. One more thing , if working with a doc and facing the situation, remember what you feel and your thoughts are caused by OCD/fear, not some other reason . When facing your fear this might be an example of the internal dialog you could use( check with your doc, I used this in my therapy),I'm going to see this person today and might be scared but anything I feel is caused by false messages to my brain and that's ok, I don't have to be afraid of what I feel/ think( I know it can be uncomfortable) and just let that feeling pass through, don't fight it and keep going on with what you're doing
Yes I’ve been seeing a therapist for about a month now. I’ve seen her roughly 5 times so I’m going a lot because I need it and will hopefully help. But I think I need to see someone more specialized in ocd or even hocd. Someone with more experience in this stuff.
Yes I’ve been told to just accept the thoughts and they will eventually not cause the fear you get from it now. And yes before, I never had a problem with it at all. I would laugh and say omg I’ve made out with so many girls blah blah. But now I can’t even think about being alone with a girl. It’s so scary of what I would feel or think. It’s just crazy how this wasn’t a thing ever before and now it’s eating me alive. Thank you for your input though!
OCD specialist is definitely the best route. You should check out Chrissie Hodges, she's a peer support specialist and can direct you to a good OCD doctor. ERP therapy can be a bit tough so if you aren't comfortable with a doc always remember you have a choice with the pace you take and doctor you decide to stay with. Good luck to you!!
Thanks so much!!
Oh I’ve watched a couple of her YouTube videos! How do I contact her?
Is it hocd or have I actually all of a sudden stopped wanting to be with a guy. I have always known I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy but ever since I got these instrusive thoughts about 3 months ago it’s only getting worse and now i dont even know who I am and if I want to date a guy or a girl. I know I don’t want to date a girl but every time I tell myself I want to date a guy I feel like somethings telling me “no you want to be with girls and you don’t have hocd you’re just in denial” Another thing that scares me is that I have never really been boy crazy and I have had small crushes on guys never on girls but every time I have thought a girl was pretty I’m like what if I thought she was attractive and I would have these crushes (they weren’t that crazy)
I’m so afraid I might be lesbian. I was very anxious at first but it started to calm down. I’m only 15 and I have a boyfriend I love. At least I think I do, I always chose to question everything and over analyze. I found out about hocd and it described everything I was feeling. I’d take test and read articles like “am I lesbian” but I have never fantasied a girl or wanted to be with a girl sexually or romantically. But what if I’m in denial? I do think girls are physically attractive but I never crushed on a girl. I have always crushed on boys. And liked being with them. I’m just so lost. My anxiety about it had calmed down. But the question is still there sometimes. Earlier today, I found a girl pretty and I got scared thinking that meant something. Then I read about women who have married men, but they know they’re lesbian. I’m scared that that’ll Happen to me. I don’t want to be lesbian. No disrespect. But I just want to be happy. I think I’ve suffered from ocd before. Tell me anyone if I’m wrong. But I used to have thoughts of that my boyfriend would murder me in the future because of theses videos that triggered me. It caused me so much pain and felt so real. That I eventually started to think I’d murder my mom and sister for no reason. I felt so helpless. But I got through it. I hope I get through this. Please any advice? Is this hocd?? Does anyone else feel this way?
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
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