I experience hocd and it honestly has traumatized me and put my mental health in the worst state it has ever been and I’ve never questioned myself if I was gay/bi or whatever up until the hocd came out of nowhere and spiraled about a month ago. (Including the fact I’ve made out with all my girlfriends and never felt a thing). Now I’m scared to even go around another girl or my friends one on one. Ive been in a relationship with my bf for almost a year and do NOT want to lose him. I saw my life with him and now I worry about everything and everything feels like it’s going to fall apart. One of my friends told me “you may have never had the gay thoughts until now but now you are seeing it in a different light and maybe need to go out and try it now” which I can’t stop thinking about. I don’t want to go out and try. I don’t want to leave my bf. I just want this all to go away. Any advise on any of this? Or any comments toward what my coworker told me?

Anxiety has a way of making you think this will be a permanent thing- it will not be. Try to separate yourself from the thoughts and realize that they are not you, they are your anxiety

I'm honestly in the same exact boat as you girl. Just know you're not alone.

@Ocdandme123, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I really haven't dealt with this type of OCD , but have dealt with almost every other type. All I can say is thoughts are just thoughts, it's just the fear of what they mean that is causing anxiety. If you have a thought that makes you anxious address it like you would a bully , agree with it by saying yup that's true, I'm going to do that ( sarcastically, like talking back to a bully, not bc it's true). Also if you've made out with other friends, who cares, I had a friend in college who kissed a girl and I heard her telling the guy she was seeing to show off. She was perfectly straight and is happily married. What your friend said if it's causing such extreme anxiety, it's OCD and they told you something trying to help but we're in the wrong. I'm not a doctor so just my opinion.

Of course, sorry your struggling though . If you're avoiding and not seeing a therapist, you may want to expose yourself little by little with the help of a doctor. One more thing , if working with a doc and facing the situation, remember what you feel and your thoughts are caused by OCD/fear, not some other reason . When facing your fear this might be an example of the internal dialog you could use( check with your doc, I used this in my therapy),I'm going to see this person today and might be scared but anything I feel is caused by false messages to my brain and that's ok, I don't have to be afraid of what I feel/ think( I know it can be uncomfortable) and just let that feeling pass through, don't fight it and keep going on with what you're doing

http://www.chrissiehodges.com/contact

Yes I’ve been told to just accept the thoughts and they will eventually not cause the fear you get from it now. And yes before, I never had a problem with it at all. I would laugh and say omg I’ve made out with so many girls blah blah. But now I can’t even think about being alone with a girl. It’s so scary of what I would feel or think. It’s just crazy how this wasn’t a thing ever before and now it’s eating me alive. Thank you for your input though!

OCD specialist is definitely the best route. You should check out Chrissie Hodges, she's a peer support specialist and can direct you to a good OCD doctor. ERP therapy can be a bit tough so if you aren't comfortable with a doc always remember you have a choice with the pace you take and doctor you decide to stay with. Good luck to you!!